Hi, Please can someone help me, i feel like i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown

I have just started my second year of my PHD and i hate it. Hate isnt even the word, i cant stop crying and i constantly feel anxious. the more i think about it properly, i am sure i want to leave. I need some advice however please, i got my PHD on a studentship, the fee's are paid and i also receive an annual stipend. If i change my studies to applying for an MPhil, will i have to pay them back? or how does it work with regards to funding. I will have to complete this year i know - in order to get an MPhil and i will stay till July but after that i really dont want to continue. Please please please help me

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Secondly, I would advise speaking to someone (postgrad tutor, counsellor) about how you feel about your PhD right now to see whether this is something that can be changed.

Thirdly, onto your question. I left a UK research council funded PhD once without obtaining an MPhil. The only money I was required to repay was for part of the quarter for which I had been paid in advance but left before the end of. Thus I wasn't required to pay back any fees, or any of the stipend for the period during which I was actually working on my PhD.

I'd suggest checking the website of the relevant funding body but I tried that at the time and it was impossible to find out the information. Still worth a shot.

Before you do anything hasty, can I ask why you want to leave? What is causing you to hate it?

I hated my second post-doc so much that all I wanted to do was leave and I can understand that even small changes in circumstance can be the difference between good and bad in academia.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

Im sorry to hear that. Anyway you should think a lot about what you want to do leave or stay, if you leave you have to find a job and to find one is very hard these days as you know.

hi, Thank you all for your reply.

I am now just getting into my second year of my PhD and i guess i feel extremely frustrated and just tired. It has taken me 1 year to complete a western blot, (which honestly should have taken 1 month) but every time all i faced were problems. My supervisor is really nice but she hasn't a clue about the technique and I feel like i have been dropped in the deepest end of water! I began my PhD straight after my undergraduate degree and i feel no where near intelligent enough or capable enough to continue. I know it sounds silly, but i handed in my draft introduction for my transfer from MPHil to PhD and my supervisor literally wripped it to shreds. I explained that i had never done a report like this before and she was really nice about it - but it felt to me like she was thinking 'why did i pick her, i could have picked somone that would have done way more work by now'

I really cannot see myself at all being able to write or even complete any work to the level of phD standard. I feel anxious whenver i think i have to come to university, i went home and sat in my room for 2 hours crying alone after my draft was handed back to me. I didnt have anyother PhD students to turn to as they all treat me like a child because i am young and havent had much experience.

Im really sorry about this rant, and any advice would be appreciated. I know many students say that is exactly how they felt,but i have a PhD student that works in the same lab who is constantly doing new experiments, his results work, he is reading papers all the time, he even told me he doesnt like to socialise as he likes to focus on his PhD and therefore does not need friends :/ (he only started his PhD at the start of Oct)

:(

Thank you again

Hi Imantawhid,

I know exactly how you feel, I didn't do a Master's either and I've really struggled with the upgrade from undergrad to postgrad. Is there anyone you can talk to at university about it? Fellow students you can talk to? Honestly, you are not alone and I think if you talk to others about how you feel you'll find your experience is quite common. That PhD student you mention sounds like he's not being honest with you, if he only started a few weeks ago then he's in a different place to you. The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me was not to compare yourself to others! He'll feel the way you do now one day believe me!

Is there a counselling service at your university you can talk to? Someone you can offload your problems to?

At the end of the day, if you really decide it's not for you then there is no shame in quitting. It doesn't mean you can't ever come back and do it again in the future when you feel more prepared. It's up to you at the end of the day, but I would strongly recommend you find employment before quitting as it's tough out there at the moment.

Good luck and remember you can always come back and talk to us (up)

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Again i thank you for your messages, it feels so nice to know people care and understand. What i meant with my supervisor choosing me is i originally applied for a 'set' PhD - Ie the supervisors already have a title and a vision of a PhD and i am majorly just carrying out the research. Ive finally finished one method, and my supervisor said my results are interesting, but for the past few weeks whenever she talks to me i zone out and all my head is thinking is - i dont care im tired of this im not interested :( i used to be really interested now i really could not care less :/

With regards to help - i called my local graduate office, they we're not helpful at all and just said go and see the student union. They weren't helpful either and said we cant really advise you on stipend and leaving you have to speak to the graduate office :/

I know its really hard out there and i think that is stressing me so much also, If i leave i have no idea what i would do with my life, career or anything - but if i stay i have 0 motivation and i cry everyday

:-(