hi all im a newbie on here.. and i have a problem! i used to often spend time with a fellow phd while at work however recently i have found her comments as to my other friends and partner a bit harsh and snobby. many of my friends and partner are not phd students, nor went to university however i have never even thought of this as a barrier to friendship.however whenever i chat to her about my friends and boyfriend she makes snide comments like 'well you have more gcses than all of them put together' and 'it must be hard socialising with stupid uneducated people' and laughs. has anyone else encountered this kind of attitude towards non academic friends etc? how do i tell her its just not nice or do i just distance myself from her as i find it quite upsetting.

tell her she is a snobbish idiot..

hey PhD girlie

if you care about her at all, I would raise the topic and let her know how you feel about it.

just distancing yourself from her is the last resort. it effectively means, "you've gone too far - there is nothing you can do, even if you change your attitude completely, that would make me ever want to associate with you again". because distancing yourself means that she won't know why, what the problem is, and is robbed of any chance to make it better or apologize.
so, if you do care a little about her, and since you're likely going to be working with her for a while, I suppose it would be better do get it out on the table.

i would say to her you find her attitute difficult and just distance yourself from her.

You could probably mention that you know of people with PhDs and various other degrees who were only able to find work as waiters in restaurants, or other crappy menial places?

This sort of thing really annoys me, because I faced this at uni as well. I never looked down on others because of their education (which is just as well really considering how everything turned out), but enough of my peers thought themselves a bit above everyone else. I reckon they should screen these out before they are accepted for courses.

i just dont understand the 'im better that you' attitute when friends have worked equally as hard just because they didnt go to university and have a certificate to prove it!

Does anyone remember this thread by a user called Zara?

http://www.postgraduateforum.com/showmessage.asp?page=1&cat=4&thread=4091&threadpage=&order=1&stype=TM&keyword=%22too+old%22&category=0

If you look at the last page, you will see what she does now.....

I think what academics (not all obviously) need to realise it that maybe not everyone wants to do a phd. could it be that they are happy doing other jobs! sometimes i think academics think research etc is the be all and end all.

I think that it's a long standing problem, and in a certain way it's a form of racism. Every time that someone does not conform to the idea or categorization of the world that these people have in mind, you are cut out. You can be too much, or not enough something. It also happens the opposite of what you have described: being excluded because you do a PhD and therefore you don't fit in a circle of people who have different objectives in life. It certainly is a very superficial way to judge people - and it is independent from the person's level of education. I think it's mainly due to their inability to cope with what is consedered 'different'.

i agree. in some cases it might also be a defensive thing. many PhD students give so much in order to do a PhD, make huge investments, financially and socially. the idea is quick to arise that all this only makes sense if you are then 'better' than others. so, for your own sanity (so that your decision to do a PhD remains meaningful to yourself) you must maintain the distance between yourself and people who chose a different path in life.
don't misunderstand me - I am not saying it is alright. i just think sometimes the motives are more complicated than simple arrogance.

Hi (fellow PhD girlie!) :)

I have to admit I was rather shocked by your original post. I find your friends reactions quite upsetting and insulting. To assume that just because someone hasn't got the academic background than someone else, does not make them any better than anyone else! Surely higher level education is not for everyone. I might add, that I know people who haven't gone to university, or completed higher education courses are just as bright/intelligent/knowledgable (if not more so) than someone else who has spent years in higher education. I think your friend is being highly prejudiced and needs to get a life quite frankly!

thanks for all your comments.. im trying to see beyond her rudeness and understand why she is so against non phds.