Just wondering if anyone can offer some relationship advice regarding being in a long term relationship with someone completing a PhD.

I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, and he is in the 9th year of his dissertation (aiming to submit in the fall/winter and hoping to defend in the spring/summer of 2017). When we first met, I was finishing up doctoral school and writing my board exams, so I absolutely can relate to living life on a student budget, late nights studying, reading & writing etc. 3 years into our relationship, we are still both living separately in Toronto, and I've recently found a full time job working at a clinic. My boyfriend is 36 and still lives at home with his parents, who pay for everything in terms of tuition, living expenses, groceries, car expenses, etc.

He's told me in the past that he is open to the idea of pursuing industry work should the academia route not work out, and I have told him that if need be, I am willing to relocate myself and my dog, to anywhere in North America since my doctor's license permits me to work in Canada and the US. Yesterday, he told me he wants to apply for a postdoc that would require him to be 1-2 years overseas. I understand that it's still early and he would be competing with other applicants, but the thought of this putting a strain on our relationship weighs heavily on me. He is suggesting that I live with him during the postdoc (which sounds great), but realistically, it is a huge distance, and the job prospects for my line of work are rare to come by. We have discussed our future together in terms of marriage, owning a home, and kids being something to work towards, but I'm almost 31 and I'd like to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Can anyone relate to this? How did you two make it work? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I can certainly relate to being at different stages in a relationship - but it's tricky to give specific advice... I can give general :) Both be open an honest no matter what the outcome - communication is key. I firmly believe people need to (try to) fulfil their dreams and in an ideal world that is with the right person but it won’t work unless you both believe in them.

Thank-you, AOE26, that was very helpful.

It's been a tough 2 months, but we are working through it. He is on the last stretch, so we've been spending less time together, but I realize how important it is for him to submit and get past this phase, so I've been waiting on the sidelines and keeping occupied with other things. Unfortunately, I have never been a patient person, but this whole experience has taught me to slow down and breathe and just live in the present. Whether he gets the postdoc position or not, will be determined by January, so we will address it when the time comes; I figure there's no point worrying and being upset about something that isn't a sure thing yet. Don't get me wrong, there's still days where I get frustrated about our situation (and I've finally opened up about it), but I've realized that if this person is who I see a future with, then making little sacrifices and waiting it out is worth it. I assume that once he submits, it'll be out of his hands, a weight will be lifted, and we can regain some semblance of normalcy again.

I would echo the advice above. You really need to be saying all this stuff to your partner.