Hi,

I'm trying to get as much advice as possible before making a big decision and any comments or experiences would really be appreciated.

I want to quit my PhD. I'm a year and a half in and I have hit a mental and physical wall. I have minimal interest in my project and feel like I'm wading through a fog in my mind when I try to work on it.

I'm a financial mess and money worries make me struggle every day and resent my PhD as I was on a good wage and had savings before starting. Now I'm approaching 30 and in a huge debt caused by the PhD and I find it hard to get over the anger at my PhD for putting me in such a position.

I feel I almost have to quit as I have nothing more to give. But if I do quit I just have no job, no income and nothing to show for the years I've wasted apart from being in a much worse position than when I started.

Has anyone on here quit? What was your next step? Do you regret it? What would you say is the critical factor in knowing whether to quit or not?

I really appreciate any clear independent advice. I'm feeling really down and it's hard to make a good judgement at the moment so I'm hoping the more people I talk to the better.

Thanks

I quit a full-time funded PhD about 14 years ago. My reason was developing a progressive neurological illness, though I didn't realise at that time just how serious I was (I'd be rediagnosed a year later). But I knew I couldn't continue full-time, and my funding body would not support part-time study.

My decision was easy, though it was the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life. There was no way I could continue as things were, I knew I wasn't going to get any better (even if I didn't realise then just how seriouslyill I was), and the only sensible option was to pull out. Once I'd made that decision - sitting in the car overlooking the North Sea with my husband - I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my mind. I knew it was the right decision and never had any doubts.

I regret that I didn't tell my supervisor in person. I emailed him instead, and my husband (then a fellow PhD student in the same department) went to talk to him. But I could not set foot in that building again. It would have been heart breaking.

After I left my PhD I went through a grieving process. It was extremely painful. But I still knew I'd made the right decision.

I've since completed a part-time history PhD in a totally different discipline (humanities, compared with science in my full-time abandoned PhD), so have achieved my goal, even though I can't use this for work.

If I was you I'd have a frank conversation with your supervisor. Well that's what I wish I'd done. Well actually I did this, before I left, while we explored options. But he was still hoping my health would recover, when I knew - deep down - that it never would.

Good luck!

Thanks Bilbo. Sorry to read about your illness preventing you from going on. I hope things worked out best for you in the end.

I have imagined quitting and like you describe it gives me a sense of relief and that something has been lifted from my shoulders, but also a terrible grief. I was so excited when I was offered this project and gave up everything in my life for it (I had to move country, leave my partner and ruin my finances) so to walk away will mean I lost everything for nothing.

But the project changed between when I was offered it and when I started and I'm trying to imagine it as it is, without all the baggage, can I go on doing something I hate? I've lost all my zest and passion for the subject and life, but don't know if quitting will bring it back. It's such a hard decision as neither option is 100% the right one. If I stay I will be unhappy and half-hearted, if I leave I will always grieve for everything I lost and for what I had hoped to make out of the PhD.

I'm going to talk to my supervisor tomorrow. At the moment I'm just trying to talk to as many people before then to feel prepared and informed.

Thanks again.

Hi Phdtodo, I'm sorry to hear about you situation. I've been in a similar circumstances to yourself and am currently struggling to get by on zero income, as I write up. I can understand your resentment at feeling as though you've sacrificed so much for nothing. You've probably heard all about the PhD blues and how a lot of people doing PhDs experience what you're going through now.
I'm awful at giving advice, and it might not be helpful, but bear with me. I've been working on my PhD for over 3 years now, hate it, resent it for the reasons that you do (debt, no social life, etc) and, fxxk, am I so fed up with it! I'm going to press on with it and get it handed in though out of sheer stubborness, because I want something to show for it. I think that, having already done so much work, it would be a real shame for you to just walk away from it (you financial situation not withstanding).
Would it be possible to take a short break to clear you head? To see your doctor about possible depression? It might help you see things 'more clearly'. If you do decide that leaving your PhD is the right thing to do, could you talk to your supervisor about submitting for an MPhil or MSc? That way, you wouldn't be leaving without any recognition for all your hard work? Is there any financial support you could obtain from your university, like a hardship payment?
Best wishes.

Wally's advice is really good. I took a break part-way through my second go at a PhD. It was either take a break, or I would quit, again! I was at breaking point, due to coping with the life-threatening neurological disease, and struggling badly with writing up. I took a break for 5 months over the summer of 2007 and came back refreshed and ready to finish things off.

If you do this really do take a break for the arranged period. Do not do anything PhD-y. And seeing a GP for advice is a really good suggestion too.

i'm with Walminski.. on this one. quiting after the sacrifice you've made will only make you feel bad.

have you considered allowing yourself the option of quiting slowly whilst keeping the option of getting back to it if it turns out to be the right thing?

you can achieve this by:

1) taking time off. go to a counsellor and describe how you feel. 'hopefully' you will be diagnosed with something, maybe depression. although being sick is not ideal... you can use this to get sick leave and go and see your family as well as make more funds to keep you going during the phd as well as take a break from it all to gain a new perspective to things whilst at the same time, stopping the phd clock. this way you have a open cheque - if after 6 months off (that's how much i'd take and believe me not much will have changed in the area) you feel like coming back.. you can come back refreshed. if not, you can leave being sure that it is what you want.

2) no one can argue will illness either way. whether you have to tell your supervisor you're leaving for a while or you have to tell the whole world you're leaving the phd forever. leaving something that is making you sick will only make you look sensible - not like a failure. am not saying its easy.

a sick note bought me an extra year i needed after suffering from depression following 3 years of bad supervision after which i needed to restart my thesis as a new phd, allowing me two years including the write-up year to write. in my case i wanted the phd. did i feel like quitting? 90% of the time, but there's that part of me that still believed i could do it so i hang in there. i had also sacrificed too much. left my country and family, finances etc. so i know how you feel. i did hand in in the end. the thought of the experience still makes me cringe. but now, whatever happens at the viva at least if i don't get it, it is not because i quit and did not hand in my thesis. it will be because i did my best under the circumstances and it was not good enough. that to me is easier to live with. you cannot do better than your best. and doing your best is what you owe to yourself. no one has a right to expect more from you.

all the best.

all the best!(up)

Hi there. I agree with others on this post- take time off first before you decide anything. I had a major 'meltdown' after a year and half of my phd. The first thing I did was email my supervisor and tell him I was quitting. He replied saying that I could but I would always regret it. So I took a break of two years and sorted myself out mentally before coming back. Universities/ supervisors can be very understanding towards students doing phds.

Now I'm back at work. It is very hard and I am far from what the 'ideal' PhD student should be like. But what I find is that things are 'easier' (if that's the right word) to handle the second time round- you have gone through the worst, know what it feels like, so in a sense can prepare for it. And, like yourself, there are times when I feel as if I have wasted my twenties chasing an impossible target and can get quite down about it. Yet, even if it ends badly again at least I can tell myself that I came back and gave it my best shot.

Hope this helps.

And Jojo- our PhD experiences are so similar, it's scary!!