Hello! I'm a first year PhD student...

I had a meeting today regarding various projects within our department. I came out of it feeling really deflated, unmotivated and unworthy of my position. Has anyone else felt like this? Its a shame as my meeting with my supervisors the other day went really well where I felt completely the opposite!

I'm just wondering whether the other research workers (who had been in the department for much longer than me) felt a need to exert themseleves with their intelligence and competitive nature. Ok, Im relatively new to the field, but I definitely felt underqualified and that I needed to read heaps more!

pineapple, i know exactly what you mean. i am also in my first year and already it has proven to be a terribly roller-coaster-like experience. one day i'm confident and happy, next moment i feel like i am a fraud and don't belong. it is little things that can trigger either way. most often, i suppose, it happens when comparing oneself to others.

i hope you get back into the mood you had after that last supervisor meeting soon!

Well, if it can be of any help, I feel pretty low in this period. I feel confident with my subject, so it's not a problem of self-esteem or self-evaluation. I find it difficult to cope with this very competitive environment, as I am not competitive. If you top this with the fact that I undergo a daily shower of: 'You are wasting your time... what's the use of this... you should quit immediately and find a proper job' from my parents (you may have read an earlier thread of mine), I wonder how I manage to keep myself going at all. Because of course my life does not end with the PhD. As everyone else I do have a life 'outside' and of course other problems.
I know that it's ups and downs and trust that I will get out of this moment soon. So, you have all my sympathy.

Thank you for your replies! Its a comfort to see that I'm not alone.The competitive nature within the department is a little off putting! I to am not a particuarly competitive; I don't see my PhD and various research projects as the be all and end all (perhaps other people in my department do). In fact, Iam coping with an inner struggle to continue, which is a daily occurance for me. I'm motivated purely because I've an interest in my area and want to develop new skills etc. Some days, I feel like immediately dropping out, other days, I'm super confident and happy with it all. I guess its a case of being a little uncertain as to whether this rollercoaster of emotions is going to continue like this (I think it probably will!) and whether I have the strength in myself to put myself though this! Perhaps its just a case of being in my 1st year, stuck in the office waiting for ethical approval to actually get out there and practice what Im reading and evaluating!

Hello pineapple

I can assure you that you will feel like that many many times during your degree. The worse doubts will come from yourself, and not others. You need to have faith in your abilities and trust your supervisor. And yes, sometimes people like to boast about their work and seem important so don't let them make you feel insignificant. If you see that time goes by and you are really having trouble with the work, perhaps then you should consider if there is something you are doing wrong/if this is right for you etc, but don't feel like that because of what other people are doing! Keep the faith!

I felt deflated in my 1st, 2nd AND 3rd year meetings. I've now accepted my advisors are just mean individuals and maybe I should have changed advisors.

I know exactly how you feel *pineapple*

I'm also in my first research year. I have the same feeling with you. What should we do?

sometimes it helps to focus on what YOU know and can do and are good at, instead of just seeing others and forgetting your own strengths.
i sometimes write little 'reminders to myself' which i stick on my computer or other places i can't miss. the intention is to remind me of all the good feelings which are there at certain times, at the times when i am feeling low.
any other suggestions on how to deal with moments of deflation, insecurity, competitive surroundings etc. (other than just 'hang in there') would be highly appreciated! what did all you further progressed students do? or what do you still do, in order to survive? there must be a whole load of little daily strategies... it would be great to hear some of them!

Find a supportive PhD, postdoc or young lecturer to get occasional reassurance from?
Find a distraction from work, e.g. hobby, sport, socialising, nice holiday.
I have one or two books on doing PhDs.
I was on committees which made me feel I was helping PhDs with problems, and did stuff in schools and a business competition which gets you away from work.
If I'm really depressed and unmotivated I sometimes give up and take the day off, then start again the next day.

Counselling, antidepressants?! I know a lot of people in that boat.