======= Date Modified 16 Feb 2011 09:59:48 =======
I have been having quite a rubbish time with it recently. I just keep mucking around even though I have heaps of pressure because I am submitting on the 1st of July.

I think there are two problems. I have really struggled a lot with impostor syndrome right from the start and I think that is coming back as I am starting to get closer because I know that soon I'll have to give it away and have it scrutinised by someone else. The logical part of my mind knows it is totally illogical because I have already published some of my work and I even won a prize for that paper, but still there is this stupid annoying voice that tells me everything I write is crap, and that I'm never, ever going to get the PhD.

The other problem I think relates to me thinking that since I am about to finish soon I should be working all the hours of the day and if I am not working constantly, I'm not working hard enough Which is leading to anxiety and then leading to me trying to work all the time, worrying too much, procrastinating then worrying more about not getting enough done because of the procrastinating, then getting nothing done despite spending 12 hours in the office! It feels like I never relax for one minute and I wake up feeling stressed. Normally I just go for a run and then I relax again and can get focused but even that isn't working. If It's crazy because I am trying to work all the time so I don't feel guilty and lazy but I am getting nothing done so I just feel guilty anyway.

I think it might partly relate to someone having asked me if i have a full draft of my thesis the other day when I told them my submission date. I don't. I wish people wouldn't ask these questions!

I think I know the answer is to stop being irrational because I am so close now and I would never have got this far if I was as stupid as I think I am. And my supervisors seem confident I can do it and submit by the date I have set. I know I should just set myself manageable tasks so I don't get overwhelmed. Really I am not sure why I am telling you all this but I guess it helps to write it down!

If anyone relates I'd appreciate any words of wisdom
(turkey)

Hi Slowmo

You're certainly not alone. That imposter syndrome gets to a lot of us and often seems to wield more influence in many ways than all the publications and prizes anybody might have. However, you said it yourself, you have publications, you have won prizes, your supervisors think you're on track to submit so you CAN do it.

I work at home most days as I get freaked out by seeing those around me apparently working so much more efficiently and productively than me! At least at home I can't see them. I don't mind comparing progress here on the forum but even so, sometimes when I hear what others have done it gets to me and the doubts seep in. Many people have put up advice here not to compare yourself to others and they're right, but it's hard. Still, it's your Phd, done your way.

If your submission date is 1st of July, work back from that and figure out what to have to do from now 'til then to make that submission date. Despite your crisis of confidence, it does come through from your post that you're on track so think positive - by 2nd of July you'll be in happy-town. There's a lot of us on the forum at the moment hoping to submit this summer so we should be able to keep each other motivated, and sane!

Quoting Barack Obama (:$) "Yes, we can" and coining a new mantra for the forum here, "Yes we will"!!

Hi Slowmo, you could be describing me there..... Firstly I found the way to deal with some of the imposter syndrome was to just go along with the 'pretend' me. The one that everyone else seemed to think was doing well etc. I found this very useful when i got myself in knots over presenting and just viewed it all as an act. I'd act confident/smile/never allude to being nervous and after a while you manage to convince yourself a bit. A couple of people even asked me how it was possible so remain so calm little realising how many insecurity thoughts were crashing on in my head.
Secondly, I also did exactly this, beat myself up if I wasn't working yet when I sat down to write, ANYTHING (forums/ebay/wikipedia/you name it. I'm now an expert on random things that are never going to be useful!) was more interesting than writing. Many people on this forum have mentioned 'write your thesis in 15 mins a day' and I tihnk that really works for some. I had a timer on my computer for 25 mins, I'd work on it for those 25 mins no matter what. If after those 25mins it was going good I'd carry on. If not, I'd stop, do something I wanted to do for a bit then reset the 25 mins. As for having a draft thesis already - in my dreams I would have one 4/5 months prior to submitting, in relality, no chance. But it's not theirs, it's yours. It doesn't matter what they think. I hope some of this helps....
I've just seen Ady's reply, I totally agree!

Hi Slowmo, I am totally in the same place as you, as my submission date is the day before yours!

first of all, come and join us in the "deadline is this summer" thread - it's become a great, support certainly for me, as we all share our anxieties and worries. We also share our progress and you will see that all of us (with the exception of the super amazing Dunni) are still trying to scrape together a full draft!! Also, you will see in the thread that taking a break is crucial and has to be taken frequently!

Also, speak to people in your department that have gone through this recently themselves. They will all tell you that they too went through exactly the same problems as you did. It will make you a) feel that you're not the only one, that it's a normal thing to be having these problems, and b) see that there will be an end to this, and a brighter light at the end of the tunnel.

oh in the thread, we also talk about our work schedules and whether it's reasonable or not... which might help you with the anxiety of being able to finish on time :)