Depressed on PostgraduateForum.com

BevCha
13 years ago

Hi Guys,

Last time I posted here I was over the moon as I had just passed my PhD viva which went really well and I really couldn't have been happier.....one year later.....

I took a postdoc offer outside of my home country (UK) and it has resulted in the worse depression I have ever found myself in.
It started off not too bad I felt good about the project and the new challenge and was enjoying it that was before supervisors true colours revealed! Bullying, pushy, narcissistic, arrogant, deluded, abusive .... I could go on! The stupid thing being the harder I worked the worse the bullying became. When I took holiday I was entitled to I was sent abusive mails and also when attending a family members funeral the same abuse incurred :-(

Resultantly I now have zero motivation and less than zero confidence and feel like crap, to drag myself in at all is agony now and I was never like this in my life before - I have asked a trusted staff member if there is a counselling service available. I have four months left before I begin a three year funded fellowship (which I won) with someone I know very well and I cannot wait. 4 months feels like forever though!

Phew! that was a bit of steam let off!

Hope everyone is enjoying their post doc time!

D

Delta
13 years ago

Happy to read about the 3 year funded fellowship. Having experienced serious bullying before I know how hard it can be and how the effects can be long lasting (even years later). Could you not take some time out before starting the fellowship and perhaps go home for a bit?

Anyway, I'm glad you're moving on.

B

BevCha
13 years ago

Hi There!

Thank you very much for your reply and advice. I will be able to take around 3-4weeks from ending this one to beginning the next one so in that time I hopefully will be able to get a bit of sparkle back and perspective!
This forum is great, sometimes helps just to get the words out there!

best wishes
:-)

Mackem_Beefy
13 years ago

======= Date Modified 16 Nov 2011 08:36:34 =======

Quote From Bevcha:

Hi Guys,

Last time I posted here I was over the moon as I had just passed my PhD viva which went really well and I really couldn't have been happier.....one year later.....

I took a postdoc offer outside of my home country (UK) and it has resulted in the worse depression I have ever found myself in.
It started off not too bad I felt good about the project and the new challenge and was enjoying it that was before supervisors true colours revealed! Bullying, pushy, narcissistic, arrogant, deluded, abusive .... I could go on! The stupid thing being the harder I worked the worse the bullying became. When I took holiday I was entitled to I was sent abusive mails and also when attending a family members funeral the same abuse incurred :-(

Resultantly I now have zero motivation and less than zero confidence and feel like crap, to drag myself in at all is agony now and I was never like this in my life before - I have asked a trusted staff member if there is a counselling service available. I have four months left before I begin a three year funded fellowship (which I won) with someone I know very well and I cannot wait. 4 months feels like forever though!

Phew! that was a bit of steam let off!

Hope everyone is enjoying their post doc time!

This reads exactly like my second post-doc, the only difference being I had nothing afterwards to go to.

You have a Fellowship to go to. I know the time out has been suggested, however, if you've a new position to go to, are not relying on these peoples' references and can afford to live in the meanwhile, the temptation must be there to tell them to "stick your job"!!!

I'll point out if they "dismiss" you (I can't believe I'm suggesting this as I wouldn't normally condone doing or engineering this), you can come back to the UK and claim Job Seekers (or if lucky find something temporary) or go on sick due to depression until the Fellowship starts. Either that or do a little travel for four months. I would not tolerate such bullying if you don't have to.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

C

cplusplusgirl
13 years ago

ummmmmmmmm can you talk to your HR department about it? You are staff after all?

B

BevCha
13 years ago

THE PLOT THICKENS!

Firstly thanks to everyone who viewed and replied it really means a lot!
Well allow me to share with you the latest developments. I wanted to know how much notice I was required to give and asked to see a copy of my contract for the fellowship I am on. Well lo and behold this fellowship never existed!! I am paid by someone else entirely! Has anyone aver come across such a thing before and if so what did you do about it? I must be honest and say that I am furious that I have been lied to like this - just shows I am better off out of this!

keep smiling everybody!

B
xxx