I usually get along with most people just fine. Obviously, I don't like everyone but I have never experienced anything like this: there is this other PhD student in my department who I really start hating. He only cares about himself, doesn't coordinate important things with the other PhD students there and is all over the place. He makes us others work more so he can lay back and do nothing and the worst thing is, our supervisor doesn't seem to notice! We can't very well tell on him since we have to continue working together (he is researching somehting different than me but we have to coordinate for teaching) for at least another 2 years. I am so mad at him right now because somehow he managed to get out of a quite undesirable task this morning , and now I have to do it!

Is there by any chance someone else out there experiencing the same problems?

re "I have never experienced anything like this" - I don't think I really hated anyone until I started my PhD i.e. during the last 4 years of my life I've met a few people who I dislike more than anyone I met before I started my PhD! I have often wondered why this, but as yet don't have any explanation...

Marbeaux,

yet maybe you lack assertiveness. If you do not let him know that you are unhappy regarding his behaviour it probably will continue (or gets worse). It is therefore important to say something like;" ... I have noticed that you are not doing your job/ sharing information etc. Is there a specific reason? If not could you ...."
Also makes yourself feel better

Hmm. I learnt that at assertiveness training too, and I thought it was an excellent idea until someone reminded me that there are people out there who would take great pleasure in the fact that you're annoyed by their behaviour (so I've never tried it).

Yep, been there all right. Once had to work with a real manipulator, so good at getting others to do her work by coming up with endless "personal problems", and half the time didn't bother turning up at all. (But of course when she looked like she was going to fail, it was everyone's fault but hers) for not "helping" her.

Believed her for a long time but it eventually became clear that the problems were a pack of lies. The trouble was she was so good at acting innocent in front of supervisors. Any any suggestion that she perhaps consider doing her own work was met with tears and accuations of bullying (this from a 50+ woman, mind you).

Eventually (and this took 5 years) she was thrown out of 4 research groups for her attitude. All I can recommend is that you keep calm and unemotional, cos as Sue says, he will love it if he thinks he has got to you. Smile and be succesful; this will wind him up. Eventully people will figure him out.

Thanks to all of you for your insights.

I took the plunge yesterday and tried to speak to him about his behaviour. He didn't get it! He didn't see it as a problem at all and didn't even know what I was talking about! So I decided there is no reason to speak to him at all about this any more. If he doesn't understand that there is a problem, it is just time wasted.

I am really uncertain whether my supervisor realizes what problems we are encountering with this guy. He always manages to make himself look normal when the supervisor is there. Sometimes I think, though, that the supervisor must know. How could she not notice the tense atmosphere? But what if she really doesn't know? I cannot very well go and tell her...

I am really mad at myself for obsessing about this but he is so annoying and keeps me from doing what I should be doing...

Kick him where it will hurt the most and then pretend it was an accident.

Seriously, if it's affecting you so much, you should speak to your supervisor about it. Or maybe get one of the others to come with you so you can both approach the supervisor about it.

The guy is blantently being a selfish git, he deserves it.

I'd bet good money that he is pretending not to know what the problem is; that way he can act innocent and insinuate that you are imagining things. Are you alone with him? It is always better if several people have experienced problems with him; that was what happended with my colleague in the end: so many people made the same complaint.

Marbeaux

I think it was a courageous first step that you have spoken to him. It is not a surprise that he does not see there is a problem; as you indicated yourself often these people lack insight and "do not play ball" .
As you do feel there is a problem you could / should now discuss this with your (and his) supervisor. It is also a good idea to write these things down.
I have learned regarding these issues to tackle them at an early stage and to document what you are doing.