I didn't get it, I didn't even get a fees-only one. They said the competition was tough, only one nominee per school in the Uni research dept. I think I am taking it badly because I am feeling out of my depth with my PhD, many doubts have been creeping in this week. I have so much work to do beforehand because it is a big project being squeezed into 3 years. I feel very low and don't even feel like telling the family. I guess I shouldn't have got my hopes up when I was willing to do this PhD without pre-arranged funding. The timing is just bad mood-wise.

Hey PinkNeuron, you must feel so insecure and low at the moment... which uni are you at? If it's a big research-oriented one, then they're probably being honest with you. Could your supervisor offer any reassurance?

oh, i'm so sorry to hear that! to the people who decided against you!

when that happened to me last week, i cried all day. i have a feeling that you are trying to go on as if nothing had happened... not feel to distressed about it or at least not let it show...?
anyway that wouldn't work for me... i need to let it out, be angry, upset, think about quitting for some days. because it just IS distressing, dissappointing, a let down, - then it usually gets better but sometimes the bright side has to wait a bit while you give yourself some time to be properly angry and upset. - i might not be making too much sense, please disregard if you find it meaningless.

Chin-up! You are a remarkable person. Since I started reading your posts I have always been impressed with all the things you managed to achieve while juggling a big family. You must be proud of yourself! O.K you didn't get funding this time, but there will be other opportunities. You need to keep focus and persevere. It's not unusual to get funding on the 2nd or 3rd year. It's normal to feel down now - I know it only too well! - but you will soon start to realise that this is only one, temporary stop. It would have been brilliant if you got it at first attempt, but the most likely scenario for everyone is to keep trying applying to several sources, until something comes up. Did you try the British Federation of University Women? They sponsor many projects. You can find details here: http://www.bfwg.org.uk/scholarships.cfm
Courage!!!

I'm really sorry Pinkneuron. I bet your great kids would really want to be there for you now and will be waiting to give you big hugs to a mum they must be incredibly proud of. Don't give up!! I didn't get funding from Uni at first and then got it through a different body. It felt rubbish and I went away for a year convinced I wasn't good enogh and about to carry on my job - but the feeling just wouldn't go away - I really wanted to do a PhD more than anything I've ever wanted before. Doubts are normal and I have a wobbly at least once a week but it is worth it. Sending you

Thanks everyone, your'e all so kind and supportive, I am glad I have got you
I think one of the reasons I haven't told anyone is because they do think I am super Mum and Wife and therefore I will get a scholarship first time round, so I don't want to disappoint them. I never get low marks etc. so they are just not used to something not quite working out. Anyway, when I feel like I won't howl and cry, I will tell them. I know I want this PhD very badly, I love academics so I just need to 'regroup' my mind a bit and write out some goals and look at other sources. I will look at the link...
My Prof. did warn me it was very competitive. They only give out 2 full and 4 fees only and it is a high research Uni (Brunel University, West London). Only one nominee per school and neuroscience comes under the big Social Science school. I will get through it, will do about 200 lengths in the pool tomorrow and feel better, I think

As you rightly said the run for funding is very competitive.
However, the fact that you didn't get it this time around doesn't mean that your project is not valuable. Sometimes the preference is given to a candidate only because his/her subject area is close to that of someone in the committee. Nothing to do with your skills as a researcher. The problem is that applying for a scholarship takes time and effort and can be draining. So, no wonder that a negative response has a strong impact on your mood! Try to consider this in the wider context of your research, and keep thinking about your final objective.

These things are important, I know. Motivation and confidence are not self-nurturing things, you also need to feel that other people appreciate what you are doing. And they do. The fact that you have been nominated by your department means that they considered you an outstanding candidate. They wouldn't have promoted your name otherwise. So, take your time to digest this and then try again.

Dear all, I've been keeping on wondering what qualities the scholarship winners have. Do I lack those qualities? Not really. I think it is just a matter of luck. I have to relegate it to luck, it is like drawing a lottery. Can anybody offer me some insights re what are the funding winners like?

Forgot to add that good things are always worth waiting for. Do you agree? Say Yeh.......

yeh!

sourapple, i sometimes wonder, too, what they have that i haven't. but... my friends who are funded are just like you and me. so, to an extent it does come down to luck, i'd say.
another point is, many will only embark on a PhD if the funding is already secured. that means you never get to see all those who's applications failed. so maybe the thing that differentiates the unfunded from the funded people is mainly that the unfunded people decided to go ahead without secured funding, whereas the funded people decided to go ahead with secured funding. whatever that means.

I wish I could win a lottery.....

I'm sorry about that PinkNeuron. I don't know what else to say other than to keep your head up even in this siatuation. You have accomplished more than some others could ever imagine. You will surely rise above this. All the best!

Hi
Thanks again. I am feeling slightly better. Have only told eldest son, not had the courage to even tell husband or the other children, maybe tomorrow. I am just focussing on the fact that I came up with my project idea, one professor at my first interview loved it and is willing to take me on without any secured funding. So, that is all positive. He has even applied for funding in his own name for my project to give to me. So, that may even come off still and I do love my subject. So, onwards and upwards, no more negative thoughts, tomorrow is a new day and the sun has surely got to shine as well

Hug for PinkNeuron from Piglet.