Hello fellow researchers,
Goodness where to start, I'm second year going into third and this whole year I feel like I have done bugger all (pardon my language)recently having attended training on vivas etc, I feel like at the end I will fail, I've never been positive about myself during this process, even though I know my project is good and I can do it. I just think i'm gonna be rubbish at it.
Its awful to say that a crippling insecurity about my ability is creating the effect I feared. I have 5 more chapters left to do, Im submitting in a year. I just can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything...to quote Macbeth, 'To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,' I swear the days are sliding by and I manage to get nothing done, just looking at others work so meticulously referenced and cross referenced just fills me with fear.
Is this just me? If the other PhDs in my faculty are to be believed they have practically finished with no problems at all. Have any of you experienced this...is it just me?
Thanks!

Is it one of those 'enormity of the task' situations? And if so, do you have a definite plan for how you are going to go about getting it done?

I do have a plan yes. Its one I don't always stick to but I do have chapter breakdowns etc, which I think may have been more for my supervisor than me.
It is sort of an enormity of the task issue as sometimes I'm quite relaxed and others I'm just amazed at the detail and researching involved. Does that make any sort of sense?

I know how you feel. This sort of stuff has been b*&%ing me for a while and it can really shake your confidence.
People will always talk themselves up in this way, or 'moan' that they are 'really busy' for example but somehow find hours to chat!
It's total attention-seeking rubbish and my advice is to just ignore them. You should not feel that you have to justify yourself, this is your journey, not theirs. No-one will understand your PhD better than you, so how can you compare yourself to the others?? I bet you are streaks ahead of them anyway!!

liminalplace
i totally understand how you feel! i have felt like that throughout my phd. all those years, being told to go from one project to the next. nothing ever working. my supervisors always saying that they dont think i can defend my work, and dont know my subject very well! it can all take a toil on your confidence.

i have to submit my thesis by september, or i will fail. literally fail!

so i work in short term deadlines. if i think of my whole thesis as one big gigantic mountain, then there's no way i'm going to be able to do it. the fear will just paralyse me. so i work in 2-3 days deadlines. i set myself a target, and i just think about that and focus on that.
i think it was cakegirl that had the mountain metaphor.

having a writing up diary helps. it enables you to see where your time is being spent.

even if you work on your thesis, just a bit each day, you will get there in the end.. what matters is you work away on your phd, everyday. whether its doing a particular experiment or whatever.

every phd student feels like this. you are most definately not alone! we all have our ups and downs in motivation. trust me. hang in there!

What subject area are you researching?

Is it a matter of collecting data for these 5 chapters or do you mean writing them or both!

I agree with the other posters some students seem to love boasting about how fruitful their projects are, when in reality is usually their way of disguising their own insecurities

I'm not sure how things work where you are, but could you apply for some time off and take a break. I felt the same at the end of my second year and was despondent for so long I took myself off to a holiday and came home much better for it. Nothing fancy, mind you, it was a simple walking holiday.

Liminalplace, I understand what you mean about the days passing away!
I would suggest you concentrate very specifically on one area, and try to removes all other PhD concerns from your head.

Also, I notice you talk about viva training. I attended a viva training course the other year and felt terribly deflated afterwards (I'm wondering if it was the same type of course!).The course was not bad, but the trainer paid much attention to a number of horror stories about the actual viva and failure rates e.g. 8 hours vivas and then failing etc, or vivas going on more than one day. He also, for the most part, portrayed examiners to be monsters, who really don't want to be examining. Personally, I felt quite panicked afterwards and found it hard to get back into my work.

I mentioned some of the facts from the viva course to my supervisor, and he dismissed them, and kindly informed me vivas are more likely 2-3 hours long.

Oh lovely--a course that should be promoting how to not only survive but pass your viva with flying colours does the opposite by telling unhelpful war stories...why am I not surprised? What is with the unhelpful attitudes and offerings in academia to promote one's confidence and success? If the one I have to go to is like that, I promise you that I will challenge the content ( in a most professional and appropriate way) by asking what on earth those war stories contribute to the ability to pass my own viva. For instance, they ought to be telling you how to comfortably present your work, about the importance of body language as you discuss, i.e. eye contact, sitting up straight, body language that is open rather than closed, etc;, how to address points you do not know how to answer, etc, etc, NOT about how to demoralize people already feeling some anxiety and stress over the process.

OLivia stomps off to the library full of self righteous indignation over the state of academia. PAH!

OH my gosh guys thank you so much for being so totally helpful and supportive. I know what u mean about the viva thing, the course was pretty good but pretty bloody scary and I think you are right Olivia it could be done in a much more productive way.
But in general I completely agree with you in more than one way! Absolutely I think breaking it done in the best thing I have started breaking my chapters into subheadings, its just getting the motivation to do something...anything... lol I'm currently hiding from my supervisor hoping she has forgotten about me...being summer and all.

By the way is any one else in the position where they have presented at an international conference its just I have to and I am completely cacking it!
Any tips???

xxx

liminalplace - As for the conference, to quote my grandmother, "They're only people!". Prepare the best you can and stay honest in presenting i.e. don't make claims you can't back up and if you can't answer a question, state that you haven't look at it specifically but it is a good topic for discussion - most people want to see you succeed.
As for the grinding of a halt in the PhD, I can relate. I am coming out of the tail end of what I would see as six months of sheer torture, which affected me deeply personally (taking the f**king thing far too seriously). If you sat down and actually listed out what you have done, you'll find that you are probably a bit harsh and that while there is a lot of work to be done, it isn't impossible. There might be a lot of uncertainty but half the battle is accepting that fact and just having a bit of self belief. Also, if the thing goes over three years, so what - work around that then.

thanks bonzo really good piece of advice there. Will totally be taking ti on board. I suppose its my first major conference and im speaking second yikes!!!!

cool, your first presentation at an international conference! i've only managed a poster so far and a presentation at a national conference. your chance to shine! chances are, you'll be the only expert on your specific topic.

you should practice beforehand: prepare your talk well in advance and then hold it front of your group (supervisors and others from your department) as a dry-run which can be criticised afterwards (i always record these dry-runs on an mp3-recorder so i don't forget the suggestions because i'm feeling all stressed out). then correct everything they suggest (there'll be tons... ) and hold the talk in front of the group again if they let you.

you'll feel a lot more comfortable then, i promise you that!