Hello! I'm Michelle and I'm a PhD student or "lazy student" as my boyfriend jokes and I am just going into final year

My PhD story is simple enough, my carried out an undergrad project, supervisor for that poached me for " a wee project I think would suit you".  Admittedly it wasn't the project I wanted to go for but the supervisor had me go speak to the Prof and I was told I was to "do" that project should I plan of applying for one here.

I've bumbled on carrying out the lab work, but to be honest I never seem to get time to sit and read. I'm exhausted in the evenings and i'm lucky to stay awake after dinner.  I used to be very active before the PhD but I feel like a sloth now.  When I want to take a break I am made feel guilty, not by the supervisors (although it occurs on occasion) but the other PhD students.

I could write a thesis on my daily grumbles and how I feel different compared to others in the lab ( I have a clinical based project) the nail on the head came today when one student, who started with me said "what exactly do you do?"

I'm so frustrated, annoyed and unmotivated that I am turning into the "lazy student" my boyfriend described.

I just don't know what I am at. I feel broken and damaged - is this normal?

Can any of you help me?
I don't even know where to start writing ( and I had hoped the introduction would have been completed by the end of the summer)

Sorry for the rant, I just cant let this get the better of me and I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this that understands

:( M

Hi Shell,

first, it sounds about similar to my first year. Took forever reading and getting a literature review typed up. (I am not lab based, so the reading was about all there was to do.) It felt like groping in the dark for an object that may or may not have been in the room. That of course led to feeling that I wasn't doing anything. Don't worry about comparing yourself to the work of others. We all move at different paces. Some people are more sprint for short bursts and some are more 'slow and steady'. Reality is that you will probably do both at times. You just have to see which actually works for you.
second, take the 'what exactly do you do' comment as more curiosity on their part. Who cares if it is. You can either train them to not ask that again by giving them a long, detailed, boring rendition of what exactly you do - or - you could take it as a chance to lay out what you know by talking through it out loud.The second option is rare, and it becomes more so as time passes and you are conscious that others are just not as into your thesis as you are. (BTW, if people are dumb enough to ask that of you more than once, let them have it in gory detail, not just the 5 minute version.)
Last, you might just have a quick talk with the b/f. You both know it is a joke, but it might be contributing to your state of mind. Just let him know you would appreciate a bit more support as you are having a tough time with motivation lately. He will likely try to 'solve the problem.' Let him do that, pretend to listen and then hope that he realizes the problem is the lack of encouragement.
Just have to find what works well for you. Find time to do some sort of extra activity, whatever it is you enjoy. Too much mental and not enough physical probably isn't good for anybody.

Good luck with the research!

Thanks for the reply :)

I seem to have got myself a bit more sorted through a number of drastic measures

1. Counsellor at the Uni - a useful tool someone who will listen, even if the don't understand and they can provide advice on stress and how to cope. I would say they have been a big help in bringing me out of my slump
2. Spoke to supervisor - after all they know how I am getting on best. I'm doing great and I am to keep going - what was I worried for
3. Boyfriend eviction - to prevent murder he had to move out of the house. Demanding to know how much work I had carried out after a days work (and yes it was demanding and not asking) isn't on and really is a form of bullying. If its meant to be we can try again after the PhD when we are both normal people again. Until then he's off to his Mums and we can spend quality time at the weekend together
4.Stopped being so available to help others. The ipod is the best invention when you want peace in the office. No more random chats, no more can you help with this and no more guilt for having to say no. (I cant say no to helping someone in the lab after all someone did train me to where I am now and I am eternally grateful for that)


Even today I have been super productive, this morning I have :
Completed a set of results for a study and drafted the materials and methods section for it.

Progress - yes!
Happy Michelle - Yes!:-)