I have experienced a total nervous breakdown. I am doing a science phd and created a bad situation for myself in my work environment. I developed romantic feelings for this girl in my lab and she did not feel the same way. Needless to say it has created tension between us. (Never fall for co-workers.) I can not seem to get any of my experiments to work. I understand the literature and have a good theoretical knowledge but my lab skills are not that good. I am currently in my 3rd year of study and have completely fallen apart. I am completely afraid of failure and afraid of working with other people.

I am currently on leave to address these issues. I am getting professional help. Does anyone have any advice for me to get over my fear of working with others and my fear of failure? Also, how do I get over this girl?

Thank you.

Hello,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment. I suffered with anxiety a few years ago and my GP recommended Mood Gym: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's a free CBT course but I would discuss it with your counsellor/mental health professional before you start.

As for the lab skills, does your uni run workshops that you can attend? Is there someone in the department that you can talk to about having some extra help? More importantly, does your DoS know about how you're feeling? Can they offer any help at all? Are there any other PhD students that you can talk to and get help from? I know everything I'm saying requires you to converse with other students, but sometimes you just have to ask for help. People are a lot more understanding than you might think, and I bet you're not the only one who feels they can't make their experiments work (see numerous posts on this forum!)

As for the girl, I know it's a cliche and I used to hate it when people said it to me, but it takes time I'm afraid. You will get over her and at least she's spared you having a one sided relationship by being honest with you. Another cliche I'm afraid, but there are plenty of other girls out there and you will find someone who will reciprocate! As for the resultant tension between the two of you, is there no way you can just be friends with her? Believe you me, I've been on both sides of the fence but when you need to work with someone you sometimes need to suck it up and be friendly, even if its hurtful. If she has created the tension, just meet her with a friendly face and get on with your work - it's very hard to be grumpy with someone who only ever meets you with positivity. Keep yourself busy, get out there and do a new activity, buy a new game for a games console, a series of books, whatever will take your mind off her for a few hours. It will get better, I promise (up)

Anyway, that's enough from me! Hope that was somewhat helpful!