Hi Everyone,

I know this topic or similar topics have appeared on this forum before but i just feel like i need to talk to someone and 'let it all out' so to speak....

Im in my first year of my PhD, im in a different uni to my undergrad and i dont live on campus... so as you can guess socialising is pretty hard.

Recently ive been feeling down and frustrated about my work, im currently trying to get into the lab but i just feel like im spinning my heels! Ive also been feeling really lonely as ive left most of my close friends at my undergrad uni and i feel like theres an empty space inside me.

I dont feel like i have anyone i can really talk to at uni despite the fact i know a fair few people... the problem is i dont really know any of them well enough to talk to them and My uni is quite small so its easy to recognise/know most people.

I know one or two people really well but i feel i cant talk to them either as i dont want to lay out all my problems before them (i would feel like im being a nuisance).
Im very shy (although you wouldnt think this if you met me) so i find it hard to speak to people as im worried i'll annoy them and then i'll lose one of the few close friends i have.

Overall i know this post sounds all over the place and confused but thats how i feel... i know i should try to be more pro-active and get out more but it just seems that most of the people i know here just want to say Hi and never want to hang out or socialise. Just seems like they have their own stuff to do and you are just a passing glance.....


.....im just fed-up of putting on a happy face to the world

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Content removed by mods - advertising.

Oh Jeez, you really didn't need the advertising response from the first poster! Really, do they honestly think they'll drum up business that way??

Anyway - it sounds like you're having a tough time and it's totally understandable to feel this way. A PhD is so different to other courses where you naturally get to meet people through being in the same lectures, or to being an undergraduate where you meet people in halls of residence. It is quite an isolated existence. It is difficult to form new close friendships but do hang in there, it will get easier as time passes! It sounds like you have made some friends, but it may take time to find/form the really close friendships you've had previously. I don't really have much advice about how to go about doing that, other than to try cultivating one or two of your current friendships into closer ones by arranging to do things together and building up the time spent together, or maybe you can find new people who you 'click' with more easily through joining a group or club or something that would give you a shared interest to start from?

Other than that - a lot of these feelings are part of the uncertainty that we all feel as PhD students, I think, but amplified by feeling alone. Hang in there, and come back here and chat with all of us! Maybe you can also go and visit some of your old friends for a weekend, just to recharge your batteries a little?

Good luck with it all anyway!

Hey Twiglet210,

You're right, similar topics have appeared before, which just goes to show you that you're not alone in feeling this way :-). PhD can be more difficult to build friends compared to other courses. I left my friends and family and moved so far away to do my PhD but I admit I'm on a 1+3 year program so I made friends in my first year. You do not need to lay all your problems to your friends but you could mention that you're still trying to get used to the change and ask them how they coped when they first came to this uni, or where are good places to eat, things to do in town etc.

Maybe you could suggest a meal out with a few of the people you've met. You could perhaps make it a departmental thing, i.e. all the first year PhDs and it'll feel less personal and you can meet more people.

Also look for societies at your university that you could join, you'll be taking up an activity outside your PhD and meeting new people also.

CB x

I feel you on this as I'm in exactly the same position, I moved to a different city to undertake my study and as you know a PhD is not the most social of experiences. I can sometimes feel really down, lost and the thought of being here for 3+ years only amplifies that feeling. However, I know, as I have moved to a new city before, that it can take a while to feel like you are getting anywhere. It is a slow process that is only possible by placing yourself in situations that induce social interaction, for me I joined some random sports that I have never played before in the hope that I could meet some people.

It is a case of weathering the storm, because it will pass. You gotta ask yourself, "why did I move in the first place?" and you will soon realise that you did it for the challenge of meeting new people and overcoming a new environment and the challenges that it brings. Change is exciting, otherwise we stagnate.

peace.