Has anyone else been doing a phd for a long time, gone through a series of department mergers and closures and found themselves friendless and partnerless? Academically speaking, I am not overly worried about my work, I went part-time a couple of years ago when my full-time funding ran out and found a very well paid job working at the weekends for an international company. However, I always seem to be working away alone, most post-grads in my department are foreign and speak very little english (similar to my housemates), my old friends from grad school have finished or are finishing and moved away settled down etc. Because of work, I no longer have a big interest in conferences. I am just thinking, how on earth did I become so alone, I used to have so many friends and so many things to do, now, all i seem to do is work or watch tv when I am exhausted, when everyone else around me seems to have healthy family lives or rich partners or parents supporting them. Has anyone else been through this?

hi sajid
I haven't really been through what you're going through. How far away are you from finishing your phd?
Perhaps after you have got that done, you may be able to move on with your life.
Like, the phd is one chapter on your life and you can go on the next episode.

You also need to think positive; once you do that, your body will also change, and so does your outlook (eventually)
and it will help attract friends.

Have you also kept in touch with any of your friends? For example, email them once in a while.
If not, its not too late to start. Maybe you could add some friends to your twitter or facebook account or Tubely.
You could even find friends from your childhood days.
You dont have to say very much, just a hello and how are you, its me sajid.

You can do something about your "how on earth did I become so alone".
Do something.

:-) satchi

Hi Sajid, not exactly in the same boast as you, but I can relate. I live 3 hours away from my uni so don't go there much, and so don't have friends at uni. I also moved into a small, parochial town where I don't have much in common with the people who live here so don't make new friends. I'm writing up at the moment and not going out much, and most of my 'friends' have promptly forgotten I exist. So, yes, I can relate to the PhD loneliness. At the moment I'm coping by using a chat room for PhD students (http://www.phinished.org/) and by having a supportive partner. But that doesn't help you...

As Satchi says, you need to take some action. Even if you spend most of your time studying and working, do something else - or if you can't do it now, plan to do it after you submit. Take up a fun class, join some groups, put yourself out there. And yes, hook up with old friends. Be proactive and change things. It will take a while, but take little steps. Good luck!

Thanks Satchi and Sue, you're both really right, I need to start re-building a social life, I'm becoming too set in my ways! I guess I was just having a bad day, the weather was terrible and I watched Up in the Air. I am currently writing up and looking at finishing this year. Satchi I like what you say about moving on from this chapter of my life after the PhD is done....I think thats exactly how I am going to see it, it's already helping me focus and feel positive. Thanks, much appreciated.