I feel completely lost. I'm coming to the end of my first year and feel the same way I did at the start, but more worried about the whole thing. I started at the same time as another student with the same supervisor and he's getting on fabulously. He has a number of sites counted and seems to have no problems. I did an MSc and I feel like I'm lagging behind. He's in all hours and my trouble is is that I have just moved out from my parents, into a new house with my boyfriend, so I obviously want to spend time with him. But over the past couple of months I've started to loath coming in - i've been hiding the fact that I'm lost and its getting worse. I really enjoy my subject, but have a problem getting the data (I count and identify pollen grains)-I have no confidence in ID, so I'm not counting. I think I have some good ideas of what to do with results, but I need help getting to that stage. I have a meeting with my supervisor this afternoon, but I'm embarrassed to bring it up. What should I do?

Hi - sorry if I have scared you guys away. I guess I kinda sound like a lazy person who should just solve their own problems. I just need a little bit of advice. I know I have to do the hard work myself and I am quite prepared for that - I just don't know what direction to go?

Hi CJ! I am not in your field, so what I am suggesting is very generic and you should take it for what it is. I think that you have two problems there. One personal: you have moved out from your family's home and are trying to settle down in this new situation. Second, you are working along with another student who has the same supervisor and seems to be very competitive. My own impression is that you should try to keep the two things separate.It's normal that you want to dedicate time and energy to your relationship, but you should also try to organise a timetable for the next few months where you establish some short term goals. You are enthusiastic about your subject, and this should be of help.

As far as the 2nd problem is concerned: delete from your mind the idea of the other 'succesful' student. I know for personal experience that we often tend to idealise other people's achievements. Even if this other student is brilliant, I can tell you that situations are not standing still, and everyone experience good and bad times along the way. I would certainly talk about your problems and ideas on how to develop your project with your supervisor this afternoon. I am sure that you will be fine!

Cj, that song by Micheal Jackson, you are not alone!!! Please do not be to concerned about the other student, but start focussing on urselves, what could you best do from this situation, re-evaluate your goals, spending time with boyfirend is OK, u need that support, but getting a Phd with ur boyfriend could do wonders...You are not loosing him, find the balance and keep focus!! Only u have the power to change this. SELF PITY DOES NOT WORK!! Advice: Never compare urself to others, for others will always be greater or lesser than urself.

I think i have the right balance between work and boyfriend. We are both doing a PhD and we are both in uni during the day and we work some evenings at home, so I don't feel that that is the problem - all I was trying to say is that I am not one of those academics that only lives for their research, I have other commitiments (no offence).

its not a critic, i am not offended my dear CJ, I am with you, but i am not sure what u are defending!!! It was a very good and genuine advise....Of cause admit u have a problem whatever it is!! U cant change what u dont admit...whatever it is u have a problem... Study hard and all the best!!!

I would bring up problems with your work with your supervisor, or find another student/postdoc that could help.

Just wanted to say thanks for the feedback. I have been to see supervisor and told him what was on my mind and it looks like things are OK. Hea actually liked my ideas and is going to give me a little guidance on the problem area!
Cheers!