Hey guys I need your criticism =)


I‘m applying for the [position name] position as advertised on your university website. I hold a MSc. degree in Design and Technology in Electronic Engineering from the *****.

My Master’s degree project was the design and development of an environment monitoring device which also focused on achieving optimal power consumption and efficiency under the operating parameters of the device. This device was equipped with a rich set of sensors; it had several radio modules and solar panels incorporated in my design. All data was stored in the devices memory and could be sent through GPRS connection to the server. My research and testing lead to the successful implementation of low power consumption which meant the device could work for several years without requiring any additional charge.

The research experience and knowledge that I gained while working on my Master’s project proved to be invaluable and would be something that I would later draw upon throughout my career. The past four years I’ve held the Electronics Engineer position of Research and Development at [company name]. During my employment I have developed telemetry devices for resource counters; heat, water, electricity, etc. and was involved in the development, drafting, and testing of the telemetry systems. I also have practical experience in computer programming languages such as C/C++, Python, and several others which enabled me to design microcontroller firmware. I have worked with Atmel microcontrollers, GPRS, and RF modules. From practical experience and study I have developed a strong foundation in various protocols from Modbus to TCP/IP. I was involved in the entire product lifecycle from conception and design to the end process of maintenance and support of the devices and systems.

I enjoy working as part of a team and the collaboration at every level as well as liaising with contractors and project stakeholders. I have also developed my inter-personal communication skills, planning and analytical skills and other essential transferable skills that I utilize together with my technical skills to deliver results that are aimed at increasing the efficiency of the manufacturing process.

I’m an excellent candidate because I have broad experience in design processes and product development. My engineering skills and knowledge with the **** program along with my real-world experience with practical application makes me a very strong and valuable asset to your

What you want to say is in the 4th paragraph. Put it first. It's very passive to explain yourself first and then give the facts - it's as if you are not convinced about what you are going to say.

Say it. Then tell the reasons.