Pretty much as the title says really :(

Have never really felt passionate about what I am studying and more and more often now feel completely bored and miserable, totally lacking enthusiasm for it. I have no energy or motivation for it to the point that it is being reflected in my work and my supervisor has suggested that I will struggle to cope with the next few years and should consider converting to a masters (so far I have done just under a year).

But I feel like a complete failure by even thinking about giving up and there are plenty of things I like such as being responsible for my own time management, being able to take my own direction and having a great group of friends.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am letting everyone down and when I've discussed it with my parents get told I am mad to think about throwing the opportunity away when I only have another two years. Whats more I have no idea what I want to do if I do decide to convert at the end of the year.

Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by writing and posting this except to see if I am alone or if anyone else can shed any advice or support as at the moment I have no idea who to turn to and am frequently coming home an emotional wreck :(

I'd be in a similar position. In that, I'm doing a PhD that holds no real interest and is very slow going which isn't helping matters. I feel angry that I couldn't get to study a PhD in the area that I wanted, especially since I know that the research is much needed. I felt even worse when I heard others had been allowed to study their interests. I was in a bind, needed an income and was told to pick one of the topics specified. I did intend to put my head down and work but feel let down by my supervisors and for this reason I'm losing motivation. I've went as far as possible but really need more feedback about certain things before I can make any real progress.

What keeps me going is that I don't want to be unemployed and this gives me a bit of space to figure out what to do next. Three years is not a long time in the scheme of things and that's all I'm giving it. I honestly don't think a PhD will make a huge difference to my life and so if it works out great, if it doesn't well it'll not be the end of my world.

My advice would be to grit your teeth and plug away if you can until you have a definite plan. Easier said than done, I know!

You're not alone and so chin up!

Crikey! Three years is a HUGE amount of your time!! I could never grit my teeth for that long... See my own thread, entitled 'Seriously Thinking About Quitting,' which is what I'm doing!

It is VERY scary - especially in terms of the lack of income (very, very, very worried about that) - but that is no excuse for doing a PhD you don't like. Maybe if it was a job, but a PhD is so very different.

I completely empathise with the original poster. I'm bored of what I'm doing, lack motivation, I've felt like a failure - I don't want to say to my girlfriend 'can't go out tonight, I've got no money!' but keeping on doing this PhD is not an option. Just under another 3 years to go... no way.

Do what's right for you. I'm trying to convert to an MSc - I will then be unemployed until I find something else (grad recruitment starts in September).

guitarman,

I have been following your thread and do feel your pain (to use a horrible expression). I strongly identify with all your emotions but having been unemployed I can only say I hated that even more. I got very seriously depressed and I never want to feel that low again. I suppose I know my situation and know that I'd find it very difficult to secure a job and I had and have debts to pay and so I feel better that I'm now able to deal with those things. I suppose the difference might be I knew I was starting a PhD that held no interest and my expectations were not high and so I'm not that disappointed. I also know a PhD will not advance my career in any great way but I'm now able to save a bit, should I decide to change direction. I've really tried to do right by my supervisors but don't feel the favour's been returned and so I'm adjusting to that. I don't think I'll end up with a PhD but I'll make the most of a bad situation which I know, from experience, could be worse.

I sincerely hope things work out for you as I know you're not taking things lightly.

It's been heard for me - I totally heed your point about being unemployed. I am totally stressing out about it! One can only hope that come September, I get lucky in securing a graduate job, else things will start to look sour.

Really don't think of this in terms of letting people down. If you do decide to quit, then you've tried something and it's not really for you - there's no shame in that. I'd suggest two things: find out exactly what would be needed to finish up with the Masters and make an appointment with the university counselling service to get someone neutral to talk this through with.
I think your parents are wrong to assume it will only take two years. If you are struggling, it may well take a lot longer than that and if you don't really enjoy it, then it's going to be a miserable time, so seriously thinking through whether this is or isn't a good thing for you is the right thing to do. I'm guessing from your post that a research career isn't top of your list now for future employment, so maybe also talking to someone in the careers service about what careers might excite you would help too. If you could get a clear idea of where you'd like to be in a few years time, then you could also figure out whether a PhD is actually likely to help.

Guitarman - I have just read your thread and you seem to have found the right words for how I'm feeling where I struggled to do so.

I have been discussing how I feel with a friend (who has no links to academia) and I below is a copy of what I have told her, its a bit of a waffle but somehow managed to get some feelings written down and it is easier to copy what I said than try and rewrite essentially the same thing.

I decided to go into further academic study as if I'm honest I had no idea what to do, a fairly "average" degree and felt it was the sort of opportunity you didn't turn down when offered it. I enjoyed the subject area at undergrad level but perhaps with hindsight failed to stop and think about what I actually wanted and whether it was the right decision for me and maybe went into it for some of the wrong reasons (though I feel I also had some right reasons namely enjoying and being genuinely interested in the subject). I am fortunate in that I am funded so have a small income.

However I have found it a constant uphill struggle and totally underestimated the level of commitment, dedication and work required and realise now I never had any real passion for it, just an interest which makes it even harder. I am finding myself losing more and more motivation, finding the pressures of work increasingly stressful and have been seriously questioning my personal motivations for doing the work. I am also finding what I am doing boring which I shouldn't given the nature of what I am doing and the freedom to take interest in whatever I want!! But I am bored and tired of reading, learning and analysing stuff - I am rapidly losing interest in a subject I once really enjoyed and struggle to find any inspiration to work.

I always knew the work was going to be really tough and that very few people have real job satisfaction and love what they do and even those people will still find their jobs stressful, collegues challenging at times and the real world out there is never going to be easy. I am unhappy but know if I can stick it out then I will open up many more opportunities for myself. But I also recognise that I am in danger of failing if I do not find ways of motivating myself and allow my unhappiness to govern my work output - already I have seen this happening which just makes me feel more depressed. That said there are days or very occasionally the odd week where I do enjoy what I am doing but somehow these always seem outweighed by the down days. When I look at the advantages of what I do (flexitime, great friends, freedom of the direction of my work, becoming "expert" at something etc. etc) and the fact I am being funded I feel like I would be mad to give it up and question why I am so unhappy but I just don't seem to be able to find the answers.

I have discussed how I feel with my supervisor and they have discussed options available to me - namely sticking at it but having to really up my game (as I said my work is already suffering as I just don't seem to have the motivation to work hard enough at it) or getting what qualifications I can (MSc) given the stage I am at but at the end of the day only I can make that decision. I have also discussed how I feel at great length with my Mum (has been impossible to hide the many many tears) and while I feel I have her support it is with the understanding that I don't give up on anything until I have a clear idea of where to go next and until I know that she feel I should keep going as if nothing else it gives me an income, experience and hopefully will continue to improve my future prospects. She feels very strongly that with the current economic climate I could find securing a job very difficult and could end up in a job where I find things equally tough or worse makes me feel even more miserable - atleast with what I'm doing now there are things I do enjoy and huge perks that I wouldn't have with any other job. I am inclined to agree wi

Cottonwood - I have yet to read the replies to this thread. I will do so now. I see you're online... I'm up right now worrying like hell. Most folks are now saying I should stay on for the money - being unemployed is terrible etc. This is an awful decision and I have to make it tomorrow, one way or another............ I shall read the replies now.

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Just read your letter - I believe it cut off due to a word limit? Unless you're typing it...



Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from. Sounds like we're in the same boat. It's the unemployment factor which really scares me. I would have 2 months of MSc work left, so I could look around then.. but grad jobs takes MONTHS to get, if you're lucky, and even then they might not start for months on end. Most people say work is just as bad - I feel it is so much more personal with a PhD. I feel like I'd be cheating myself and everybody else if I kept on - motivation is key and if the work isn't getting done, then chances are nothing may come of it. Part of me feels I should man up and see it through, get some money behind me and try not to be a financial burden on friends & my girlfriend. If only I had something else right now. But now that it's out in the opan, I can't stay on and then quit in the future - it will have to be total commitment. What a horrible situation. I know it's not doing any good for my health - I stress out all the time. Like you say, there a re good days. And then there are horrendous days...! My biggest regret is not getting a 'job'... although if I'd done that I would never have met my girlfriend, who means everything to me. I have never faced anything so gut-wrenching. My financial self tells me to do the two and a half years and then look for something near the end. Can you imagine if it all went wrong, though... andlack of motivation led to no doctorate at the end! Again, sometimes I wonder if I make things worse than they are.. I don't think so :D I know I'm not as interested in this as others - I want to get home at reasonable hours - I'm too sociable - I can't see myself forever keeping up with technology - I can't dent the feelings I've been having - I could go on.



Question is... when it comes to crunch time, what will the decision be..?



I feel I've burnt so many bridges now..