Hi,

I am now close to breaking point.
I have agreed to take up a studentship, and am supposed to start in a few days' time, but I am having serious doubts as to whether I made the right decision.
To start off with, the PhD would be in a completely different area than my honours study, which not only means I will probably struggle a lot to start off with, but it also might create the impression of inconsistency for any future employers when they see that on my CV.
Also, ever since I accepted the studentship - which I did for all the wrong reasons, ie I thought I might not get another offer, it pays more than other studentships, I was desperate that I might get stuck working at Tescos or whatever if I couldn't find anything by fall, and I was also disheartened that I wouldn't get the position that I really, really wanted, anyways, so why bother to keep looking.
However, since I accepted, everything went 'wrong'. As I said, I felt pressured to accept, because of no other offers at that time and the supervisor was really really keen on me accepting, which I guess I found flattering :$. Also, my parents were urging me to take it because it pays well and they don't understand the whole concept of PhD study (ie conducting research - one project is NOT just the same as another).
Now I am in a really bad place. Since I've accepted, I've had this gut feeling that the decision was wrong. I have also gotten two other offers, one of which is the research project of my dreams in a dream location, but it is unsure if I will be able to get funding. However, if I were to wait for the decision on funding, I would not be able to take up the studentship which I have accepted. If I were to say I'm not accepting after all, and then wouldn't get the funding, I'm afraid I would have a bad name in academia and no one would ever want to offer me another studentship.
The other offer is also good, because it would enable me to get a Master's first, then continue on the same project with my PhD, giving me a chance to decide if it is still what I want after a year's time. Plus it would be in the same area as my honours studies.
Do you guys have any advice for me? What should I do? I'm not sure I accepted this studentship because I wanted it or because I wanted to please other people.
If I were to get the funding for the other project and then wouldn't be able to take it, I would never forgive myself. on the other hand, I don't know how easy it would be to get out of the studentship I've accepted without any consequences. Don't know if I'm just paranoid, but I have the impression that all the academics are mysteriously 'linked' and talk about these things...

xxx