Hi Guys

I'm thinking from reading Picchu flower's post and a few other ones that PhDs appear to put an awful strain on a relationship, i must admit it also seems to be mostly the chaps who are at fault here. Just wondering if anybody apart from my Sister has managed to survive their PhD with relationship intact, or if it all really is as bad as it looks?

I'm curious being about 6 months into a relationship with my girlfriend and coming up to 2 years into the PhD as to what strains may be about to happen

Well I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 and a half years and am nearing the end of my 2nd year of my PhD. We're doing ok
Yes some of the time there is a strain on our relationship - but I think it's more due to the fact that his brother is staying at our house (he was meant to live here for a few months to get settled, 9 months later he's still here) rather than my PhD

i've been with my partner for 7 years. he started his PhD about 5 years ago, i started mine about 20 months ago, and we're still going strong. what has been a strain is the situation that he is now employed as lecturer, very busy doing all the lecturing-business and should be finishing up the PhD at the same time. sometme within the next months i'd like to have a free weekend together, and then maybe even - how presumptuos of me - some holidays!

Cakeman: "i must admit it also seems to be mostly the chaps who are at fault here."

A generalisation, surely? You could equally say that women are more open to discussing their relationship problems than men, so that is why their stories appear more frequently on this forum. Anyway, I think it's an unhealthy attitude to adopt, automatically thinking that you might be the source of problems, before any have even arisen.

As someone nears the end of their PhD and enters the writing up stage then the amount of free time they can dedicate to their partner will normally be reduced. I think this is a common cause of tension in a "PhD" relationship. If both partners can come to some sort of compromise then it survives, if not... well, c'est la vie!

My husband completed his PhD a decade ago. I'm writing up mine now. We're doing just fine. Then again we both understand what the other one is doing! I was a PhD student before he was, but had to leave 12 years ago due to incurable serious illness. Now I'm on PhD #2, part-time. The only PhD tension we ever had was me finding it difficult to watch him complete after I'd had to leave mine. But we managed it, just fine.

i am looking for a gf, and u have problems. im worried, i might neva find 1... help my phd keep me 2 busy

I have to say that I don't really understand posts about this... Because my relationship with my BF is mine, no one elses, we have our own ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. Surely it can't be so generalised as to say you are doing a PhD therefore this, this or this is predictable? As it goes our life is the same as when I was working in a full time job... we live together and we chat about my stresses and his stresses on a Friday night after work. I don't see the complication?!! Maybe I am not working enough? Is it about living apart? Surely being in a relationship doesn't need to suffer because you have to work??

I can see a complication immediately in the fact that you're studying such a specialised subject. Unless you're lucky enough to have a partner in the same field of study or just doing another PhD (and can at least share with you the problems of PhD study) there will surely be difficulties?

As I am about to embark upon a PhD myself I fear for my relationship. My gf bores quickly at any mention of my academic work/life, even below PhD level. I fear the science/arts relationship may be doomed once only one partner continues onto a PhD?

Well put Jayney.

Thank you walminskipeasucker