just something i feel like sharing.

when i started my PhD a year ago, it meant moving to a different country, that is, moving away from my long term partner, and from a secure job into financial insecurity. it was exciting and i believed in my possibilities and the future, and although it was tough to be separated from my partner, we managed quite well with lots of phonecalls and visits. but then one funding application after the other was turned down and with that, my future became ever more insecure, and my confidence dropped. by the end of the year i was broke, and disillusioned, and quite put off by having given up a good life for loneliness and hardship. (continued)

in these circumstances, i found it very hard to do real work for my PhD. it felt as if the only point of giving an effort was to have it over with soon, and that wasn't enough for me, especially if that was going to continue for several more years. so, added to the rest, i wasn't making any progress on my project, either, which made it all seem just all the more pointless. it felt as if the present was awful and there is no future.

but now, it seems the winds have changed. i applied for and was offered to teach, and i also got another smallish job on the side. and i recently learned that i was awarded a grant from my university which covers the fees plus a little (i wrote about that elsewhere). best of all, my partner who is finishing his own PhD, was just offered an excellent job at a university very near to where i am (yes! the suit did it! thanks everyone!). now it feels like i have a future again. things to look forwards to, plans to make. now everything seems to have a point again, there are goals worth striving for, and although it is raining, it feels as if the sun were out.

so life goes on... and this experience has taught me that having some kind of future to look forwards to is essential for my motivation and happiness. i do believe in living in the present, not for the future. but if the present means unhappiness and loneliness, there has got to be something else, in the future, which makes it worthwile. so here i am - now i really want to get back to work. it's such a difference!

thanks all of you out there for listening and sharing and being there.

Congrats! You are living proof there is hope for us lot yet!

That's a lovely story! I'm very happy for you.

Nice to hear that things have started to go better. My own attitude towards my work when I have financial or familiar problems is different - I work even harder then, but it's kind of desperate because it's working without a focus which, I agree, is a really essential thing.

This is a very great, encouraging and inspiring story, shani, thank you for sharing. Anyone else have something inspiring to say, please say it as there are a lot of starters like me (I'm sure?) who really need to hear them, however small and insignificant they seem to you.

...wonderful inspiring story... thanks for sharing that, it makes me smile :o)...
...like last night's tv program about the oldest people in the world... such inspiring feisty 100+ year-olds. Watching them somehow inspired me to go back to my writing with extra vigor... these inspiration stories keep us all going, and smiling while we work :o) ...and on that note, it's time for lunch