Hi All

I am a part time PhD student at a well known red brick university. Due to life events & career opportunities moved to the Middle East ( Saudi Arabia) to take up a great job. I have taken my PhD right to the deadline in terms of registration period. My PhD has consumed 7 years of my life ( as well as my wife & kids). I knew that my thesis wasn't great when submitted and knew I would have major revisions. Sadly over the last 4 years of my PhD my mum developed lung cancer. As you can imagine it has been a terrible time. The day prior to my viva my mum became very very sick . I was home on holiday and got her admitted fast to hospital... She was stable. I had my viva (3.5hrs) which was so intense - whilst waiting for the feedback from the examiners I received a call from my sister to say mum had passed away. I was utterly consumed with grief and decided to go back to the examiners to receive their verdict . My supervisor had informed the examiners of my situation. I sat there whilst the verdict of revise & resubmit as well as another viva! My PhD is dedicated to my mum and I will hopefully see this to a successful conclusion. I had a 2 hr train journey home and went straight to the hospital to see mum - it was such a lonely journey home. As the only son ( +3 sisters) my time was focused on all mums funeral preps. I have been given 12 months to re-submit. I am devastated to have another viva. The external had requested specific things overlooked by my supervisors I feel . In the end I was the one who wrote the damn thing. I put a copy of my thesis in mums coffin with a note that I was sorry that she did not live to see me called Dr. But promised I will do my best. I hope my confidence and my belief in myself comes back as I am destroyed.

I'm really sorry for your loss and I can see that you posted this as part of a cathartic process. It sounds like you need to take some time for yourself and your family right now. Can you discuss this with your supervisor, and tell them you have too many things to deal with right now? It also seems to me that your supervisor should have advised you to take an interruption at the appropriate time and also to postpone the viva. Also, for your own self-care, I suggest you seek bereavement counselling. There are free services available. I can understand that, as males, we're expected to plod along. Do not do this. You will suffer in the long run.

I'm sorry for your loss. Just to reiterate everything akkasistan said. Take some time out (explore the options permitted by the university) and be kind to yourself.

I'm so very sorry to hear you're going through this. My mum never got to see me be called Dr either. Your post made me cry. As the others have said, take time to grieve - I cannot stress enough how important this is. if you don't, it will come bite you on the ass at some point in the future. Bereavement counselling is great for this, but you need time too. Speak to your supervisor(s) if you can, but also your personal tutor if you have one and the university.

I really am so sorry. We never forget, but this will pass and things will get easier as time goes on. I promise.
Take care, g

Thank you Shanfara, Hazy Jane & glow worm for your most kind and considerate comments following my loss. It's still very early days and whilst I am going through some intense emotions at times I am determined to succeed. I have been in contact with my supervisors who are definitely there for me and I have made it very clear I will not give in. I have received my examiners reports and virtually all chapters need significant work. I did find it comforting to see comments from the external saying my topic was an original contribution to knowledge and parts were a pleasure to read:) I hang onto those positives as I try to move forward. I will keep you updated how I get on. Thank you all for being there.

I am so sorry for your loss ksajohn and hope very much that you are taking all the steps you need to in the next few months. I imagine that working on the revisions and preparing for the next viva will be tough and admire your resolution and determination to continue. While being told you have another viva might seem difficult, perhaps your examiners (who had been told of your Mother's passing right before they gave you a verdict) felt that giving you another viva was only a fair thing to do in the circumstances, as grief and anxiety would have impacted on your performance. What a sad and difficult time for you and your family and such a sorrow to lose your mother.