I kinda fell into doing my Ph.D did a under-grad law degree, I'd always felt uneasy with practising law, for myriad reasons I didn't feel it was for me so I did a masters course, I found an affinity with an area of law that I had never expected and as a result got a really good degree, far beyond what I expected. I took a year out to try to find some direction. All the graduate jobs I looked at looked either soul destroying or just demonstrated law is not necessarily a very transferable degree. By this time I was working full-time on a year out, I actually really enjoyed it, menial as it was it was great fun and kept me really busy. I've always felt guilty that I was just wasting any talent I had, that I was just drifting - much as that kind of freedom appealed, my guilt always reminded I had to do something I ought to do if that makes sense. By this time I'd get friendly with my would-be supervisor, I was inspired interested and could really see I could apply myself to some really interesting problems,

I applied for a place and completely contrary to expectations got Research Council funding and thought I'd be stupid not to take it up.

That was probably the high point. Once I get under-way I quickly felt out my depth. My supervisor took a very hands off approach, with months and months elapsing between any kind of contact, in truth I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't know where to begin, I just didn't feel equipped. I can't blame them, they are pretty prominent in their field and have a lot in the department but it's so disheartening when you feel even your supervisor doesn't think your work is of any importance. Luckily I did and still do a lot of under-grad teaching and that kept me busy. It's kinda been my saviour, I still teach a lot, do some lecturing and pretty much run two optional modules, it's great but as far the Uni. is concerned it counts for nothing, if I didn't do it someone else would.

I'm now in my third year, I am writing, I have a clear structure and a clear question but I've still got a couple of years work left realistically. I've got a lectureship at a different institution stating in February and have to upgrade before then and I'm terrified.
In the last two years I've been so low at times, spent says just doing nothing, struggling to get out of bed, seeing no purpose in what I do, having no idea what I'm doing, why I'm here why I didn't just get a proper job, why all my friends have structure and purpose and I don't and above all just losing all confidence in my ability.I don't know how I got here, I feel like I've somehow blagged my way into this, my work just seems flimsy and pointless and I just feel like it's going to get worse, that I'm going to somehow get found out and everything is going to fall apart.

I've been here before and I'm back here again and I just don't know what to do, any thoughts, any shared experiences would be so welcome.

hang on in there. you have been here before and it has passed, and it will pass this time too.

don't know if that helps, but i frequently feel just like you do.

i am sure you are doing great. some people, at least, believe in you, or you wouldn't be doing your PhD, and you wouldn't have got that lectureship. so, even if you don't believe in yourself, you must have done SOMETHING right or things wouldn't be working out like this.

i understand how you feel, but chin up. you are in thrid year and can see the end in sight and have already been offered a lecturship. sounds to me like you've got talent. lectureships arent exactly easy to come by in any feild. Consider how many PhD graduates there are vs # lectureships

i didnt even make it passed first year and its has been a very hard few months for me, all ive ever really wanted to do was carve out a successful career in research.

but ill get back up on the horse eventually/ i find out this week if i get into Oxford for a masters so fingers crossed....

i totally empathise with feeling inadequacy, having no direction ,not seeing supervisor for long periods of time. i never really knew what was going on with my project and my supervisor never really gave a shit. it has destroyed my confidence even though i know i can make an impact if get a project i really like and still think i will have another shot at a PhD

The law can only win if you view it in a positivist light, as some entity that hangs out there of its own creation and volition. If on the other hand, you do not see law in a positivist light, then, it cannot win, because it has no separate independent existence.

The law can only win if you view it in a positivist light, as some entity that hangs out there of its own creation and volition. If on the other hand, you do not see law in a positivist light, then, it cannot win, because it has no separate independent existence.

Maybe that's the problem I am positivist! I really am. Thanks for the replies, I know how frequently these down times can come round it just doesn't make them any easier, the isolation of it all is like that insomniacs must feel, all your friends are at work, your partner's at work, there's no one call, let's not dream for a minute your supervisor is actually contactable - the world might as well be asleep and the blank Word document in front of you yields no answers.