Hi guys, I've just started my final year of the PhD and, while that is exciting, the isolation has been tough and the idea of another year of it is a bit worrying.
Just wondering if anyone else has found that with so much time alone, working and also procrastinating, they've become a bit... paranoid? I've always been a bit nervous socially and concerned about people liking me, but lately, its become extreme - lying awake at night thinking everyone hates me type extreme. I'm wondering if this might be a common outcome of isolating work, or whether I'm just predisposed to being socially insecure? or both!
Any thoughts/shared experiences would be wonderful.
Morning Rycekakes,
I think this kind of thing might be fairly common. I am just coming to the end of my first year, and while the work is exciting (still), the isolation is very difficult.
Stories of the lonely researcher abound. So when I decided to do this PhD I moved in with a small group of my closest friends. I thought that this might sidestep some of the isolation I had heard about. It made it worse (I think). While my friends are very supportive, they do not understand the intensity of the work. I spend almost all of my time in the office at uni, or at my desk at home. I can not help but think that I am neglecting them and they have slowly stopped asking me to go down the pub, watch a movie or take a football down the park. Sometimes it feels that I am surrounded by my friends but completely alone.
In addition, I have had some problems convincing my supervisors of my approach (although, to be fair, they are probably just challenging me). I have become inarticulate, convinced I am stupid, I have been unable to sleep and have become convinced that everyone hates me. It is difficult to talk to my friends about this because it simply makes no sense to them.
In the other hand, I take a quick look around forums like this and see that everyone, at some point, has gone through this. I see this as part of the process. We are engaged in an intensely stimulating and intellectually challenging practice. We are exploring lines of thought that quite often challenge the way we think about ourselves. It is uncomfortable and terrifying. It is also rewarding.
The question is - is it worth it. We have chosen to undertake profoundly challenging projects, both intellectually and emotionally. We each have our reasons for making this choice. But it was a choice when we started, and it still is now. If it gets to much, stop. Move on. Perhaps come back and continue in the future. But do not let it damage you.
Many times I have thought of stopping, but have not yet. The thought of not doing my research is slightly more uncomfortable than the isolation. In the end, the idea that I could stop, stops me from stopping. I will stop there.
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