Just need to get this off my chest. Started my third year and thought I'd be able to be cool like a cucumber by now but I'm already feeling stressed even though nothing's really happened! Spent the last year living far away from my uni and really enjoyed it. Felt quite 'out of the loop' but seeing as I have no good friends here, it wasn't a great loss. Now I'm back in this pathologically competitive and hyper-critical environment. Every time I see an email from my sup, I feel like my heart has dropped into my stomach.

Every time I see a fellow PhD student give a lecture or publish something (no matter how minor), it makes me feel really inadequate. I've done a few things myself but - probably like a lot of neurotic students - I downplay my own achievements and magnify those of others. I feel like I've tried reaching out to fellow students but I haven't found anyone on my 'wavelength'. Also, conversation invariably revolves around academics yet no-one actually wants to talk about the elephant in the room of PhD progress. All of my close (pre-PhD) friends live in other places so I only get to see/talk to them every few weeks.

I know I need to suck it up but part of me wants to build a bedsheet fort in a corner and stay there for the rest of the year...apart from whining to my husband, this forum is my only outlet so thanks for listening!

Hi Nesrine

It's not an uncommon way to feel. During my PhD I worked as a distance learner and as an 'on-campus' student (with a desk in my department and a favourite seat in the library).

Sitting at home reading, writing and talking to the cat was often preferable to the slightly odd 'environment' that is a postgraduate research cohort.

That said, there's a lot to be gained from contact with other students (as I'm sure you know). Seek out the chilled people and the fun conversations.

If you do get caught rubbing shoulders with folks that feel the need to trumpet their publications, endlessly retweet their blog posts or whatnot, well... they're probably doing it because they're just as anxious as you. Don't let it bother you. Your work probably rocks at least as much as theirs.

Hi Nesrine

I know what you mean about thinking you'd be as cool as a cucumber by third year - I am at the same stage as you and finding it all a bit hard-going too! I think in my case I over-estimated the powers of years 1 and 2 to turn me into a slick professional :)

I try not to pay too much attention to all the broadcasting people do about their achievements - it is daunting when you first look at it, but they're operating in an environment that encourages that type of broadcasting, and they are competing hard because they think it's the only way to get ahead. I'm not comfortable doing that, so I just try to tell myself that my ideas are as good as theirs, I'm just as capable of getting through the PhD, and so on. In some ways academia is really not a very healthy environment, so try to remember that the workplace itself has flaws, and don't internalise the problems and make them your own!

Hi Mark and chickpea,
Thanks for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm just trying to focus and not get bogged down by competition/politics (after all, the thesis is kinda the main part of the experience!) but it would be nice to have a few like-minded friends around.
N x