hi terik. i understand how bad you want a phd, but everything happens for a reason. don't despair. eventually you will get a phd if you really want it. meanwhile live your life. there is much more to life than a Phd....family, friends, marriage, children, travelling, making money etc...seriously, try to be positive. success in life is not about how many times in life you fall, but how many times you rise. am on my second year trying, no success yet.....and am not killing myself ey.