Hey guys,

I need help please. I started my PhD in october but have absolutely no motivation for it, havent done anything at all yet and would like to quit. I started my PhD straight after my Masters, which i did straight after my BA, all at the same uni, so i havent had a break and i think thats contributed to feeling totally demotivated. I dont enjoy the subject and am not sure i want a career in academia, so its seems pretty clear that i shouldnt be doing this.

There is a problem, however, because i got a scholarship to do this PhD. The uni are paying my fees and giving me a maintenance grant for each year so i feel like i cant let them down. They are obviously expecting me to pursue an academic career and are pushing me towards this. I would feel so guilty if i quit, as i know lots of people cant do PhDs cos they havent got the money. Also im not sure what would happen with the money, as obviously by now i have spent some of it. Would they ask for the maintence grant back? And what about the tuition fees theyve paid for me?

I dont know what to do, i dont see the point in staying as my heart isnt in it but i dont want to let down my teachers or my parents, who are so proud of me. Also i worry i will regret wasting such a chance later in life, especially as there is nothing specific i want to do career-wise, and i may end up in a dead end job.

Any help from anyone who has been through something similar or has some advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Hi,

I posted here on 21st November with a very similar problem, though I've been in the PhD a while longer.
First of all, with regard to the money I don't think they will ask for it back. It would be like quitting a job and being asked for your wages back for the time you worked there. Though please dont take my word for it - check what the university policies are.

It sounds like you jumped into the PhD because you didn't know what else to do, and because you felt it was expected of you. As I've discovered, if your heart isn't in it, then it won't go well.
It probably sounds a bit contradictory then to ask whether it would be worth sticking it out for another couple of months so that you are settled in to it and find your feet - the style of working is probably quite different to undergrad and masters so that might be part of the problem. Then, if you still feel that its really not for you, you can tell your supervisor and parents that you've given it a good try, and know for sure its not for you. Would it be possible to talk to your supervisor at this stage and explain that you feel this wasnt a good time for you to start a PhD? They may be open to the idea of you leaving for a year or two and even coming back at a later stage if you decide you are ready. I really think in cases like this honesty and communication is the best policy - its better to be open than to waste people's time.

A big part of my dilemma has been what to do with my life if I quit the PhD, but Ive come to the conclusion I would be asking the same question in a few years time if I kept going with the PhD, with no savings or work experience, so might as well get started on some kind of career path now, rather than delaying the inevitable for three more years. I've heard from a few people that quit their PhDs that it worked out fine, and they found jobs that they were much happier in.

I hope whatever you decide that it works out well

I'm a PhD dropout but my circumstances were very different to yours. Before you take any action I would suggest some or all of the following:

1. Bear in mind that you've only been going for a few weeks. That probably isn't enough time to get a feel for what doing a PhD is like - I'd be reluctant to be sure that my heart wasn't in something after such a short time.
2.Talk to other students in your subject area/the graduate tutor in your department/your supervisor and see what they have to say.
3. Think about what made you want to do a PhD in the first place. This is really important. In what way has your experience so failed to reflect your expectations? Is this mismatch rectifiable? Do you *want* it to be rectified?
4. Make the decision for yourself. Guilt tripping yourself because of other people's expectations/the university's funding isn't going to make you not feel miserable if the entire path is wrong for you.
5. Consider a deferment of some sort - asking if you can suspend your project for a few weeks/months while you have a break and some thinking time. Would be better than throwing away the opportunity entirely.

Good luck!

Hazy

Forgot to say - you might well have to pay your stipend back. I left after 18 months, a bit before the end of a quartly installment and ended up paying back about 10 days worth. But given that, by your own admission, you haven't been there long and haven't really done anything, I wouldn't be totally shocked if they asked for the money back.

I spent ages trying to find out that kind of thing from my funding council's website, but to no avail - they don't seem to be geared up to what to do if someone quits!

I would advise that before you quit, secure employment.

Hi. I started in Oct too and I don't think we've had anywhere near enough to really get into things yet. I'm the same as you, same uni for BA and MA and then scholarship for the Phd - I too feel rather weird atm - but I think its natural - I don't know how to advise you - hang on would be my suggestion - its just too early - we haven't go going.
You say you haven't done anything yet - what, nothing? Reading, maybe a small pilot study, what subject are you in? Why not speak to your supervisor and get some advice - get him to set you some deadlines and then get down and do some work.
Regards the scholarship - with mine if I quit I have to pay back the lot - its motivation if ever I need it to keep going!