======= Date Modified 06 Jun 2012 20:34:39 =======
I'm almost at the end of my second year and have recently passed my upgrade from MPhil to PhD (subject to minor revisions). I've been "successful" so far and have published two journal articles so far in my academic career. I generally feel quite competent in academia but recently (the last two weeks, since around the upgrade meeting) I've started to lose my motivation.

I think part of it stems from not liking one of the upgrade examiners (I felt that she tried to humiliate me during the meeting over some minor preliminary statistics I had omitted from my report) which has left me feeling a little resentful about making the changes she has requested. However, this was only a small part of the meeting, it was 90% positive and I received some very positive feedback from the other examiner. So I should not be feeling that negative.

I think the other part of my lack of motivation stems from not feeling in control of my work schedule/routine. I don't tend to work in my office at uni (it's busy and people tend to chat too much) and I prefer to work at home on my own schedule and just attend uni for meetings or when I am teaching or collecting data. However, I feel pressure (mostly subtle, indirect pressure by the comments of my supervisor and some other fellow PhD students) to work a 9-5 day in the office 5 days a week. I did try this at the beginning but it didn't suit me and I found I was far more productive when I let myself make my own work routine. So that's what I did. I got a Distinction in my Masters and have been successful and productive so far in my PhD, by working mostly at home. However, feeling that I am breaking some kind of social norm by working at home has taken it's toll over the last 3 years (I did my Masters at the same uni as part of the 1+3 funded route). Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty for not going in to the office, even when I'm working hard at home! My supervisor doesn't help, despite me having a frank discussion with her in my MSc year about how I needed to work at home in my own time, particularly when writing, 3 years on she still sends me emails asking when I'm "back in the office" if I've been on holiday or when I've said I'm going home after a meeting she's suggested perhaps I should do some filing in my office instead (??!!).

Anyway, I'm turning 30 this year and I'm in a serious (currently long distance) relationship. However, my partner and I feel it is time to move in together and this probably means that during my last year of the PhD (starting this September) I will need to live away from the city where my uni is. I personally don't think this will affect my work at all (I would be 2 hours from uni) but I'm really scared to mention this to my supervisor and I'm starting to wonder whether this PhD is worth it if I can't have a work/life balance!

Any advice?

A lot of people in my office tend to work from home. I see them about once a fortnight as they come in for meetings or admin stuff. If you are somebody who just can't work in a shared office environment, let your super know that is why you don't work from the office. Mention that you tried working from the office and ended up getting nothing done. So you had to work at home that night anyway. If you are not a 9-5er, it doesn't matter for the PhD. I think a few forumites do live 2+ hours away from their uni and seem to get on just fine.
Let you super know and spell out how that won't be a problem for you because you can still access the journals you need via the school's website and other details like that. Or you can put it bluntly: either you work from where you see fit and finish or you work from the office and don't finish. Oh, and they can pay you train tickets after you move in with your partner if they seriously insist on the office thing.

Hi WanderingSage! Thanks for your reply! It's good to know that there are others in the same boat. I guess the thing that I'm most worried about is how to break the news (of me moving away) to my supervisor. I'm not sure how to word it or how assertive to be, but I have a feeling that if I pose it is a question she will try and talk me out of it. I think I'll probably just talk to her about it nearer the time so that my plans are already under way and that way she can't change my mind! At the end of the day I think it should be a life decision that I make for myself and everyone else will have to deal with it! I can say that now but in real life sometimes I have trouble sticking up for myself when I feel there is some kind of confrontation :(

Thanks for your reply WanderingSage! It's reassuring to know that there are others in my position. I don't want to put my life with my partner on hold (e.g., not move in together) when I think that it is possible to have both (PhD and life!). But I'm still concerned about how to break the news that I will be living further away to my supervisor. I'm worried about posing it as a question (i.e., 'what would you think if I moved to X and we met once a fortnight') as I think she might try and talk me out of it. My mum (a counsellor and assertiveness trainer), said that I need to be firm and make it clear that I've already made my plans and to pose it as a "This is what's happening, shall we meet to discuss the practicalities of meetings etc." I think she is right, but I do struggle to stand up for myself with my supervisor as she tends to be quite pushy and bossy and I feel that she doesn't often let me say "no" to something she wants me to do (even if not directly related to my PhD work). I guess I just need to be strong and do what's right for me.

I ended up posting two replies as I got an error message after I tried to post the first one and I hadn't saved what I'd written in the original reply! I thought it hadn't posted, but clearly it has, so you have two slightly different replies! :)

Hi,

I'm surprised to hear your account of the office environment. I would have thought academics recognised that people work best in different situations (especially since many academics are private, introverted types!). In fact, supervisors should be happy if you can work independently at home rather than needing constant contact and chats. Even meeting every 2 weeks seems like A LOT to me. Are you a social sciences/science student?
Anyway, you should definitely stand your ground and not let this stop you from moving. I wouldn't frame it as a question. I would just tell her politely and suggest email contact + meetings every X number of weeks.

Hi,

I'm surprised to hear your account of the office environment. I would have thought academics recognised that people work best in different situations (especially since many academics are private, introverted types!). In fact, supervisors should be happy if you can work independently at home rather than needing constant contact and chats. Even meeting every 2 weeks seems like A LOT to me. Are you a social sciences/science student?
Anyway, you should definitely stand your ground and not let this stop you from moving. I wouldn't frame it as a question. I would just tell her politely and suggest email contact + meetings every X number of weeks.

======= Date Modified 07 Jun 2012 23:51:49 =======
Hi Lughna,

That's exactly what I expected of academia - to be left alone to get on with my research/writing apart from when needing advice/guidance from my supervisor every now and then. But there seems to be a strange culture in my department. To be fair, I've moved offices recently and the people in there seem much more relaxed and many seem to work at home frequently. But when I first started I felt almost bullied by one student (also supervised by my supervisor) who just couldn't seem to accept that I worked at home. I ended up almost falling out with her over it and quite frankly, it was none of her business where I work. My supervisor has come to terms with my working habits to an extent but as I said in my original post, I do still feel the pressure sometimes because of the comments she makes. I hate feeling guilty about not being in the office enough, when I work so hard on my PhD! My partner and friends and family all know how much I work, as sometimes they complain about how my work gets in the way of my time with them! Thanks for the supportive message, I really am going to try and walk my own path and stand up for myself on this one! I will be glad when this experience is over though.

======= Date Modified 07 Jun 2012 23:54:42 =======
======= Date Modified 07 Jun 2012 23:52:15 =======
Oh and by the way, I'm a Psychology student (but not lab based. My work is in clinical psychology).

You know she might understand the partner-living away from uni thing better than she does your current wish to work away even though you live close by.

I know this should not make a difference, and I think your mother has given really good advice btw, BUT given that you feel a bit trepidacious about mentioning this, it might be that she suggests you spend some time in the office mainly for the networking potential. She just may have a set of beliefs around this, so she keeps pushing away quietly because she thinks it is in your best interest.

However, that set of beliefs might change drastically when you NEED to be away in order to maintain and develop your primary relationship with your partner (future spouse perhaps). She might then think, 'hmm, pity about her having to be away, but having a relationship is really important and she seems to have coped well working away from the office so far-well I guess its okay'. Not that this should make a difference-it is your life and your PhD but sometimes people don't always respond in the way we think, and having this possibility might give you a little more courage. Other than that, I would follow the steps your mother and other posters have outlined. Be really nice but state it as a 'fate accompli' and seek her advice in how to manage supervision from a distance. Good luck Miss Psyched.

It's overused as a phrase these days (despite being slightly awful) but I'll say it anyway - Hater's gonna hate. [cringes at that phrase]

Joking aside, what does it matter what other people think about your working habits? You have explained to your supervisor that you prefer to work at home. You are getting your work done to a high standard. What's the problem? The problem is your supervisor's/anyone else that criticises your work habits and not yours.

Make sure that you have been very clear about the fact you far prefer to work from home. Make very clear that you are available for meetings etc if people want to arrange them. Then just keep doing what you are doing!

Personally I come into the office from 9-5 and never work at home. I find this works best for me. Perhaps your supervisor is the same? The difference is that I realise that it is not the same for everyone. I'd simply ignore her goading and passive aggressive messages and keep up what you're doing. You've only got a year left anyway :-)

Just read this bit and your mum is very right. It is not your supervisor's job to even comment on how you live your life. Do not ask her what she would think and stop caring what she might think!

Just move. It will probably make no difference to your current attendance anyway if you rarely go in as it is. If that's the case I doubt I'd even tell her unless it came up in conversation. If you do feel the need to tell her, do just that, tell her. "I have moved to x with my partner, it is y distance away from here. I shouldn't think it'll make any difference to my work as I often work from home anyway. If I need to be in the office then just let me know a day in advance and I will ensure I am there."

Your mum is right, you need to stand up for yourself (whilst still being very polite!). Keep your work levels up and be really friendly but simply say no to unreasonable demands.

Hi guys! I just wanted to update you all. I have made the decision to move in with my partner. I have now told my flatmate and landlord, just the supervisor to go! I did mention that I might be moving further away over drinks at an international conference, and she didn't seem to think it was a big deal at the time (the wine may have helped!). But I'm not sure if she understood quite how soon I would be moving, so I do need to send her an email once I know the exact date I will be moving out. I'll explain that I still plan to meet my commitments in terms of supervising undergraduate projects etc. and that I will just need a bit more notice when arranging meetings as I'll be travelling further. I think I'll feel better once it's all out in the open!! I've been stressing about this for so long, it's time for me to make some decisions for myself and be happy!!