I've had an awful PhD and am now stuck on submitting an MPhil.

1. It all started off so well, the work seemed promising as part of a larger project and I had good feedback but the experiments in my first year didn't give us much to go on so we had to drastically change the thesis angle at 18 months.

2. I applied for additional funding for academic support due to a disability that I'd disclosed at the start of my PhD. Negotiating this was a complete mess and I didn't receive disability support for 2 years.

3. After my first failed attempt at upgrade due to the aforementioned lack of good results/theory I had to take an extended period of leave to care for a seriously unwell family member. On return my supes pretty much lost interest/faith in my project - one didn't have the time of day for me, the other did but was irrevocably convinced by my pre-leave efforts that I wasn't smart or critical enough for the project. I was basically treated as a nuisance/idiot.

4. I failed the second attempt at upgrade which came as something of a shock but appealed the decision, which was easily upheld by all the aforementioned funding, disability and personal problems. However my committee made it clear at subsequent meetings that they still didn't think I could pass my third attempt at upgrade. This, along with disinterest from my supervisors of course lead to me being completely demoralized.

5. I worked my butt off and produced as much as I could (though still not as much as the committee wanted) in 3 months and threw out all the stops in my third upgrade viva I'd gained from appeal. My upgrade committee were nice enough on the surface, but from the assessment they gave me they were clearly laughing me out of the room. I apparently improved but still not at the rate they wanted, and the said the thesis was still lacking in justification and originality.

I was not surprised by this outcome given how FUBAR it's all been, but I am still completely devastated. My future life plans depended on this PhD since I wanted a career in research and now I have to completely reconsider all of this. It doesn't help that, as you can tell from above, pretty much everything that could have gone wrong from my funding to my supervisors to my project to my personal life did go wrong.

What can I do with this MPhil? I am ultimately only doing it so I don't have a 3-year gap in my CV. I also don't know how to start writing it (or rather changing my PhD thesis into it) when I'm so completely depressed about all this. My PhD experience has pretty much completely destroyed any self-esteem I had to begin with.

Hi Penpen,
I feel for you. Don't lose heart but look at the MPhil as a stepping stone to your ultimate goal for the Phd. Take a little time off to recover and do something nice for yourself. You are not defined by committees and supervisors. Don't let anybody demotivate you and keep you from your dreams. I know it must be so devastating for you-I cannot be in your shoes, only you can be your own best friend and focus on your goal. You will get there, just persist, one step at a time. If that is doing your M.phil for now, then do it and with panache:). maybe explore other options? You may come up with something much better.
Good luck!

Hi,

I feel for you too but, as Annie wrote, the MPhil could be used as a stepping stone. I don't know what field you're in but you may very well be able to build a research career out of it. I don't know what the route might be but maybe go and talk to your careers service (and, if you haven't done so already, student counselling- you've had a really tough time, you could probably use some support). Is there anyone from the staff who has been supportive who may be able to help / mentor? Anyone from a different institution? Also take a look at some research assistant/associate jobs to see where an MPhil could take you at the moment.

Annie is right, you are not defined by committees and supervisors, and an MPhil is still a higher degree.

Good luck.

You may need to give yourself a short period just to put it all in perspective-but then you should contact your supervisors and gain their advice on how to reshape your thesis into an MPhil which is still a worthy achievement in itself. As others have said, there may be another time later on when you go back and do achieve your PhD, but perhaps just not right now. It sounds like it has been an ordeal-and I hope you don't let this determine your own self worth or value-because it isn't an indicator of this at all but right now, it probably is hard to convince you of this. You do need to be gentle with yourself at the moment and not worry too much about what your supervisors think.

The other thing to consider is that having only one option for a career or job or vocation is really common but often a bit unrealistic. I'm always mindful of the teenager who grumpily tells me they don't need to worry about their essay because they will be a professional football player when they leave school. Very very occasionally one of them will be, but mostly they find other employment. I think becoming an academic can be an intelligent adult's version of this phenomenon, in that there are limited positions for this specific work and many people who finish PhDs don't become researchers or academics.

Having said this, you may still be able to research with an MPhil, but at a different level. For example, you may find employment in a government workplace or industry, where your MPhil is well regarded, and part of your work allows you to research.

Just my penny's worth here. At my old Uni., if you produced a very high quality MPhil dissertation that showed sufficient originality and contribution to the studied field then you could be upgraded to PhD at final viva.

I heard of one person on a teaching company scheme who got his PhD via this route.

Ian

Thanks very much for the advice everyone, it's made me feel a bit better during a tough time. :)

Yes I am indeed taking a long holiday before returning to my work. My current plan is after the MPhil to enter more regular employment for 3 years or so and then attempt to re-enter postgraduate study. However would anyone even let me in with an MPhil in my history?

I do take some responsibility for the project not working out. I didn't pursue good angles of research in my first year, and I neglected to tell my supervisors about my personal problems for quite some time before my leave. I also wasn't very discerning and picked a vague project to begin with. I have learned my lessons now of course but I doubt that would matter to any future attempts at a PhD application. I'd probably just look like a student with a failed PhD already.

I'm not sure about the later upgrade option - I've been given quite specific instructions to only produce 2 rather than 3 publishable chapters so even if it is good quality I doubt that'd be suitable for upgrade. Either way I'll have some papers under my name though...

PenPen,

I checked my former Uni. regulations and there is no mention of this upgrade from MPhil to PhD at final viva, either as they stood then or as they are now. So it must only happen in very rare, exceptional circumstances as with the teaching company candidate I mentioned.

You're probably right to think about working for a few years before coming back and attempting PhD again. I needed a break after Masters and didn't return for another 5 years. You could look for work in the real world in an area relevant to what you might want to do.

But as said above use MPhil as a stepping stone, learning from your mistakes if / when you finally do PhD.

Ian

You must be commended to attempt doing things which even normal l people struggle to do. Not that you should not push for a Phd, you should continue to see what help your institution can offer. Maybe use the appeal process. Sounds like should have pushed for a disability support or probably changed the university when they were clearly incompetent at dealing and understanding your special needs. Can you not sue the university?
This is exactly what had happened to another disabled girl in my department who was doing Phd coursework on a wheelchair. Our university does not have even lifts for disabled people so she could never go beyond the ground floor! Eventually, she finished her MS but moved to the US where she is completing her PhD. In the US, it's against the law to discriminate against disabled people.

My disability was finally accounted for when I appealed before. I was offered an additional year to compensate for it but couldn't get the funding to cover it and my committee still weren't convinced by my project anyway. :( Basically this whole extra attempt at upgrade was a waste of my time after all.

I'm still concerned about any future attempt at a PhD though; I'll have a big fat MPhil in my history and at best average references from my supervisors. Surely no supervisor or funding body would take me on with that?