God sorry to add yet another ‘I hate my phd’ on here (not that I’m moaning because they have helped me feel less lonley over the past year!!) but I think that’s it, I’ve finally come to the end of my tether and I want out.

I’m a third done of my 4 year PhD and I just don’t want to be here, this time last year I had a mini-breakdown and was close to quitting but due to bigger problems occurring at the same time, being here allowed me to be on autopilot for a while (well 9 months really) without anyone noticing! But this is the problem, It’s not that I’m suffering from impostor syndrome, its more that I am an actual impostor!!

About a month ago I decided that I would quit...but I would wait till the end of summer while things were quiet...but now I’ve finally told myself to do it I have no idea how. I like my supervisor very much but cannot see myself waltzing in and saying that’s it, I quit!!

I have just come out of a meeting with my co-supervisor after he has read my first year report and he says I’m behind and need to pull my finger out, that I don’t have enough for a PhD in what I have planned, and then gave me a different way to think about it and explained some ways in which to approach my immediate future plans. Which all sounds good......except it has made me realise that while my supervisor is great, friendly, a laugh, they maybe haven’t really guided me at all. I feel that like out of that one meeting I got more enthusiasm and understanding that the last 18months with my actual supervisor!! And that it’s come too late, I have developed somewhat of an aversion now to the subject from this past year of festering hate and disinterest.
I have become so un-motivated and disorganised that I can’t see any way back, and now I’ve associated that with being here at my desk I don’t think I can go back to how I was.

I’ve been so down about it I made myself ill, I have changed dramatically from the person I used to be before starting this, I actually even hate the stairs I have to climb to the office...I always feel like I’m sneaking around because I’m going home earlier than everyone or coming in later than anyone, its absolutely exhausting....and that’s just dealing with the stress of doing this PhD and I don’t even think I’ve done a full days work in the past 3 months!! I see the people around me struggling and crying and being here from 7am to 7pm (and these are the ones that like it!!) and no part of me wants that.....I want happiness over impending depression, sky-rocketed stress levels and depleted social life ( all of which have already started to show :{ )

Now I know if I try to bring this up with one of my supervisors I will just cry...and I don’t want to be the blubbering idiot, and I’m sure it will just be an awkward situation all round, but I also don’t want to just disappear with a final goodbye email. How do you do it??

Sorry for the incredibly long rant but I have no idea what to do

I spent the first year of my PhD like you. What you have to remember is that all the other 7-7's are all just brain dead in front of their computers - or all that frantic typing you here is just rubbish - I always feel that in one hours work I can do more than my office mates do in a week.

Maybe you should ask for a supervision meeting where you have both your sups in on it every few months to keep you on track - and send any writing to both of them to get joint comments.

Maybe its time to have a proper week off - i.e. not even trying to work, just completely relax and then go into it properly when you get back.

Hi Tea_Fiend, It sounds too me as if you have a severe case of imposter syndrome, so severe that you don't even see that you've got it! You must be up to this or they wouldn't have accepted you onto the PhD. I think you've had poor, if well meaning, supervision for he last year. Your second sup sounds on the ball and straight up, so how about cultivating them, and getting more of this stimulating advice? My research has come on massively since I swapped to a supervior who could see my project properly and was direct in pointing out where I've been going wrong. It makes all the difference to the quality of work produced, and to motivation. A break-down and poor supervision in the first third of the PhD is a lot to deal with. Many people go through delays and difficulties of various kinds, so I definitely think you can turn this around.

P.s. You can still have a social life while you're doing a PhD, in fact, it's a must to keep your spirits up.

Are you sure you want to quit? Can you remember the reasons why you wanted to do the PhD and the interest you had for your topic back when you started? Or have you really had enough and want to do something else with your life?

Maybe you should go and see a counsellor at uni, it sounds like you're depressed and could do with some professional help. Hating the stairs on your way to the office is not good at all! Avoiding people, 'sneaking' around, all sound like signs of depression to me. If you feel like that, no wonder you can't work. So maybe have a talk with a counsellor, get the crying out here, work out the underlying problems.

You also do need to discuss this with your supervisors soon. While crying in front of them isn't great, this won't be the first time a PhD student has been upset around them! They sound like good supervisors, especially the second one, and so will want to help you. Do talk to them! It will be hard, but you'll feel better afterwards. Not having a plan and not knowing what to do just creates more anxiety and depression, so you need to take some action. Good luck, and take care of yourself!

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I was also about one third of the way into my PhD when I quit. Frankly, I didn't want to do it anymore, it made me feel a bit depressed, and in general my gut feeling told me that I could be doing something better with myself. I'd say you have to just go straight to your supervisor, maybe see a counsellor beforehand. Make sure it's what you want to do, you'll know deep down. If you stick at it, can you see yourself staying in academia when you finish? If not I don't honestly see much point. I'm now coming to the end of an MSc, have had two job offers, one offering international travel and lots of other perks. LOTS of people quit PhDs but make sure it's the right option for you. If you come onto a forum like this you'll get 90% people telling you this phase will pass, and 10% saying that you should consider exiting your PhD. I'm one of those 10% - I went through something similar and I am so thankful to those others who personally e-mailed me telling me of how they also went through the same and had the courage to exit. Because that's what it takes - extreme balls and courage. I'm not playing devil's advocate here. I know how important hearing the downers was to me, as well as hearing the 'stick to it' comments!

I'll be interested to hear how you get on. Most people don't go through with exiting, and I hope that's the right decision for them. However I suspect it's not the right decision to stay for some, from what I've witnessed. You simply have to build up the courage and go speak to those involved. Draw up a list of pros and cons, ask if this will benefit you in future, listen to your gut, look at the effects is is having on you, talk to friends and family, see a counsellor (talking it through can help clarify things), and go in with a part-decision in mind when you speak to your supervisor. Can you see yourself doing this for another 2/3 years? What if you see yourself completing it in future, would you be happy at having spent that time on the PhD?

Just wanted to pick up on this point - there are lots of reasons why people do PhDs, and not necessarily only to stay in academia. There are issues of the intellectual endeavour, the challenge and the love of learning. My main reason for doing a PhD is to prove to myself that I can undertake and complete this incredibly difficult project!

And while most jobs outside academia don't require PhDs, some employers do think they're getting a bonus if they can employ someone with a doctorate. So, have a think about why you wanted to do this - it doesn't neceearily have to relate to staying at uni.

I quite agree, I would like the thought of staying in academia, but it is not the be all and end all for me. My PhD is as much about me as about continuing in the academic world and I certainly don't feel that unless you want a career in academia a PhD isn't worth doing. There is so much more to it than that. For some yes, a PhD is not the right way to go and anyone who felt that I would respect 100%, however, we all have up times and down times, I could quite easily have quit a few weeks back and had prepared an email to send to my sup to inform him and ask if I could meet with him to discuss it and never got around to sending it thank goodness.
Of my friends who have PhDs only two of them are working in academia, the others have walked into high powered, high paid jobs that they could never have been considered for with their other qualifications. One completed his degree and the next week was offered a £100K job on the grounds that due to his research interests and his publications he was considered by the company an expert in his field and they wanted him! of course that won't happen for all of us, but the insinuation that a PhD is worthless outside of academia is, in my personal opinion, misleading.