Has anyone else got a partner who isn't involved in academia or research & has problems getting their head around the fact that you are constantly bogged down with a heavy work load, yet appear to them to be not doing very much with your time? My boyfriend thinks I have loads of spare time on my hands at home when actually I am readig, writing or even just thinking.
Also my boyfriends family are really disapproving of my PhD and see it as I have given up work to go back to uni to do a little course. Despite trying to explain what I am doing, they show little or no interest and have not understanding, nor respect for my project or the qualification I am trying to gain. They see me as a bit of a lay about I feel.

I totally sympathise with you. I have a similar problem in that my boyfriend cannot understand why (now that I'm a Post-doc) I am still having to work at home (unpaid) in the evenings and at weekends. He (and also my family to a certain extent) don't get the concept that it is in my own interest to spend time writing papers or conference abstracts or working on grant applications etc. I don't know what the answer is really, it's hard because most people who haven't been to University have no concept of what a PhD involves. I think the only people who truly understand have either done one, or are currently doing one!

As I am just starting out on the PhD journey allot of friends and family are quite interested in exactly what I am going to be spending the next few years working on. The trouble is by title is long winded and sounds rather complicated! I have tried to simplify it and just say I am going to be looking at Environmental governance of Marine Conservation - eve this seems to take rather allot of explaining. I also describe it as a research job rather than a course as this seems to command a bit more respect!!

My boyfriend understands what I am doing and is very supportive, BUT he cannot understand why it takes me so long to get anything written. As an undergrad he would have his essays done way before the deadline...not me at all! Also he is always going on about saving for a potential 4th year if I don;t complete before the funding runs out...boo hoo...but he is right!

Well at least it's not just me. Thanks guys: there is some comfort knowing we're all going through pretty much the same, I suppose. Neil - I have exactly the same problems as you. My boyfriend & I are rennovating a Victorian house & it always falls to me to take time off to wait in for workmen or deliveries. I had planned to work from home for a couple of days last week & was sat writing a major part of my literature review through the sound of floors being nailed down & sanded for 7 hours! I had tried to impress on my boyfriend that I was going to need peace & quiet for a few days as I had an important deadline, but he still went & arranged for the work to be done, because " I was going to be hanging about".

the same here. I am the only one in my family in at least last five generation that has got a unversity degree, not to talk about PhD. nobody really understands why and what I am doing. Moreover, everybody whom I used to support financially when I had a very good job is very surprised and dissapointed that I live on scholarship only and can not help them anymore. sometimes I feel really, really lonely in my efforts...

I am so glad someone brought this topic up because it is something that has been bothering me these past few weeks. My family just DO NOT get it - they think becasue I'm sitting at my desk reading that it's not hard work, and dont understand that you need a bit of peace and quiet to write - I constantly have to ask for the TV to be turned down - the arguements that causes!! I really think that they believe an episode of I'm a Celebrity is more important than my career!!

And another thing that really bugs me - my brother can't understand the fact that I work in the evenings/weekends - he thinks that work starts at 9am and finishes at 5pm - I've told him it's not like that till I'm blue in the face..but no, no!! On blares the TV for hours on end. I'm moving out of home, so hopefully it'll be better soon.

Can I join too..only last week that I was trying to explain to my boyfriend that I feel so bad as I haven't written enough for my lit.review. Eventhough he has a degree, an MBA he just thinks I am lazy and asks why I cant finish it and whats so hard about reading and writing about something..Dear PhD Lord! (if there is anyone like that)please help him to understand that its only one step forward and two steps back in the PhD world.

hey, i must say then that I count myself lucky. I am single therefore I do not have to do a lot of explaining to anyone about how and why i spend my time the way i do. My family are also quite laidback so I try to get them involved in my PhD life, telling them about my research and supervisor meetings. I think they just trust me to handle it and feel they do not know enough to discuss it. Today for the first time in my life, me being daddy's girl, i asked my dad whether he thinks i should put my paper up on an academic database for reviews and he apologised for not knowing and said i should ask my supervisors. I always thought daddy knows all! am having to grow up now :(.

I totally agree with everyone! I have actually given up explaining what I do to my family as they think I should just get married instead. One of them came up with the classic I thought people who did PhDs didn't have alot to do, they always look like they're not doing much - so I told her obviously they are skiving or not doing one! My friends are better but they know I'm mad!