Hi all

I'm not really looking for advice but have a desperate urge to vent, so thanks (and apologies!) in advance to all readers...

I have started a PhD in September on a topic I love with a fantastic team of supervisors and I seemed to be doing OK until January despite a very long commute, teaching commitments and a toddler. Since January however (and news of an unexpected and very complicated pregnancy) I can't seem to muster the strength or motivation to do anything worthwhile.

My supervisors, although very supportive, have been clear in telling me that my work is currently not up to PhD level and I have one last chance to submit a 'make or break' mind-blowing chapter before I take maternity leave (i.e. a matter of weeks) - if the chapter isn't good enough, I won't go through to the 2nd year and will loose my scholarship.

I am so paralysed with stress that I don't know where to start - I have started reading a bit and have a very hazy general idea of what I want to talk about but spending my days at home stuck to day-time TV as if my life depended on it isn't doing me any favours.

I do feel like all the effort of the first few months were completely in vain and that I have so little to time to get back on track that I maybe shouldn't even bother.

That said, I already feel better for sharing my plight, so thanks forum!

How many months in are you(the PhD, not the pregnancy)?
I'm a bit concerned that there might be some sexism at play here Given your difficult pregnancy, they could be in trouble for sex discrimination....
Is it possible for you to retrospectively take time out. I know up until v recently at my Institution if you provided medical evidence (which it sounds like you'll have) they'll suspend your registration for a period of months (of course, your funding body would have to agree to this).
Stress and pregnancy are really not a good combination; you need to get this sorted ASAP.
I'm concerned that they might be trying to push you out within the twelve month period during which they don't get penalised. What help have they offered you during your difficult pregnancy? Do you think you might be depressed with all this going on?
S

Hi Miniplum,

Being told you have One Last Chance and that your work has to be 'mind-blowing' might spur on some people but if you're already finding things difficult it is only going to make you more scared and increase the inertia. It sounds to me like they have attempted the former result, but maybe if you arranged another meeting and explained very clearly everything which has been going on and gave them a realistic timetable of what you can achieve, they might be understanding? That would give you the chance to start working on your chapter bit by bit, building up information instead of execting it to be perfect first time which is just impossible, especially in your first year.

I think Pamplemousse is right to draw your attention to the health/possible discrimination issues here... There seems to be an assumption here that your pregnancy can just be handled 'by the book', with you taking maternity leave at the appropriate time, but I don't see how that can be right if it hasn't been a by-the-book, healthy pregnancy. And it does sound as if you're in no state of mind to press on with the work they're demanding - maybe there's another health issue there with stress or depression.

You need to take some expert advice I guess, but it sounds to me like the demands being made of you are unreasonable in light of your health situation.

Hello and thanks for your reply (and concerns)

I'm 9 months into the PhD - the sex discrimination issue did cross my mind to be honest as all my problems seem to start from the moment I told my sups about the pregnancy - not shifting responsibilities here though, I know I haven't been working to the best of my ability. I have made some enquiries re an interruption of studies but have been 'advised' to submit rather than leave it for a year and go back to what could potentially be only 3 months if I fail (does that make sense?).

I haven't received any extra help as such but have been made to feel like them asking me to produce an extra chapter is like them doing me a favour. I did have an inkling that something was wrong although I haven't been said so in words, but it seems like the panel decided on the day of my second review that my work wasn't good enough - I had no official prior warning that that was going to happen.

Hmmm all sounds very dodgy if you ask me.
Do you get paid maternity leave?
I still think you should investigate a (retrospective?) interruption. It seems like you haven't been provided with the right level of support given you're pregnant. Are any of your supervisors female?
Sx

Incidentally, how far are you into your pregnancy?
S

Hi Pamplemousse

I'm 6 months pregnant (very doubtful I'll get as far as my due date though due to the complications but there is no way of predicting that).
I will get paid maternity leave and yes, incidentally, my main sup is female (not sure it's going in my favour though).

Thanks for the concern pamplemousse, it's very much appreciated x

Hmm
Given you're coming into your third trimester I don't think that it's realistic for you to be writing an amazing Chapter right now; you'll be stressed and exhausted which is no good for you or baby. My concern would be that they might try and push you out before you go on maternity leave, potentially leaving you without pay or the security of having anything to go back to, so I think it's pretty urgent you either intermit or have a meeting to discuss the way forward (and I'd probably take medical evidence along).
Good luck, and I hope that you get to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Sx

Go for a deferment. This is possible. I know this because the person who came to our meeting last Sat told us that when she arrived to take up her post she was 7 months pregnant and asked for leave at the beginning of her PhD, they weren't over the moon, but she got what she wanted. another chap has had a year out because of pressure of work at work, so there should be no problem with you getting a break. What they are asking you to do is unreasonable, and they probably know it. You could mention discrimination, gently not forcefully, and go and see someone higher up than they are. You will be able to do bits and bobs, but it has to be on your terms, not theirs. tell them how it is, map out how you will get back on track in your own good time, and don't take no for an answer. 

Please take care. They do appear to be placing you under some stress and given your circumstances I feel this is unfair. Try not to get stressed about this, very difficult I know, as it could complicate your pregnancy further.

Tread carefully and seek advice from the students union and student welfare as they would be the best people to guide you.

Hope things improve for you.

Thanks all for your kind advice and support - I'm seeing my consultant on Wednesday and will ask her what she thinks.