This might sound crazy, but my defense is a few months away and all I can feel is fear. I somehow had this picture in my head that when you are almost done, you would have this feeling of wisdom, calm and confidence. At least to some level... All I can feel is fear. Fear of having made mistakes. Fear of being wrong. I actually wake up in the middle of the night sweating, with a pounding heart, thinking that my reasearch is just shit on every level and that it might all be wrong. Does anyone feel the same way? Any advice?
Thanks,
june

i defended successfully 2 months ago, and actually the day was a lot easier than the build-up.

i found a lot of info out there on the web about the actual viva process and what the examiners will want to ask. its certainly worth searching the web and reading everything so you know what to expect.

try to think of what positive things you have done in your research. just think how little you knew before you started and what you know now. youre not going to be the same level as a professor after your phd, but you should know your little area of research very well.

make sure you know your thesis fully in every detail. they could ask you anything. however in my viva they didnt ask many questions to trick me or delve into areas of weakness. you need to go through every page of you thesis and write down a couple of questions on each page and have an answer ready. preparation is everything and will help you relax.

if you work hard leading up to your viva, (a) you wont have time to worry and (b) you will be doing your best. if you really cant sleep or are having panic attacks, etc., i would see your doctor for some valium, melatonin, sleeping pills, etc. two weeks before the day, try to get your sleeping synchronized with waking up at the right time of the viva.

the night before, dont read anything. go for a walk, chat with friends who are also having their viva. support from others going through the same process i found was immensely helpful. weeks before, practice practice practice answering questions with your friends, and practice you presentation at least 5 times.

the actual day will be fine. but the build-up to it is very stressful. i was the same as you and tried all the things above. afterwards i slept for 48 hours !!

PS. the above 2 posts should be reversed

Thanks for your reply! How sweet of you to take the time to help out! I feel much better, and will keep working hard. The negative thoughts are just so time consuming and paralyzing. Hopefully I can ward them off from now on. Congratulations on your degree!

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure

Thanks for your reply. Thats a good point MichaelA. I ofcourse really really really want to do well... But it is hard to get rid of the insecurity sometimes. I have struggeled through my PhD large parts without a supervisor, and that makes me wonder if i did everything right. Today is a better day than yesterday though. More positive thoughts and lots of motivation.

june - i feel exactly the same way! i expected calmness, but feel the fear! hope you are feeling better

Hi guys, I'm in exactly the same position. I finished the initial write up of my thesis a year ago and started a job as a full time lectuer last September. I've been working hard to get corrections and omissions sorted out and I'm just about done with the thesis now. I had a mock viva a few weeks ago and I really took a pasting, I'd lost touch with my work to some extent and its taken me 4 weeks of leave working on the thesis to get back into it.

After the mock viva I was a wreck, I shook uncontrollably for about an hour and even the next day just talking to my supervisor on the phone made my hands shake. My second supervisor had been under orders to have a real go at my work and I was interllectually savaged.

contines ..

At the moment, I've just bought a house completed the first year of a my first lecturing job (with all the preperation that entails) and I'm finishing up the thesis and preping for the viva.

I really sympathis with what your going though, I think I've already mentioned it in another thread but "Rescue Remedies" are a really good herbal relaxent they seem to work for me.

If you find any sites with information on the via perhaps you can could post them?

Tiggs

Feel exactly the same way. I'm in the last three weeks of labs (one of those weeks I'm of to the states for a conference). So I'm going mad at the moment trying to fill all the 'holes' in my data. Although I know you can never really finish, research goes marching on, I want to have as complete a picture for my thesis as humanly possible. Every time I think about writing my thesis, my stomach turns in knots and, akin to a previous thread, I really do want to cry...

is it me, or can I never know it all (biochem)? Every time I go over my thesis I find new bits I should add to support it better. I realise I never considered all these factors at the time.

My area of study is artificial intelegence. At the momement I find myself worrying about the defence of decisions I made early on in the PhD when I was reletivly nieve.

Tiggs

Having a final read through of the thesis before submission, I've just realised I don't have a title for it yet. At present the title just says 'Thesis'

Tiggs

Hi

I don't think that I will be much of a help since I am feeling
exactly the same. I am submitting in September and I can't help
thinking that what i've done is stupid. My supervisor says that everything is OK but do I believe him? NO! That constant feeling that what I did is wrong doesn't let me finish the write up. Hopefully we will manage to overcome our fears.....
Good luck

K