Hi, sorry for the depressive post but I feel I need to vent a little, and it is difficult to get any advice from friends/family who haven't been through similar experiences.

My MSc dissertation is due in on Wednesday, I have nearly finished it, basically just adding little bits and tweaking the structure to do now. I am not fed up with the subject area and I have enjoyed writing it, but I just feel utterly exhausted with the whole thing now, and I have never felt like that with anything I have worked on before. It isn't helped by the fact I am living and working at home and it resembles a bit of a warzone at the moment, with my family constantly shouting and slamming doors etc, I have asked for quiet so many times but they never listen, despite them generally being supportive. I am feeling so unwell as well, I just know that when this is submitted I'm going to have the flu for a fortnight, I just feel that my body has been putting it off. My lovelife isn't going particularly well either and I just feel lonely and depressed most of the time.

I am moderately pleased with what I have written and my supervisor is being supportive, I just feel like I am never going to be able to finish it. I just want to get this done and start my PhD in January with a fresh start, although I know that attitude isn't good, I should be more enthusiastic about what I am doing now. I just feel lazy and incompetent when deep down I know that isn't the case, I have been working near enough full time and doing my dissertation as well and maybe things have just taken their toll. I'm alternating between feeling exhausted, irritable, tearful and ok...I just want to feel myself again.

Sorry for rambling and being incoherent, I just needed to get that off my chest, any advice would be appreciated but I know that is difficult to give on something like this. Natassia x

Hi Natassia,

Big hugs from me! It sounds like you are ready for a break once your dissertation is handed in. It is extremely normal to feel the way you are feeling at this stage, well I know I did! I know what you mean about the exhaustion- a couple of weeks before I handed my MA dissertation in, I couldn't even begin to imagine starting my PhD, in fact it was the last thing I wanted to do (even though I loved my subject area for my MA diss and still love the area now). I just wanted to get my diss done and then go far, far away from anything academia related. I even considered starting my PhD in 2011 (see my previous post somewhere) rather than this year. This was a similar feeling to my course mates- instead of celebrating the fact that we had handed our dissertation in, we all went home, drained and exhausted, too tired to party!

But once you have got that dissertation in, and had a lovely Christmas break, you will feel so much better and ready to face things again!

With regards to your family/quietness situation, do you think you will have an office during your PhD that you could use? I share one with 2 other PhD students and go in for a couple of days a week. Alternatively, do all of your family (i.e everyone in your house) work outside the home? If so, could you try and schedule working around when they are not there? I understand that this may be difficult seeing as you work lots of hours (I think I remember you saying that you work in the evening a lot) but I try and work around when my fiance isn't at home. This is particularly important for me because my computer is in the lounge (we have a teeny tiny house!) and so when my fiance comes home I usually stop working, because I can't concentrate with any noise, and I don't like asking him to sit in silence after a hard days work!

Please try not to fel lonely. I can completely relate to that though- I work at home a lot (in a town where all m,y old uni friends have moved out of and therefore where I have no one to talk to), and I share an office with two people who are incredibly close, which just makes me feel even worse. So you aren't alone!

Also, your attitude of wanting to just get your dissertation done and handed in is completely how I felt-when you've been working on something for so long, enough is enough!

You are definitely not lazy and incompetent- your commitment to your work is clear from every post you make on here!

I'm sorry if that really doesn't help- I don't have much advice, but I just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone. Your (tree) will start on Wednesday!(robin)(snowman)(gift)(turkey)

Thank you so much Button, of course it helps! I want to get an early night tonight but I'm still going to work for a while - I just know that when it is handed in I'll have loads of regrets about not spending enough time on it etc, but hopefully they'll gradually disappear. All this stress will be worth it when I graduate eventually, that is if I pass!

Your advice was wonderful, it's hard because when I'm stressed I just think that everyone else (on here and in real life) is so much more in control of their work and works so much harder than I do, I guess that the fact I'm feeling like that shows that I do care about my work and apply myself to it. It is really reassuring to know that others feel the way I am now, and that this feeling is normal and will be temporary. Maybe I need to toughen up a bit.

In terms of my work space, I live 60 miles away (approx an hour's drive) from my uni so do most of my work from home which is generally ok apart from at the weekends and sometimes in the evening. I work (p/t job) every weekday from approx 4-8 and every Saturday so my MSc fits in around that; I work during the day and in the evenings, and generally on a Sunday as well. I don't have much of a work/life balance as I don't really get weekends - my study is a bit of a lifestyle rather than a vocation as it is always there and I have to fit it in around everything else. My resolution is to achieve a bit more of a balance, like having Sundays off to myself rather than just seeing them as a day when I can get loads of studying/writing done as I don't have to go to work! Luckily I can do some of my work at work because I have a computer and most of the time it's quiet. I will have access to a shared office space for PhD students and will probably go in once or twice a week, as I do now.

Thank you again, really appreciate your kind words, Nx

Have PMed you hun :-)

Natassia, I can really understand how you feel! I am working FT, I am in my 3rd year of a PT PhD (currently writing up), my first language is not English (extra difficulty both in reading and in writing) and I don't live in UK (although my uni is there)! Adding to all these, my supervisors want me to move to UK for 3 months (at least) in order to get familiarised with the academic community, AND (most important for me) I learned last week that I have to take a surgery as soon as possible because of some bad blood results....
I felt lost for a couple of days. I couldn't do anything but look at the wall...
Then, after some good advice from people here (thank you guys!!!!!) and after some serious thinking on my behalf, I decided to set priorities and deal with everything. So, priority 1: health! priority 2: Christmas holidays (at least 4 days off for Christmas and 3 days off for New Year). priority 3: Visit to UK (say no, because of health issues as I have to have tests almost monthly after surgery, and because of expenses for the surgery and current economic situation in my country and current personal economic situation) and then come everything else!!!!!!!
So, I think what you are feeling is normal! You have spent so much time on your dissertation and on your job (even if it is an "easy" one) that you need rest! Take a few days off for Christmas, enjoy yourself and everything will be better! You will have saved energy for when you start your PhD!!!!
Take care!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey chick! Sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it. I think when it gets to Christmas time a lot of people are feeling tired and not especially motivated- particularly if things are bad at home too. Just try to remember you are on the last little bit now, and when you have handed it in you can take a few weeks off to really enjoy Christmas and New Year, and hopefully start your PhD feeling refreshed in January. It's normal to feel like this some of the time, during your PhD as well, but it will lift! Good luck finishing your thesis off, KB

hi natassia
I hope you feel better soon; hang in there
love satchi

Hello, I agree with the others - hang in there! It's nearly done and then you can take a long break! It sounds like you're overworked at the minute which is generally the way the closer a deadline gets. You'll get there and remember to get enough sleep which does wonders for refreshing you.

Good luck, take care and enjoy the holidays (up) (snowman) (robin) (gift) (tree) (turkey)

P.S. Chocolate does wonders too! ;-)

Hi Natassia,

Well you must have handed in your thesis today, right? CONGRATS!!! Hope you're feeling better now that the whole ordeal is over! Try not to think too much about it (easier said than done) and try to relax and enjoy your (short, but much needed) leisure time! You deserve it! :-)

Hi everyone, thank you all for the replies and sorry it's taken me so long to respond - I've had a break from computer screens and haven't been well.

I handed it in just over a week ago and although it was a relief, I wasn't entirely happy with it but then I always feel like that when I hand something in, particularly when it means so much to me. I don't think it will earn me a merit but as long as I pass it I'll be happy because then I'll be able to do my PhD. I've been given work from my supervisors for an initial meeting in early January so I've had a little break and I'm starting that now; I just feel like I'm in a kind of limbo because I don't have my MSc yet, and my PhD will be starting a few weeks before the exam board is held. Anyway, worrying like that won't get my anywhere so I'm just going to get on with starting my reading!

Hope you're all getting on well,

Natassia xx

Hi Natassia, how great to hear you've handed in your MSc thesis!! I know the feeling of not being happy with it even at the end, but I don't doubt for a second that it'll be anything other than great. Just try to relax a bit over Christmas, and try not to think too much about your final result (easier said than done I know...). Remember the PhD is a marathon, and you need to be right for it from the start, so it's so important to take care of yourself, mentally just as much (if not more) than physically. Take plenty of time to sit and watch silly Christmas movies, spend time with your friends and family and enjoy having a bit of free time. And take the first year of your PhD steadily, keep weekends free as much as possible. Work WILL steadily increase until final year, so don't work yourself into the ground in first year!!

And good luck! (up)

Thanks AQ - fabulous advice as always :-)

Make sure you relax over Christmas as well!

Nx