Hi everyone! I'm really struggling and finding it difficult to keep up with my fellow PhDers, who keep asking me out for coffees/drinks/lunch, etc. It seems like everyone around me is comfortable financially, and it's really starting to get me down. I feel so uncomfortable when I have to turn them down and can't bring myself to say 'Sorry, I can't even afford a coffee!' I thought that PhD students would be skint, and am surprised to find those around me throwing their money around. Is anyone else having a hard time with this? I got home last night and cried. I know that might sound ridiculous, but not having any money is having a huge effect on me, excluding me from going to things and integrating with others, so in the end, it's actually making me feel isolated and alone. If I had met another students who are struggling as much as I am, and we could just quite happily go sit in the park and drink our water, I wouldn't be bothered!

I didn't think there would be a stigma attached to being skint during the PhD, but when I've turned down offers to do stuff and told people that I was broke, they seem to regard you with disgust! In all of my student years, everyone I've known has struggled financially, and we would usually combat this by going to each others' houses and cooking cheap meals and just hanging out at home watching dvds. Now, all the other PhDers I meet want to go out all the time, and find just 'hanging out' boring. I'm kind of at the point where I'm thinking that to avoid feeling this pressure, I'll just study at home and cut myself off from everyone.

I'm struggling with the same thing bellaz. You're not being ridiculous, it's a tangible concern! I completely understand, quite difficult when people are inviting you to do things and you have to turn them down left right and centre. They just stop inviting you and you do end up feeling excluded. I'm actually quite open about it. If someone asks me, I just say 'Sorry, I'm completely skint!' After all, it's difficult enough for the person in that position, why should you also feel guilty about upsetting other people?! Because of my drastic financial situation, I've taken to studying at home most of the time, and only popping into uni when I need to collect more resources. I know that sounds sad, but I honestly can't afford to even buy myself a drink when I'm up there! I'm sure we're not the only ones who are in this predicament.

Hi bellaz

You're not alone - I know that feeling well. I have a job but I still struggle, everything I earn goes on tuition, food and rent. I'm just about managing at the moment - but I remember about a year ago not being able to afford much food, standing in my department hoping someone who was eating a packet of crisps would offer me one because my budget couldn't stretch to breakfast stuff and I'd been going without for weeks. I know one or two friends who have had similar experiences - people don't like to talk about it because they're embarrassed but it goes on more than you imagine. Try not to let it get you down. Somehow we all muddle through. as for going out with friends - I've turned that down for more times than I can remember and there are always people who don't understand because they've never been there. Igonore them if you can and don't be afraid to be honest. Most importantly, you are absolutely not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes.

Know what you mean; checked my bank balance the other day and needed a drink afterwards. It's not so much PhDers that are the problem but well-meaning academics who think nothing of pub lunches 5 days a week.

I too am surrounded by people who seem to be throwing it around, and find it quite bizarre. Every ex-PhD student I've spoken to said that they were always struggling financially, and were having beans on toast for tea most nights. If I have a few quid in my pocket, I absolutely refuse to spend £2.50 on a bloody cup of coffee! I can get that at home for free! There are many things that we can do without dosh, but as you've found, most people want to go out. I hope you find a friend who's in the same position as you, and that you can be contented in just sharing each other's company. I have yet to meet a fellow PhDer like this, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

We often have get-togethers where everyone cooks one dish; that's much cheaper than going out. If we do go out it's often to one of those "all-you-can-eat" Chinese or Indian buffets

I agree that it is hard to socialise when you are keeping an eye on your budget and other people do not have those constraints. I have found a few other international students who are even more skint than I and we manage to socialise by doing free things--meeting up at each other's place for a meal or tea or coffee, or sometimes just meeting for a walk around a pleasant park or green spot of land, or eye balling historic sites of interests like churches or the like. If people do go out and you want to join them, can you just get a glass of ice water or something, without making a scene, and then saying, oh well, I am taking aspirin or something that will not let you have alcohol or caffeine?

Nice to know I'm not alone with this. It's really been bugging me. I find it so much easier to not put myself in situations where I'll be faced with this uncomfortable feeling, so like you spacey, I study at home most times. Olivia, I tried the ordering water thing, and it was even more embarrassing! The barman told me that in order to stay there, I had to buy a drink!

I read in the paper the other day that money 'is going out of fashion'!Ah, there's hope for us yet. I love it when I go a few days without spending any money at all- not of course in any tight or mean way- it's just that I resent the fact that it is assumed that any mundane daily activity will require spending. It really helps with budgeting to do this for a couple or a few days of the week. I do feel quite isolated if I stay at home though, so instead I bring in food for lunch and snacks and there is a kettle in the dept common room (I have a store of coffee there). In the summer it's great because you can meet friends and have your packed lunch together outside. If I manage not to spend unnecessasrily during the week I really look forward to meeting non-academic friends for a lovely pint on a Friday after they all finish work

Sorry, I've just realized my blunder and that perhaps me looking forward to a pint on Friday is not really what you want to hear All I meant was that given the nature of what we are doing, socializing to some extent is not a luxury but a neccessity and it pays off to economize on other things to allow yourself one small treat now and then. But of course I don't know if you're in a position to allow yourself this. It's a tough one... if only people were more understanding

Hi, on the ordering ice water note, I thought I'd share what I do when I'm skint - order a pint of soda water and lime - it costs 20p where I am, takes ages to drink, doesn't anger the barman, looks like a 'proper' drink (it is a proper drink!) and actually tastes really nice you're not alone!

I guess I'm one of these students that seems to be throwing around their money (I don't buy £2.50 coffees though!). I'm lucky I'm fully funded plus a bit more. I also have very generous parents plus live with my husband so we do go on nice holidays, eat out (but don't spend even 1p on booze).

It would never occur to me that what beverley is saying happens (that post made me feel bad). Everyone in my group is funded in some way or another so I don't know anyone personally who experiences not having enough money for breakfast.

If I asked someone to socialise (lunch etc) and they said they couldn't afford it every single time, I might think that they just didn't want to socialise with me. I guess it's a very difficult situation.

I find that being budget minded does not have to mean going hungry ( though I can imagine there are students who do lack funds!). I eat a lot of whole grain pasta and whole grain rice, eggs, fresh fruit from the local outdoor market ( way cheaper than a supermarket), fresh bread, and whole grain breakfast cereal. I can get a box of breakfast cereal for 99 p and that lasts nearly a week, and is healthy besides. The hardest thing for me was to curb my latte habit, and get used to drinking instant coffee. But over time, I have gotten used to it, and once in a great while do have a latte, usually when I need to feel like "treating" myself, and can usually manage to scrape up the funds for the odd pub lunch.

If I was really skint but wanted to socialise, I might suggest to someone that I would love to get together, but that I was literally short on funds, and could we think of doing something that would cost less (or nothing)?

The thing is, when your budget is super tight you get to the point where you simply can't take money out of the bank, (even overdrafts have a limit), and I've found myself there time and time again. It's not a case of goin short - it's a case of having no money left at all a particular point in time - which I've found that some people find hard to grasp.

Happily, things have improved for me a lot in the past year - but I'll never forget the difficult times. What I try to do now is be sensitive to people telling me they're skint. If someone tells me they have no money - I'd rather err on the side of caution and take it literally because that's how it was for me.

I don't want sound too depressing though, things really do get better with time.