I wonder if others do this with their principal supervisor or other supervisors. I am in my last year and frustrations have built up. I also feel like my project is not going as well as it should have due to my supervisor's inexperience among other things. He discussed my PhD progress with some random person in the department, he canceled my conference trip at the last minute due to funding issues etc. I ended up telling him off each time

There are other minor things and I really held things in for the first 2 years or so, but then I started making terse and sarcastic remarks in person or via e-mail. I know it's probably not the best idea, but once I started, I couldn't stop doing this each time I am annoyed. :-s

Weirdly, he usually offers explanation and some sort of defense but then is just EXTRA nice to me. He will do things like help me out more with my project, offers to "get me in" authorship on papers that I didn't have anything to do with etc.

Anybody else tells their supervisors off? Maybe you should start ,-)

No, I can't say I ever did. There are ways to discuss things and take action without resorting to sniping and sarcasm and just makes you sound a little unprofessional.

Hey! I have become a bit irrate with my sup a few times. Generally I don't argue with her because it's not good to get on the wrong side of her, especially cos I want a post-doc with her, and boy can she hold grudges! But just a couple of weeks ago I had to have words with her because she was basically asking me and a fellow PhD-er to do too much work for our MSc students- she was basically asking us to do half of their project for them and she went a step too far (I posted about it on here, you might remember!). So we had a word with her and I was a bit narky with her to be honest. She was a bit grumpy about it, but she did seem to take our point on board and has since taken some of the work away from us and asked the MSc students to do it themselves, so it did work out for the best. I also got pissed off with her once because she wrote a narky email to someone and put my name on the bottom of it next to hers without telling me, but she didn't appear to see the problem with that! So I tend to reserve the tellings off for very special occasions! KB

Hi Lostinoz. No I would't do the sarcastic thing, but I do think we should we assertive when necessary. I brought my old sup to task about a couple of things she messed up on and I'm really glad I did, her shoddy repsonse resulted in me leaving and finding another, much better, sup.

One of my managers at work responds well to being told off though, he's always really chirpy, chatty and nice t me afterwards. I guess it depends on the person.

Hi Lostinoz, have a supervisor for my Masters who is pretty difficult to get hold of and then delays things a bit-but usually by the time I do hear from her, I am so relieved that I am nice about everything! But then I have to make sure admin are also constantly posted (as a form of insurance that she will do what she is supposed to do) and I hate having to back up every formal communication with a copy to admin-its just not a great situation.

However, I have about four people above me at my institution (two tiers that is-I'm just below the top leadership group) and I have become a bit snippy with them at times. Mainly when they seem to be just going about something in a really unproductive and fruitless way. However, I hate becoming snippy with them-sometimes it just boils out of me(!!) because it does seem unprofessional when I think about it later and it isn't the way I like to do things usually. I sort of wonder at times whether it is almost bullying-something I can't abide and would absolutely hate to think that I had resorted to this.

I also know that I hate it when people who are under my direction become really snippy with me. I much prefer it when they are fairly honest and upfront about things so that we can just deal with them and move on.

The real problems about being snippy and sarcastic with someone on a different power level than you- whether above or below- is that basic trust can be destroyed-not good for anyone- and it can be a form of emotional blackmail. When it is just fun and games with a colleague who has the same power as you do and is used to friendly banter or jokes-well that is different again.

But the biggest thing is-if you aren't happy with it-don't spend time beating yourself up about having slipped (so to speak) just try to ensure you don't do it intentionally in the future.

BTW- if it wasn't clear. My supervisor is for my Masters- so is at a university. But the people I was speaking about who are above and below me are at my place of employment-which is not a university. But I imagine the same principles apply.

Lostinoz - get out of that habit if you can! While now, you are aware of it, you won't after a while and will say the wrong thing to the worng person. I know that having a bad relationship with the supervisor can lead to frustrations, but staying assertive whilst maintaining some discipline will get you further. Maybe its the fact that he realises that you have been pushed far enough and can see why you are snappy.
You must remember that soon you will be dealing with other people in either a post-doc or professional environment ... one five second rant on the keyboard will cost you, especially to people who don't know what they did to pi$$ you off.
Next time you find yourself in such a situation, remember Stephen Fry and ask yourself "What would Jeeves do?"

Reread your own post with honesty - were you a school bully by any chance?

Honestly guys, I completly regret it. It is now too late to change the dynamic unfortunately. My supervisor has pretty much stopped answering my emails :(. I now need some help with my PhD project and have noone to turn to. The old saying of "biting the hand that feeds you" comes to mind.

Funnily enough, I have never acted this way before with anyone, including my former bosses, co-workers, teachers etc. I am not even a confrontational person. At first it felt good and it felt like I was standing up for myself and now I just feel yuck. I think I overdid and became agressive instead of assertive. I have so much frustration with my PhD that it truly pushed me over the limit.

I don't want to apologize as what I said stands and I did mean those things/rants, it just wasn't my place to say them.

I am not sure if it is possible to work unsupervised in the final year. I really think I can make it and then get the hell out of there.

Hey there

We're probably in different fields (I'm in social sciences), and I'm a few months away from finishing, and in my experience, it is absolutely not possible to finish a PhD without supervision. You need someone who can provide a broad overview of your work, of how it hangs together, identify any weaknesses, as well as provide comments on the minutiae. Not to mention a supervisor can provide emotional and practical support too. The last year increases in intensity, work, stress and pressure, and every bit of help is welcome.

I think you should start to own your actions, be mature, meet your sup for a coffee, explain your frustrations, apologise for your unprofessional behaviour, and ask for their help this year. If you were in the workplace, sarcastic comments to your manager wouldn't be tolerated, and they shouldn't be in academia either. You can get back on track, but it sounds like you need to do some relationship building first. I don't mean to give you a hard time, but I think you'll be better off if you face up to things, rather than just try and work alone and not do anything to improve the situation.

I agree with what Sue has said. And another thing to bear in mind is that at my university the supervisor has to fill out and sign the "Intention to Submit" form, and has to sign the thesis before submission. I wouldn't have been able to submit without my supervisor's agreement to all this, never mind their support in helping to make my thesis reach the required standard.

Do try to build bridges Lostinoz, however hard it may be.

Hi Lostinoz, I reckon this is a big learning curve for you, so, in the long run, a valuable part of the PhD.

I agree with the others, that although what you said stands, your best option is to appologise for what you should not have done - ie the sarcasm etc. A coffee and a chat is best, I think. You could also explain how pressured you are, and that you will be more respectful in future; although, be careful to make sure this does not come across as an excuse - appologese with excuses attached are worth 0% IMO.

Good luck ;-)

Hi, I agree with the others, also I would try not to worry too much about the situation. As you have said, you are finding your PhD to be quite frustrating and stressful in itself, I guess he may be the nearest person to take that out on, particularly if he isn't making it easy for you in the department. You are certainly not the first PhD student to be snippy with your supervisor, although I do think you perhaps overstepped the line in this case and a simple apology is all that's needed. I'm sure he will accept it from you and then things will gradually return to normal - he'll probably respect you more for facing up to what you have done wrong.

I hope things turn out well for you, Nx

me am snippy snippy!!!! still havent heard from my supervisor; he must be on holiday sstill............
love satchi

Hi Lostinoz it is quite natural to get upset about things during your PhD. I think instead of letting things build up you should be honest(in a nice way!) with your supervisor when you feel an issue arising. Personally I have never told my supervisor off, I don't think I could because, she is my boss.