hey all,
well i had my 'meeting of doom' where i had to send everything over so far as i was starting my 5th year and still no thesis (see my earlier posts) and i have been given a final submission deadline...june 30th. i am supposed to hand in a chapter every month - The first chapter was supposed to be end of December, BUT i've still not submitted it eek! I had a very rough draft of it already but for some reason couldn't face it or make myself finish it over the christmas break, think i kind of freaked out a bit. I just got a very er 'curt' email from my supervisor asking me for it and, thank god i have FINALLY started writing it properly, and aim to have it in by friday. So, i'm now a good 3 weeks behind my schedule but am hopeful i'll catch up with myself as i have rough drafts of my lit review and have good 1st drafts of my results chapter....so the final countdown begins! wish me luck ....!!:p

Sometimes having a clear deadline really makes the mind focus...just don't allow yourself to give in to panic and see this as a positive thing that will make you structure your work.....and just think it'll all be over soon!!!!

Sometimes a kick up the backside like a curt email is just what one needs!

hehe, I had that last year. Timetable plus deadlines 'set in stone' for monitoring by the research degrees committee, so no worming out of that one! Sending in a chapter a month was hell, but it got done in the end. I really struggled with a couple of them, and sent in ones that weren't exactly polished, but I put in footnotes and comments so my sup would see that I knew what had to go there. It seemed better than her thinking I was in blissful ignorance about what I was writing - it's worth doing when you're pushed for time and it's not the Ultimate Deadline. If you lose time on some chapters, you might be able to claw it back on others so the overall timetable for submission isn't messed up. Don't freak out if you can help it, as you end up doing nothing and wasting time, trust me, I am an expert at doing this these days! Good luck with it !! (up)

thanks Ruby, nice to know i'm not the only one! Feel like i'm in academic rehab haha! i have (very) rough drafts of all the chapters except the analysis chapter and am pretty clear on my central thesis so i'm hoping to 'claw' back an extra week for that one...but have to get the methodology in for tomorrow so i'll be up all night tonight!!(up)

Ah this makes me feel very at home. Ruby and lilliput I relate. Sometimes a lot of the posts on here are a bit scary cos they have all done acres of work and generally make me feel like I have just wet myself and had to sit in it (nice thought no? lol) But its your thesis and can only be done by you and in the end is only for you. So dont worry and just keep going. I maintain most of us just want someone to tell us it will be alright. Im gonna buy one of those weird hug dolls from american inventor that tell you 'EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALLLLLRIGHT'

======= Date Modified 05 Feb 2009 02:22:06 =======
:-( i wish i had a more positive reply post but the truth is i still haven't handed any chapters over - i'm a month and a half overdue with the first deadline i was set and now falling dangerously behind - and wish i could just get over this weird aversion to writing already! I just spend hours surfing and then i want to sleep and cant face starting. I have a meeting with my supervisor tomorrow and i'm afraid that she'll say that i'm not allowed to continue - i would not be surprised and would understand as i've not handed anything over she's asked me to for the past year, and have not met the 'final deadline' schedule. I'm worried i've come to a dead end with this. The strange thing is that i still want to finish it , i know what i'm writing about, just cant seem to focus/face writing everyday. Every time i dust myself down and make a fresh attack, a couple of days later i slip back into old habits where i'm sleeping all day and surfing for 5 hrs. I'm not good with routine or structure and dont seem to have ANY willpower or self discipline left (i had lots of this before). I'll see what my super says tomorrow and if i'm allowed to carry on i'll need to make some serious changes to my life, and fast if i'm going to finish this thing and move on with my life! On a positive note, i actually did do some good work today and yesterday......Where do you get those dolls!!! lol!!!

Lilliput I just typed out the longest reply but in spell check its ballsed the whole thing and its disappeared but long story short.

Im exactly the same the only way I got over it was getting super organised and making a day planner but be kind to yourself 15 minutes of work a day and you will find you are getting more and more done Its a phobia at the minute that you have, its just that fear cos its been built up so much with your avoidance, I know because thats me.

Listen for your supervisor tomorro can you get a schedule of your submission dates and show them and try and prove that you are working toward something. It is just a confidence thing, start small with 15 minutes a day, set the egg timer and see how you get on. Just write for that amount and keep making little managable bits of work for yourself and before you know it you will be done.

if youre anything like me youre sitting thinking 'I cant do manageable tasks I have so much to do there is no way I can only do that amount' But listen its better than nothing and will get you back writing again. Freewriting is brilliant for getting speed and strength back in writing.

And also I moved out of my kitchen for writing and back into my office cos I found I was watching tv and doing nothing. So Im back in my office doing more work and trying to b productive. Try relocating or if that fails unplug the internet!

Good luck with tomorrow I really think you can do it!

Lilliput, how did your meeting go with your sup?

It's horrendously gruelling when you're up against the final submission date, but I always think it's not over till it's over and the actual submission date is passed, if you know what I mean. So theoretically, there should always be something you can do to improve the situation until then. It's hard to dredge up the energy to get stuff done sometimes, but if you really want to finish the PhD maybe you can make the best of the time you've got left. And this is coming from someone who is *still* messing about rewriting large bits of chapters with a few weeks till submission, on top of 'normal' corrections...

well had my meeting..
i told her that i'd been to my docs as i was getting worried about myself, not sleeping, not being able to get energy to write feeling down about it, feeling 'stuck' etc and he diagnosed me with depression (moderate clinical dep). My sup is trying to get me two months voluntary suspension so that i can get well and catch up, but she's not sure how that works or if i'll be allowed. I wish i'd known i could do that before as i would have done that last year when the problems really kicked in (the doc suspects thats when the depression took grip). Anyhoo,suspension or not basically my sup is really worried about me, and worried that registry is going to hound me now (i'm in my 5th year) I gave her the nearly finished chapter (which i will finish properly either today or Monday). She says that (after susp) we'll have weekly meetings so that i'm not hiding away and sliding again. She has always said that i can do this with my eyes shut and that the academic/intellectual side of it that is ironically the easy bit for me - if i would just write everyday i would be fine. She is very supportive but is worried that registry may be difficult.... i will let you all know when i get the word on the susp (which i totally hope i get to give me some breathing space) and in the mean time, thank you so much for all of your support and i'll be keeping positive!!
(up)

Lilliput,

Well done on getting advice from your Dr. I know that sometimes a diagnosis can feel like a relief as you understand a bit more about why you have these symptoms.

I have a friend with a temporary suspension not on medical grounds so I would imagine with medical ground they should be fine with giving you a suspension. Any problems, go talk to your SU. That's exactly what they're there for.

Take care of yourself

A

======= Date Modified 06 Feb 2009 14:57:32 =======
That all sounds really positive, Lilliput. Do you reckon 2 months is long enough though? I had a few problems a while back. I wasn't sure whether I was depressed, bad at dealing with stress or a hypochondriac as I was slipping behind with my PhD work and I didn't know why. It was annoying, as I'd been doing really well at everything before that. In the end, my GPs found that I had an underlying medical problem that could be sorted out easily once they knew what it was. They were really sympathetic about the stress of the PhD on top of that and were fine about providing a supporting letter for the uni for a 6 month suspension of my studies. The reason we went for 6 months was because it was apparently a big deal in terms of the procedural formalities to get it through the various uni committee etc, and also quite a slow process. As they pointed out, it was better to have a decent chunk of time to get healthy, with the option of getting on with my PhD if I felt like it but before I actually had to, it's just a bit less pressure and gives you more leeway.

Good luck with everything and do look after yourself! (up)

EDIT: I was carrying on thinking about this.... if you've got your GP's support, why don't you try to go for a longer period of suspension of studies, pending medical advice? I think a few of our students have had up to a year out for personal/medical reasons, several have been registered for their PhDs for about 9 years. It's crap coming back to the PhD when you've been off on health grounds if you really aren't feeling 100% because everyone expects you to be back to normal, and if you're still struggling then it wasn't the right length of time for your break. I'm saying that from experience btw! I know you and your sup have to get advice from registry as it's an official thing, but don't let them hound you!

I'd agree with Rubyw about possibly going for a longer break. I took a 5 month break on medical grounds in 2007, and really benefited from the chance to recharge my batteries and recuperate (I'm long-term ill) before returning to the PhD. I doubt that a much shorter break would have done me much good. I plumped for 5 months in the end (it was my choice how long I took off) because it tied in with returning to the studies at the start of the academic year in October, and my funding council will only allow a total of 12 months of break during a PhD and I wanted to keep time in hand for later in case I needed another break.

As for arranging the break it took my funding council a while to approve it, so much so that we had to chase them on the day I was meant to be starting the break to say whether I could start then or not. It also had to be approved by university authorities, but that seemed to be a formality. I needed a GP's letter to negotiate the break with the funding council (my bunch only allow breaks for medical reasons or maternity leave) but everything was simple to sort out.

Good luck!

I agree with the others it sounds really positive from your supervisor what a lovely bit of faith she has in your writing I wish I had that lol my sup tells me writing is my weak point! Oh well. But listen go and take some time and recouperate. I dare say there arent that many of us PhD lof who dont get depressed, its just noticing the symptoms and you did, so seriously go and get well and take your doctors advice!