Have anyone has the solution to this problem. i would like to rebuilt my relationship with my PhD supervisor.

I had a very caring supervisor during my phd study, because i have a long term illness and i was enduring my pain and suffering to complete my study. i therefore have a lot of stress, physically and mentally, particularly in the second half of my study, and was very nervous and felt "running out of time" to complete all the objectives of the project. while by all mean i believe i was doing my job and the right things, i had not been put his personal feeling first and had upset him alot. he remembers this even after a whole year after i completed the experimental work, 8 months after the viva, 3 months after my thesis approved, and 1 months after my graduation.

having said that i have graduated, it has been extraordinarily difficulty to find a job. initially thought it is all about economy, and i am out completed by other better qualified candidates and over qualified for average job. i continue to improve myself. then again, i ask on my application to the potential employer to obtain references if i am invited to interview, i then start to have interviews. it then starts to have interview questions totally out of context, then i realise something wrong about supervisor's reference.

then i hope to talk to him and find a solution, sadly, he denies initially but eventually i get it later on that he have not given me any good reference. in his words, he said nothing bad against me neither. no one can turn the clock back and it is bygone. i do not see any point of crying (although i do feel so) but would like to find a solution and rebuilt our supervisor and pupil relationship, and/or be more helpful to my career development, independently from him.

advice please.

If I understand this correctly, you were under a lot of stress during your PhD. study; both due to long term illnesses and due to the study, and this affected your relationship with your supervisor.

It seems to me from your post that you agree with your supervisor that there was something wrong with your communications and that you had something to do with that.  If so, can you maybe apologize to him? Tell him that you recognize what you did wrong, and that you are willing to improve?  You then must be honest about that; your supervisor might think that you are only apologizing to him to get better references. Is there any possibility to work with him again, so you can show that you can do better?  Or, can you find another referee?

I hope you will find some good solution for this :-)

I am not sure I understoof very well, even after reading a couple of times, so sorry if I got you wrong..depends also on what kind of a person your sup is. If he is genuinely caring and considerate then I think it is possible to at least make an attempt to clarify (and even apologize for) any mistakes you may have made. Apologizing takes a lot of strength even if for the silliest of mistakes, and honestly, I think one thinks better of those who manage to say the Sorry rather than those who are defiant.

Second, if he is not that genuine a person, and will bear malice despite all efforts, the answer is to remind yourself of the many hundreds of PhD studnets around the globe who have pathetic sups who will not lift a finger to help them (sometimes even forget they exist, even promise refs and never give them on time to make the deadlines). These people find other people to write their refs. In which case, thats a good idea.

In any case, once again apologies if I got you wrong. Best, and good luck