A long long time ago ( back before there was light and sound) I had a work colleague who used to explain the difficult behaviour of clients or colleagues as that person being "insane." Without wanting to make light of or speak badly of mental illness or people with mental health struggles, this has often been a useful way to think of people and situations for me--as in, whatever is fuellng the person may very much be an internal feature of their own irrationality or dysfunction that no rational approach will impact. No matter what YOU do--their action/reaction will be the same. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done to help a situation. I am not saying this to be defeatist, but to suggest that sometimes difficulties are so ingrained within a particular system, department, person, etc. that nothing you do is going to change it, and the reactions you get have little to do with you, and much to do with the ingrained nature of the environment.