I came abroad for PhD with an bachelors degree with around 1 & 1/2 year of irrelevant work ex in between. I got upgraded to phd with funding from college when I applied to masters as they thought my application was good enough. Uni's in top 100 (okay) and I was getting funding (wasn't financially well off) I moved half way around the globe for it. However, I am more into business administration stuff and want to get MBA from good uni once my application is good enough.

Truth is I don't enjoy research much, just I like reading about different things not dive into one particular area and I realized that in last one year. My sup is alright, postdoc helps me but it's only them who feel a thing about what I do, I don't. I know I am not a top class PhD material and can assure that I won't be doing anything groundbreaking even if I spend all my life here; it's not underestimating my capabilities but that's the truth - I'm better off with job where I know what exactly I need to do and how to do.

Now I am in my second year and have 4 more years to go, 3 at the least. I want to quit this because I don't see myself working in R&D in industry down the lane when I'm more into business of it and not in academia, for sure. I don't see how spending another 4 years doing what I don't care about while detached from everything and everyone. I got over homesickness phase but I miss my bf, family and friends back home. And when I want to work in business aspects I don't really see the point in waiting 4 years doing a phd and then doing an MBA. However, I can't downgrade mine to masters since I am on funding. And my lab is newly established so I'm worried how my quitting will hurt my sup's and lab's reputation (I don't know much about academia working's). My sup won't be happy about me quitting at all, so if I end up leaving despite his will, I think I can forget recommendations for my next & future jobs from them. And I don't know how to convince my parents about me quitting, as they have very high hopes on me .

Right now all I want to do is quit this, go back home and get a job, build my application and get an MBA sometime. Yet, I am worried about convincing people that PhD is not for me and quitting is okay. Can you give me any ideas how I can deal with this?

There are good days and there are bad days when you're in research. But if your heart's not in it then there is probably no point in continuing. You're not doing it for someone else. PhD is one of the most difficult thing to do if you are not interested. Also, it seems that you don't want an academic or research based career, in which case a PhD won't be that useful anyway (don't know your domain area but mostly the case, unless in some specialist fields or if you want to be a consultant).

Better to take a break, clear your head and think about what YOU really want. Then if you still think that this PhD is not for you then better to just let it go.

Just my 2p worth...

Thanks brit27.
I dont really see myself making a career out of research. Even if i complete PhD and get research based job, I want to move towards management roles later. A project started out very recently and I prefer to drop out as soon as possible so that project won't be in ble because of me, but I am also afraid how he will react about me dropping out. I want to leave this but only worried about the hopes my parents have on me and my professors reaction.

Perhaps you could discuss with your supervisor on certain concepts first? Let him know you have difficulty understanding certain aspects?
Then, ask your supervisor about his expectation of PhD research?

...... Finally, discuss your difficulty... (But don't reveal you have decided to quit yet!!!)
Perhaps you can also ask you supervisor to share his feeling about your progress.

When breaking news break too fast..., it can be truly heart-breaking.

Dear Kathy
Sorry to hear you are considering quitting. It sounds like rather a dramatic thing to do when you have so many other options at your disposal. Have you thought about 1) Having a long or short break? Make your mind up over this break, see how you feel with a bit of distance between you and the PhD 2) Just doing an MPhil? This will mean you will get a qualification out of it - your time will not be 'wasted' 3) changing your question a bit? You say you want to do an MBA, but my friends say this is extremely tough and you won't get funding - it's very expensive. Can't you make your question a bit more business orientated? 4) getting advice from the professionals - ie students' union, careers service, equalities service or student counselling?

I wish you well.

Kind regards

Thanks Meaningfullife and anon007. We've been having discussions for quite sometime but everytime it's only him who ends up talking about stuff and getting all excited about research those topics while I just sit there dumb because I don't even feel a pinch of his excitement or interest in those topics - mostly because when I get introduced to a new topic and work on it, I get disinterested in after a while and that topic is as good as old newspaper to me. It's more like I want to know something of everything but not everything of something, which exactly is what PhD is all about. My postdoc is helping me a lot and I'm trying to meet their expectations but I can't. My sup is disappointed with my progress and has been saying this in a mild way for sometime.
I took a 2 week breaks twice and the feeling is the same. I would like to take a longer sabbatical to think over but sup's not happy to approve leaves anymore.
Right now, everything I am doing or not doing is because I don't want to stir up hornet's nest - I don't know how to break this news to sup and how to convince my family who have very high expectations of me.

hi kathy, I read your post with interest--and also the very good responses from people. Regarding this part :

kathy, life is such that it is very very difficult for people to live for themselves. It is not easy for us even, to be true to ourselves. So actually, your decision to quit should be done for you, and only you. You really don't have to convince anyone of your decision, in fact you don't really need to justify everything to everybody (family etc.). If it doesn't feel right in your heart, then the decision to quit is the right one for you.

This may be out of topic---but here's an example--a friend of mine quit taekwondo--she was very good at it (loads of medals even for kata etc.) her father grumbled, her mother nagged, but eventually they accepted her decision. She had grown tired of the sport, she wanted to do something else.

Should you wish to go forward with quitting, yes, the hornet's nest will be stirred--
but remember there is always calm after the storm. If you don't do A, you cannot get B. If you don't go through C, you cannot have D.

hope things work out well for you :-)
love satchi

I totally agree with Satchi. Life's short, find something you enjoy doing! I'm going through the same; After years of studying I'm considering leaving it all behind and doing something that makes me happy.

When you present people with news like this, you have to be very convinced in your heart that you intend to do this and go through with it. If you are, then delivering the news will not take long and needs to be done in a neutral tone.

I've found (from personal experience) that everytime I have had to do this in life when I have been totally convinced that this is what I must do for my own wellbeing, then it has taken about 10 minutes to deliver this news and people have accepted it pretty quickly (even though expressing disappointment or anger).

After I have listened to their expression of disappointment or anger-I have calmly said something like

"I'm sorry you are so (angry-disappointed-sad) but this is the right thing for me to do." sometimes Ive added something like, "is there anything I can do to make this easier for you...or are there things I need to do to make this process go smoothly"

something like that depending on what it is I am or are not doing...

People are usually disappointed and often express this verbally to you but they know in their own hearts when you really mean something and usually the conversation doesn't go on for a long time. Then you leave and go somewhere and take several deep breaths and do something like see a friend or have a coffee or something like that.

Next time you see the person, you both will have moved on and it gets easier to deal with all of the final planning-finishing up stuff.

If they say things that are unkind to you...don't take it personally, just accept that they are angry and or disappointed and this is their way of dealing with it. Just repeat that you are sorry that they feel that way but this is what you need to do for yourself.

If they say things that make you feel guilty-then don't take this on board. This is a form of manipulation and it is understandable why people use it but it is unacceptable as a reason for you to change your mind. See it as part of their anger and disappointment and ignore it -or accept it by listening but don't respond to the guilt ridden arguments-you don't have to respond to them, you have a right to ignore them.

Good luck...:).

Hi Kathy,

I don't know if you'll find this helpful but I have written an article recently which addresses your concerns: http://www.findaphd.com/student/study/study-51.asp (the second half of the article may be of interest).

Some of the points discussed are based on my own experience. The best thing to do now is to keep talking to people about it, not the least your supervisor.

Good luck!

Thanks Satchi. I hate confrontations and avoid them and that's why this is being so difficult. I think I just need to find a way to make this more peaceful.

Dwro8ea, I hope best for you!

Pjlu, Thanks for the reply, that was helpful. This was one thing what I was worried about. I tend to agree to things when people convince me but after sometime I realize that I was manipulated and this has happened to me many times before. I can take his anger and disappointment but I'm also worried if he will ever recommend me in case I need a reference in future. I think I found some jobs that interested me and are in similar field and I want to try them out but if in case they need any reference, I might lose them. Also, I tried finding how I feel about research in general. I'm not at all interested/excited about it. I get a flicker of interest in few instances but that is short lived and usually vanishes in few days. I don't hate it, I just don't really care about this at all. I'm indifferent to this or that, which should not be the case, for a PhD student.

nathaliephd, I read your article. My sup and lab members has no idea of me trying to pull out a prank like this. All my friends are going on good and even talking about quitting is something they don't want to do. One of my friend has suggested me to fail QE so that I can quit Phd but still get masters degree but I don't like the idea because 1. I think it's unethical 2. I never ever failed in acads and am a really good student and don't want to fail something to avoid something else and 3. I don't see the point in waiting till my QE for destiny/uni to throw me out. At our uni, quitting is something not spoken outwardly. Few people did but that was totally unexpected and sudden.