I just got an email back from my supervisor and right now, i just want to quit and run away. i feel like i don't deserve a phd. and i feel like i don't know anything about my subject, and that 3 months is not enough time to write a thesis and to learn everything there is , background reading and grasping a good understanding.

i deserve everything he wrote, and he's right. although i'm shocked that he thinks they did so much work for the paper. that's so not true. i did all the analysis, i did all the background reading, i wrote the whole paper, they changed it around and what not. but i presented the material. and all the time he speaks of, that i had off, i was working on the papers. i'm not going to keep defending myself. i should just quit, and save everyone the hassle.

:-(

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he wrote:

Dear Lara,
We need to talk to you in detail about this before you go ahead and make your plans. I had presumed you had been steadily working towards your thesis, but then you haven't been in contact with for so long that I must confess I thought you had given up on the idea of submitting

We need to know what you have done toward the thesis so far before any decision can be made about what work you should put in. When you were working with us, you were given a lot of paid tiime off to work on the thesis.

Where is the productivity from that?

And then ***** and I both ended up putting a lot of work into the papers to make them presentable. The decision about submission isn't just yours I'm afraid. You need your supervisors to approve of what you are doing because you are expecting ****** and I to put in a lot of effort and time to read what you do, correct it, and arrange the examination procedure.

We need to see a thesis plan and discuss it. We need to set time frames and targets and we need to mock viva you to evaluate whether you are capable of defending your work. All of this is very much in the balance given the amount and time ***** and I have already spent with you trying to set targets for your completion.

It is a shame that you have had so long to do this and it is only now, in the panic of your ultimatum, that you are prepared to do something about it. Please arrange a suitable time when the three of us can have a meeting about this

Regards

he's right. i'm a pathetic crap phd student. that hasn't done any work. i don't have anything to show them.

would it be the end of the world if i failed my phd. i dont even want to stay in science. sure my parents would hate me and be extremely dissapointed in me and everyone would think i am a failure in life. and they are right. i am a failure.

it's like all of a sudden he's like we need to set time frames. where was he early this year or last year even? all he ever wanted to know was how the paper was. he never once asked about my thesis and just told me to get on with it and produce a polished version of it and only when it was perfect was i to show him.

and everyone knows he is so busy and has loads of phd students that he doesnt have time for anyone.

i'm not blaiming him. but i'm just saying he should have as a supervisor been more concerned about my thesis than he was about papers.

and the whole we gave you a RA job, i worked my butt off for that job, and i worked weekends! and i wanted to quit, and they still said no no, dont quit you can work part time and still work on your thesis.

people will always defend themselves and say they are in the right. but there are always two sides to every story.

the two projects they produced for me, were rubbish. if it wasnt for me talking to a visiting professer and coming up with an idea for my phd i would have no data, and they would have no papers. but oh no. that gets so easily forgotten. and now they want me to write a chapter on the one subject i hate the most. because it sucked up 5 years of my life and i still have nothing to show for it. and i dont even understand it fully.

If you fail it's not the end of the world and your parents shouldn't hate you. All I can say is, best of luck and I hope it works out for you

Well I think you both have valid points. He should have been more concerned about your actual thesis before now and now just assumed you were getting on with it. A lot of supervisors are exactly like this however. On the other hand, it's important to take personal responsibility for your thesis and not depend on external motivation.

You have to decide whether you want to fight or not. Could you get a masters instead? It isn't the end of the world if you fail. People regularly spend their lives in jobs they hate and are not suited for -it's only a failure if you never do anything about it. If you don't want to use your PhD that certainly takes the pressure off trying to submit. If you do want to submit you need to present to your supervisors the arguments you have given here - only more clearly and objectively.

One way or another, this too shall pass. I was kicked out of my first PhD attempt after a year and it really did feel like the end of the world. But life really does go on and you really do learn from your mistakes. Chin up

Dear Lara, please don't give up. Arrange a meeting with both your advisors as soon as possible, agree the time plan for the thesis, arrange the mock viva, the day when you submit the full draft to your advisors and so on. It is not too late. Show your supervisors that you are willing to fight hard to make this happen! That's all they want to see at this point.

Lara - it is really up to you. If you want to pull this through, you are going to have to stand up to them, but also negotiate and compromise. It will be important to decide which points you need to contest. So, if your supervisor thinks you are a lazy good-for-nothing, does that matter - as long as he lets you submit? No. Not really. So, don't fight for "looking good". It's not worth it. Don't say: "Listen: If you are saying that I got paid for doing my PhD while RA-ing for you, you are wrong. It is not true. On the contrary, I put in more time for the job than I was paid for. And you wouldn't let me quit when I wanted to."

On the other hand, if your supervisor won't let you submit parts of your papers, then that's worth fighting for. You may need to tell him strictly, clearly: "Listen: For this paper, I did a, b, and c. This included getting the initial idea, and following up on it against your advice. You did - what? You 'polished' it for publication? You have to admit that the crucial science in the paper was done by me. So I can use it for my PhD. I will mention you with appropriate thanks if you want."
As a negotiating strategy it might be useful to start with both and then cede the first point - but hold on to the second. And always be clear in your mind what you need to achieve from the negotiation: The possibility to submit in time. It doesn't matter if he likes you or not.
And: If you decide to go through with this, just get on with it - don't waste time worrying and feeling sorry. Give it your best shot, submit a less than perfect thesis, and leave it all behind!

thanks everyone. I cannot say how much each and every message meant to me. I wish I could thank you all individually and point out the things you said that made me feel better.. i will though one day

but for now. i want so say a big thank you to you all.

i have taken everything you all have said on board. i just had a long chat with my mom, she saw me crying and said that it wont be the end of the world if i fail, and they wont hate me. and that she will try her best to help me in whatever way, and if there are fines to be paid for late submission or registration fees, than she will pay for it. and not to worry. and told me, to just try my best and write. and like shani said, i wont worry about looking good infront of my supervisor. if he thinks i've not been doing anything. than that's fine.

so i will write back to him and say,yes i need your help to get my thesis written by sept. and i will do whatever it takes. and i've made mistakes in the past. but now i want to move on. he will think i'm a loser and dont deserve a phd. but at least i should try. i know he thinks i dont even deserve to be examined. but i have to at least try. and then worry about revising for my thesis, once i've submitted, and maybe i should cut back on reading papers and revising. and concentrate more on writing. and worry about defending my thesis at a later stage. i keep having panic attacks that i wont be able to explain something or answer a question.

i'm just going to clear my head for awhile. and then make a plan and write them back. i just hope i don't end up crying at the meeting. cause i can't stop crying right now. something just sets me off. i wish i wasn't so sensitive.

thanks everyone. i don't know what i would do without this forum.
deeply deeply appreciative.