That's what I feel like saying to all the posters asking about having children while doing a PhD.....:-( I love my children to bits but trying to work on the kitchen table while one is screaming and another is trying to get me to help with homework is tough.

I wouldn't say don't have children at all but maybe don't have children unless you have a place to study....and a supportive husband/wife or babysitter...:-(:-( Really don't know how I am ever going to get this done....

Sorry, don't want to be so negative but really don't feel like I am up to this at the moment. To cap it all, I seem to have come out all over in eczema .... never had it before but I imagine it's stress-related.

Been there, done that...I totally emphathise with you Timefortea. No real advice save try to take things easy, as in on yourself. Get that eczema sorted as it does sound stress related.

My babies are older now but I did my undergrad study at the kitchen table. I remember literally running out of lectures to meet up with my hubs half way home to swap the two youngest over. "They've had their dinner, done a yucky nappy each :-(, sorry didn't have time to change them" :-s. Now they're older and I'm in the midst of raging teenage hormones. I'm writing up but have been phoned by the school twice in the last two months about the carrry-on of my formally cherubic, lovable youngest twin. He bunked off recently with one of his numerous girlfriends (eh he's 13). There's only so many times a person can confiscate his mobile. He's so cool he's in danger of freezing over. My oldest son and my only daughter are both learning to drive and 'hounding' me beyond belief to bring them out practising. I have one other son who, as long as I keep him in Lego;-), promises never to leave home!

Hope things look up for you soon, Time (up)

Well you re both doing fantastically well! I have only one child and I find it difficult, I cannot even imagine how I would cope with 2 or 3 and a PhD!
I think that at the end of the day you must learn to be kind to yourself and accept that you are just human - you cannot be the best at "everything". Obviously we love our children and I don't' regret having had mine in the middle of my PhD, but things can be very hard at times. I have always been very good at time management and never missed a deadline...but that was before I lost the ownership of my time!

I did try to work while looking after her, but it just wasn't possible - you need to have time to think properly, as you are not just shelving boxes. So if you have any chance to have even just a few hours when you can concentrate on your thesis it is much better than working all day but without concentrating on what you are doing. There are other tasks, like indexing, up-dating your bibliography, etc. that require a bit less attention, and you may be doing while your children are at home with you. Are they going to nursery/ school? Is there anyone that can look after them for a few hours ? (e.g. a friend you can return the favour to). Having my daughter at nursery for a few hours some days of the week made a huge difference for me.


Don't surrender! :-)

Thanks both of you! It's good to know there are people who understand. I think I am just a bit overwhelmed - this week started off so well and I thought I would get loads done. I have a babysitter in the mornings so I can work but Wednesday I had to take son number one to the dentist, then his teacher said she had to speak to me urgently and couldn't tell me why over the phone. I went into school to talk to her and she wanted to tell me that he had been "cheeky" (he's 6).Another morning wasted! :-s Then this morning the babysitter rang 5 mins before she was due to arrive to tell me she was off sick - not her fault but I could have done without it. So my very productive week ended on Tuesday!! My husband works very long hours so I end up doing all the school/dentist stuff and it can't really be delegated. I think what has really been getting to me is that both my parents and in-laws have always worked 9 - 5 (him) and stayed at home to look after the children (her) and can be a bit critical that I am not doing this - which is a bit hard to take when you feel like you are making quite a crap job out of everything. :-( Anyway, enough grumbling...onwards and upwards! ;-)

Just wanted to offer a glass of wine (virtual - doesn't taste so great but does have the advantage of no hangover) in your direction, I have an 8 month old and have just started my PhD in Feb. Its chaotic to say the least, I have taken the decision to send her to nursery 3 rather than 2 days a week after Easter, 'day' at the weekend when my husband is meant to do childcare hasn;t materialised and together with various nursery bugs, sickness and things I think I've managed four weeks since Feb where I have done two full days a week!

I should add that before I started this PhD I thought I'd be able to work when baby slept (ha bloody ha) and I had the agreement of my husband that he would have our daughter a whole day at the weekend - he occasionally manages 4 hours but its hard to then concentrate with her in the background.

I'm only at teh beginning but I have learnt to do hard concentraty stuff when its quiet and do data work when i might get interrupted. Is there any way you can create a work space with a very big sign saying DO NOT DISTURB!?

Hi Hiccup - thanks for the wine! :-) Unfortunately we live in a really small flat (and I think this is probably as much of a problem as the babies!) When they are awake they are in the lounge/kitchen and I move into their room with the laptop to work. Then they nap and I move into the kitchen to work - I am always moving! Sometimes I take my stuff into the library to work but when I am writing up notes I like to have all my books with me and I can't carry them all.

My husband is a bit similar - he supposedly helps out at the weekend but I must admit I don't get much done when he is looking after the kids as he isn't that great at entertaining them! Good luck with the nursery! Mine will possibly going to nursery in Sept - depends on whether they get a place or not...fingers crossed!

I feel for all of you, especially those of you with younger children! Mine are both at school full-time now, which helps. But I still struggle to get enough time to work - there are always so many other things to do! My husband generally works from home one day a week so I get to spend a whole day at uni (which is too far away to just go in for a few hours). This helps because I can really get into it on those days without all the interruptions at home. I generally also get at least half a day on Saturday mornings when my husband takes the kids swimming - having said that, this morning we've got somebody sanding the kitchen worktops, which is not very conducive to working!

I can identify with those of you who say they find it difficult to concentrate even if your husband is 'looking after the children' when at home - that never really worked to well for me/us either. What worked better was if he either took the children out or if I went somewhere else to work.

It certainly can be tough! I would also advise against having a baby while doing a PhD - unless you know you have a good support system in place. Having said that, I'm actually thinking about having another one, but I feel I really can't wait any longer because I'm getting too old. :-( :$