Hi,
I am 5 months into a PhD. I took a year between BSc and PhD to ensure that it was really what I wanted. Now, I am not so sure and am thinking about leaving. I have run many calculations, but, simply because they were run by me, I don't think they are good enough/reliable. I don't fit in with the other PhD students and am not as good as them - I don't know the basics - so shouldn't be here.

My supervisor has a semi-supportive but relaxed approach and an 'open door' policy (unless in extreme circumstances I can't knock on doors unannounced) . Knowing, my history of anxiety and depression, and the fact that ad hoc meetings weren't/aren't working, he agreed to weekly meetings. But this is very hit and miss and I don't get nearly the same amount of contact as the others in the group - there are times when others that aren't his students see more of him than I do.

I don't know whether I can carry on in this way. But leaving makes me a failure.

Firstly, LEAVING DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FAILURE! Sorry for shouting, but it's true - a PhD is not for everyone, but that doesn't mean you have failed in any way if you do decide not to continue.

Having said that, I'm not saying you should quit. It is perfectly normal to feel out of your depth for the first few months, and for none of your experiments/ideas to work out - even in my final year I still felt that the other students were much cleverer than me, had better ideas, had a better relationship with supervisors, were more likely to get things published, more likely to get a job afterwards etc etc... And I managed (to my great surprise!) to get a publication, pass my PhD with minor corrections, and get a full time job straight after. Even now I still feel a bit of a fraud, as if I don't deserve to have passed - google 'academic imposter syndrome' and you'll see that a huge number of people doing a PhD feel exactly the same way! In fact, there have been loads of previous threads on here about it.

Is there anyone at university you can talk to? For example, do you have an advisor assigned to you to help with non-academic issues? Or maybe a student counsellor? I think your anxiety/depression problems may be clouding your judgement, and you're probably doing much better than you think you are.

Best of luck, and please keep in touch with everyone on here - others will be along with more advice soon I'm sure!

Rab285, I completely agree with the Smooblemeister on this one. It sounds like you are suffering from a classic case of 'impostor syndrome', which is known to be a very common beast in our PhD world. I have experienced this syndrome personally, and even had a session of hypnotherapy to address it, which seemed to help with my lack of confidence.

Anyway, you are still very new to your study, and I would think very hard about throwing in the towel just yet. I am on my second PhD and have my viva in about a month. My first go at the PhD was curtailed due to family problems but I still managed to obtain an MRes from it, so it wasn't completely wasted. Just hang in there and give it a chance, perhaps you can organise some pastoral support with another academic in your department. You can speak to the Head/Dean for guidance this. I once approached our university chaplain who was extremely helpful. There's loads of support out there, you just need to find it.

Best wishes, G.

Hey Rab285,

I have a little known expression called the "6 month curse". Having now passed my viva with minor corrections I always encountered these sorts of problems around the 6 month period of almost any year. During these times it's often you get bombarded with paper work, literature reviews to be completed, progress reports etc... I can see now this work load was adding to the fire. Both 'smoobles' and 'ginga' have offered some great advice here and so as not to add to it I would say this. Find something that keeps you motivated that even with external pressures mounting still seems to drive you to the very end. I love what I am doing and am very passionate about the work and that was always my driver. In 5 months no one is expecting you to be an expert and trust me even towards the end you still go back and read old papers that still add to the knowledge you thought you already had. The first year is about understanding the basics and planning preliminary studies and getting a feel for what could be done.

Towards the end of my PhD I started a postdoc three months before my final submission date. I was working every hour god sent, literally then about 2 weeks before the deadline my grandad passed away. I had a training course in London (miles away from my home institution) a few days before everything was due in. That course was for the postdoc then I was writing again in the evenings. I still got through it though with real determination.

Running out of words so next message......

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It may seem that everyone else is "better" than you or has a "better" relationship with their supervisor.... but PLEASE don't get drawn in by other people. You would be very surprised to find sometimes that they me be struggling even more than you, you just don't realise it. This is your PhD, embrace it, engage in it. It will probably dominate your life for 3-4 years but even with all the drama I had gone through, somehow I still enjoyed it! If you have any doubts now or uncertainties I would take this up with your advisor (or someone equivalent first in your department). Get their advice and then see your supervisor. If they are a good supervisor they will only want to help you.

I came out with two first authors in the end and two second author publications as well. I am working on another right now as well! After 6 months I felt exactly the same way as you do now but I got through it and you can to!!

That's great advice from Matt, I can draw many similarities, as I am sure all PhD-ers can. I don't believe there is such a thing as a trouble-free PhD; mine has certainly had its share of ups and downs. I remember someone asking on here a few years ago how one would feel if they were suddenly relieved of their studies, so maybe you need to ask yourself that question before making a decision.

Hi all,
Thanks for all the advice. Having spoken to one of the welfare tutors within the department, I have decided to stick at things for the time being - whilst also getting the right level of support. Without your advice I wouldn't have been able to do so - thanks.