Maybe my PhD student life is the worst. Maybe I should not persuit PhD at the beginning.

I am an international student. I came to USA to persuit my PhD 2005 with the support of my brother. The tuition and living cost in USA is very high, especially for us, which means a huge mount of money. When my brother heard that I need money to study abroad, he promised to support me without hesitation, even it was not easy for him to do so.

I thought I could get financial support easily once I came here. But it was not true. The first professor usually does not support students in the first year, which is the most needed time for a PhD student. So, after one quarter, I left his lab and switched to another professor. This professor is crazier. She wanted us to work 60-80 hours per week, but she did not want to pay the stipend, which is just half of the standard stipend.

Part2: Just at that time, I wanted to go back to my hometown and got married. It was supposed to be a happy trip, but in the end it turned to be a nightmare. Because of the tough time in the past year, I felt guilty to my family, so I just planed to stay in my hometown for 1 day.
I was supposed to pay back the money ASAP, but I could not. So my sister-in-law was very dissatisfied with me. She had argued with my brother. Right after I left my hometown, my brother got a stroke. After staying in ICU for half a month, he died. My brother, who functioned as my father in my life, died in this special way.

It was a pain for me. I know my brother undergone much pressure for me. For a long time, I could not go out of this nightmare.

However, that was not all. After I stayed in my home country for over a month, my spoken English dropped dramatically. My second advisor was very dissatisfied with me and she did not want to support me anymore. I had to find another advisor. In this June, I got two offers. One is from the College of Medicine (COM) of our uni, which is the top 5 medical school. Another prof. is from COM of another university, which is next to our uni. Our department is very independent, so it is fine to find an advisor from another university as long as they are in this city. When I made a choice, I was really not confident in my ability, so I chose the professor from our Un because it is easy to get financial support. But this professor comes from Korean, so his spoken English is not so good. I know my spoken English is not so good either, but just for this reason I feel that I should work with an American prof, like another professor.

Right now, I contacted another prof, but he said I need to do a lab rotation in his lab for 4 months first, in which he would not pay my stipend. After that he would like to pay my salary.

Even though I get financial support now, but I am still not happy. Is it because of personality? I know I used to tend to go back to store and change something after I bought it because I can always find some flaw.

I regret that I have chosen this Korean prof. I know he is a good scientist and he’d like to help me. But I also think the spoken English is very important to me. Right now, it seems impossible for me to switch to that new professor. But I am unhappy in my current lab. My current prof probably knew about this, and he is unhappy with me also. But we just have not talk with each other about this. I do not what to do.

I do not know why PhD is so hard for me.

so sorry about your brother. with regards to your current professor i think you really need to talk. if both of you are not happy working together talk about it and see if you can move to another. i think you also need someone who is fluent in English. the idea that both of you are not fluent looks like a recipe for disaster esp if you are working on your project in english. English is my second language and i have learnt a lot from my english speaking supervisor. good luck

Dont take it personally, No problems could be unsolved. do what you think it's right, if you are really desperate enough, not giving a s**t about the result

btw, english is not most important, it is not listed in the factors that determines a decent research, no worries

on two occassions, i've had supervisors who's English is not as good as mine - but they have PhDs. that says something. If i were you, i'd get over this and stick with this professor - spoken english is not everything. as long as you write well in your thesis, the rest is irrelevant. if you wanna practice your English, you can do that outside the lab with proper English speaking people. ( By the way, English is my third language.) Just focus on your work and try not to find fault with everything, otherwise this will impede you from making progress.

I don't really understand why my post has been removed. Is it now against the forum rules to state an opinion which does not contain any swear words?

Thanks, guys. The American Prof. who I want to switch to is a M.D. and PhD, and he is in a top 5 medical school. Do these factors matter? Should I tell him that I would like to do the lab rotation first, which means I need to work in his lab without financial support?

dont complicate your situation, but on the condition that you are determined to change your own situation no matter how much you pay for that, do it!