I live in America and doing my PhD in the UK. Thought I would enjoy it thoroughly as I had lived in the UK before for a year and really loved it. Problem is I am now married and hate living in the UK. I waste alot of time on the internet trying to be "home". I have thought about quitting every single day for the past year, not because I don't think its worth it but because I miss home terribly and have been going through a rollercoaster emotionally and physically. Anyone in the same boat with some good tricks?

honestly, i wanna quit too. but just cannot. if it could never happen, then dont let it bother you any more

Maree, are you presently in the UK? Where is your husband located? I am an American transplanted to the UK to do my PhD, and can sympathise about the difficulties of moving to a new country and embarking on a challenging research degree. I too have to contend with being homesick from time to time and making the adjustments to not only a PhD but a new everything!

I find that trying to limit the contact with "home" has helped me get into a frame of mind of being "present" where I am, instead of longing to be back home. I still email some people nearly daily, but the emails are now shorter and their response no longer feels like a lifeline to the real world. I think just making yourself have some connnection to the here and now, in the physical world helps.

I have had moments of just wanting to burst into tears from missing people from "home" at certain moments, and really also missing my dogs, and I think that is to be expected--to miss what you care about! I don't have a magic bullet--I just try to remember why I came to the UK, and what I DO enjoy about it, which is a LOT! One thing that I have really liked is taking some guided walking tours with a local Blue Badge guide. It has given me an enhaced sense of where I am, and I love history, and two, it just removes you from the grind of the PhD--its fun! And at just a few pounds per walk, its affordable now and again on a student budget!

Hi Maree - you poor thing! I'm British but I've lived abroad in lots of different countries and I used to get pretty homesick from time time. However, I always found that this eased up eventually. It comes in phases and it just sounds as if you're in the middle of a rough patch right now. The thing that helped me the most is being able to spend a bit of time with people from my own country when I needed to. Do you know other Americans here? And if not, are there any ways you can think of to meet some? I really hope things pick up for you soon.

Yea, I know what you mean Olivia. I am in my second year so still in the UK. My husband and I were apart for my first year then he moved here for my second year and is planning to go back home to better manage our assets. I think it hasn't helped sort of disconnecting myself from friends here since my husband moved to the UK. I want to pack up and leave with him so badly but I am not one to quit, although I entertain the thought frequently. I've already put so much work into it to just leave now. Still it really sucks.

That's interesting. I have never been homesick. I've been in the UK for four years now, and go back to France only about 4 weeks a year (2 around Christmas, 2 in the summer). How often do you guys go back?

To be honest Nadia, I think it' s combination of missing things from home and not having a good time in the country you're in. You're unlikely to homesick if you're happy here. Also, forgive me, but France is so close and cheap to travel to! I've lived in France and I was never homesick there - yet when I lived in the Middle East I did have bouts of it. Basically even if you don't get back much you must know you have the option... so I don't think it's the same.

I think its perfectly possible to be homesick and still really like where you are. I enjoy the UK a lot! That said, I miss people and things from "home" even while liking and enjoying my time in the UK. I think an ability to get back home in a few hours versus a long haul flight can change the mental perception about how far away things are and change the mental outlook. I know I cannot get back to the US on a whim and so it does feel more distant, and sometimes that makes the people and things I miss feel more out of reach.

My antidote is to remember why I am here and get stuck into the PhD work and then also to try to find those supports and enjoyable activities that are so important in the environment around me.

I think being homesick is just a sign of having strong attachments...not a reflection on how well you like or even how well you have adjusted to your new place.

I agree with leone. I've lived in 2 foreign countries, one I enjoyed, one I hated. Made a world of difference on the homesick front.

Thanks Beverley but that's not quite what I meant. I obviously haven't made myself very clear... my mind's probably clogged up with work! I don't disagree with Olivia at all. My point doesn't negate hers - all I was trying to say is that if one is feeling low for other reasons, (being unhappy in another country being but one example of many), it naturally makes homesickness a bit worse.

The important thing is that it will hopefully get better, Maree. I think you're doing right by staying and don't forget it won't be forever.

I think not liking where you were certainly would make it worse! I think that Leone and I are saying the same things...! My mind is clogged with work too and so I may not have made my point as clearly as I wanted!

"France is so close and cheap to travel to!" - thing is, in my case, it doesn't apply. Getting back to where I'm from in France takes about ... a day (bad roads, few trains, got to travel about 120 miles extra to catch connections, and so on... I'm from the proper countryside, lol). For comparison, my boyfriend is from the US and it takes just as long all included to go to my parents' in France or to his nan's in NY.

Yet I agree it is true that, in the end, France and England are culturally (yeah yeah, I mean it) and geographically very close, so maybe it makes a difference - never really thought about that before. Yet I would have imagined the same goes for England and the US too.

Now you're talking about it, I'm probably not homesick because I do enjoy life in the UK a lot.

Yet, after thinking about it more, I believe the main reason why I do enjoy it here because I am but too aware that I have no future (especially in terms of employment) in France, and this probably does not apply for people from the US (- unemployment is not as bad for postgrads in the US I think, is it?).

Anyway... one thing I was told at a foreign students meeting during my forst week here is to get lots of things sent over from home - like pictures, teddy bears (!), letters rather then e-mails, and so on. I think that would make me even more depressed if I was homesick, but apparently it has proved to help most people, so maybe it's something to consider?

The problem seems to be that this time you are married. I've lived overseas both single and married and for me, it was definitely more fun single. You don't integrate into your new place the same when you are a couple, but you can't enjoy being there alone anymore because you miss your partner. I know some people prefer moving as a couple as you are basically socially self-contained but I think it takes the fun out of getting out and about, moving freely and meeting new people.

How long will you be here after your husband goes back?