I find my PhD absolutely terrifying. I am stuck on a panel piece that has to be in tmrw morning (so no sleep for me), and my sup has just rang me aksing me to do a book review with him for a journal which covers a signficant new series of books in my field. I'm so happy but so scared. I feel so fraudulent. I barely understand what I read sometimes, I have only barely articulated ideas.

This PhD is so hard and I always feel like I am running to try and keep up - except running is a poor metaphor, because usually I mope into unproductive gloom about wanting to run away and escape!

This PhD is exhausting, but in an odd way I don't really do enough to find it so. :-(

Hi chris. It seems like the greatest hurdle most of us who undertake the PhD face is self belief. If you were to tell an outsider that you suffered from lack of self-esteem, and then told them in the same sentence that you were a PhD student, they wouldn't believe you. It's interesting, isn't it--that alot of us who do PhDs suffer from low self-esteem, yet we're undertaking one of the most, if not the most, arduous intellectual and personal challenges there is. I think much of what you're feeling is to do with fear, as is with most of us on here. We're afraid that we're just not up to the job, and that we'll be exposed and humiliated eventually. It sounds as though you're doing really well, and your sup must really respect you to ask such a thing. Wow!

The panel work is sent off. So now to stew for a bit...

Eek...

Thanks for the encouragement.

i agree about the low self esteem and the contradiction about people with low self esteem doing such a demanding thing. could it be that we are trying to compensate the feelings of weakness and the fear of failure by trying to do something that is considered so prestigious?

i tend to believe that i am. i have always been an underachiever at school, university etc so been accepted for a PhD represented something of a revenge to all those who havent understood my special emotional needs (low self esteem, fear of humiliation etc). but then is it worht it? will i actually take any revenge or maybe continue trying to make a point which doesnt need to be made?

Hey there. I find this thread fascinating in the light of conversations with my colleagues at uni. We have all admitted that we feel overwhelmed by the PhD and that we can't do or feel like frauds, yet we say we each other is so clever and capable! I had a terrible time last year being confident enough to feel I was worth a place on my course but this year I have settled down and am enjoying it so much more - because i finally relented and let myself believe i was worth being here. Leave your work for a while, go and see a friend and please put it all into perspective. You can do it - you *are* doing it - my word it is hard but remember to look after yourself too. When I feel really stressed I always run away from it (the PhD) and feel guilty - maybe that's when you need someone there to encourage a bit of running away and to tell you you have worked hard so far now is time to chill, just for a bit, and get some mental strength back?! or come on here! good luck!

Chris - I'd agree with Janey (sorry if I go the name wrong). Meet a few friends or meet the family - get a bit of reality back! It is more so surviving the process rather than answering a research question if you ask me (have to admit I am in a terrible state at the mo as can't sleep at all and always got PhD on the brain - between being behind in schedule and working on other stuff). Have toyed with the notion of quitting but keep saying "It'll get better - it has to!" but don't know how long more I can do that. Main point is that even though we don't have the belief, we can all do this ... somehow