How do you bounce back when your self esteem has been beat down day in day out by your supervisor for years? My confidence is rock bottom guys. I am six months away from finishing but I cant take it anymore. I am made to think I am so useless a student all the time and as a result I am always stressed. My supervisor seems to be happy to see me in this state. I have taken it for far too long and I now fear my health will be affected. I am thinking about changing my supervisor but I am not sure if its the right thing to do at such a stage. All along I thought things were going to change but they seem to be getting worse. I avoid contact with my supervisor whenever I can because he finds something provoking and negative to say whenever I talk to him. For example, out of nowhere, I can be reminded of a mistake or I made a year ago and how that makes me the worst student on this earth. Sometimes this happens in the presence of other students and staff members and this drives me nuts. To make matters worse other students have caught on this behaviour resulting in bad relationships with some fellow students. The meetings to discuss progress aren’t extremely bad in terms of advice given though there is an excess of negative comments. I never do anything right! In these meetings its like he is in some kind of a competition with me showing me how he is more knowledgeable than I am. Surely if I possessed the same level of knowledge I wouldn’t be the student. When I suggest something its normally shot down but interestingly the same idea can come back from him as a new and brilliant idea a few weeks/months later. I am afraid with his behaviour I might fail.Should I go ahead and request for a change of supervisor or its not advisable at this stage? Please help.

Hi Pucko

I don't think you should change supervisors at this late stage - if you did, it would be doubtful that you'd finish in 6 months. A new supervisor would take a while to get up to speed with your work and could possibly want to change direction. Do you have a co-supervisor you can talk to about this? I think you need to have a really honest conversation with your supervisor and tell them what you've told us. It sounds like your supervisor is really insecure - competing with students is a classic sign of insecurity - so this could be more about them, than you. They might be unaware that they're making you feel like this.

So, I would be brave, and go and talk to them. There is the chance that this could make things worse of course, and in that case, that's why I think you also need to talk to someone else, like a co-supervisor to get some additional support. This is a tough situation.

You also sound like you've been coping and getting your work done without your sup's help, so well done you! You must be a strong person. If your relationship with your sup doesn't improve, it sounds like you're resilient and aware, and would be able to complete with just a little bit of help. You're almost there! Hang onto that, try and get some additional support, and good luck!