I started my PhD in September, with a real love of my subject and now 7 months later I have no motivation whatsoever.

After completing (and on the whole enjoying) my masters degree, it seemed like a sensible option to continue to study something that I really enjoyed. I've always been a very hard worker and extremely motivated. Over the past four plus months I just don't recognise myself. I'll do anything to avoid working. Whenever I think of picking up a book it makes me feel physically sick.

When I started my PhD (which is in pure maths) I knew I'd have LOTS of reading to do before I could feel I was getting anywhere. My supervisor gave me a list of several books, papers, course notes and left me to it. This did not bother me at the time since I've always been an independent worker, but I realise now that it completely overwhelmed me. Being presented with such a high volume of extremely complex material, with no guidance, no specific direction - where would I start?! The answer was to panic and read small parts of each new thing that my supervisor gave me, make little or no sense of it and move onto the next new thing.

My supervisor went on leave three months into my PhD - not ideal. At about four months I went to see my co-supervisor and completely broke down in front of him. I explained how overwhelmed I felt, how I was doubting my ability to continue. He was (and still is) very supportive - however by this point the stress of making no progress had kicked in, completely knocking my confidence. It still hasn't improved and I'm having a complete mental block.

I feel so frustrated with myself for letting it get to this point. I feel like I'm throwing away a great opportunity - but how do find my motivation again?

I realise I've rambled quite a bit, I think it reflects how I'm feeling at the moment. I can't seem to gather my thoughts and feel completely incapable of making any sound decisions.

The way I see it, I have three options:

1) Quit - which I hate the thought of.

2) Submit an MPhil thesis instead - though if I can find the motivation to write up an MPhil then an end of year continuation report would in theory be no problem.

3) Continue with my PhD - though if I can't motivate myself soon this option may be taken away from me and leave me with only option one.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

EVERYONE goes through this, so do not worry! The PhD is like a linegraph - your motivation at the beginning is always really high, then it takes a massive crash in the first year and then for the next two years will continue to have peaks and troughs. Its just the process.

Practically though, it really helps to have something to aim for - i.e. why are you doing the reading? YOu may find it helpful to write little sections about the things you are reading. I had a load of 2000 - 5000 word pieces at the end of my 1st year that all summarised sections of the literature and they have been a godsend when I've gone to write up something 'proper'.

Try and find a mentor in your department, like another PhD student who is further along, or perhaps a recent postdoc, who you can bounce ideas off and get them to help you understand some of the more complex stuff, without having to go to your supervisor.

However, if you really aren't understanding some of the stuff you are reading, there is no law against going to see your supervisor. Book in a regular meeting with him, so you can discuss where you are going and what outputs he wants to see.

If you haven't taken a break since starting I would advise taking a few days off as well! works wonders

I agree with sneaks, we all go through this. Everyone i know who was doing a PhD has said they wanted to quit at some point. But you realise that we are all in the same boat.

You need to organise your thoughts on a piece of paper, study one thing at a time (not all together because thats when you break down). Dont look at everything you still have to do, just look at what you are doing at hand. And dont think about the time either .. just get on with it and do it.

I'm meant to be nearlly finishing but i am still having problems, its on going in the PhD world, but some days will be really good and other days not so good and some really bad.. lol... especially when you have to go into labs and repeat your experiment over and over again lol.

You see we are making out replies as long as your original message.

Anyway keep your head up and you can do it

Heath3r,

Whatever you do, DON'T think about the big picture! I spent most of my first year doing this and panicking and hiding away from working. I only started to really plough through when I started taking each day at a time, each book at a time, each page at a time. Write up a list of tasks to do every day (realistic ones) and tick those off as you go. Don't panic if you don't understand something straight away - 99% of the time you won't. Just concentrate on today. Over time, patterns will start to emerge and things will become clearer.
You're not alone- trust me when I say that EVERYBODY goes through this. It's the ones who somehow find a way to stick it out that get through, not necessarily the brightest and cleverest ones.
You say your supervisor left - have you got a new one? Do you have regular meetings with him/her?

All best, you CAN do this!

Come over to the one goal thread and give yourself one goal at a time to do. EVen if that goal is 'turn on computer' its something! I know how you feel and I think we all go through patches like this!

Absolutely, there's loads of examples on these discussion boards of people who are going through or have been through very similar things to what you describe. I think everyone does feel it to one extent or another. I think all the stuff people have said about taking things one step at a time and not thinking about the size of the whole PhD is really good advice. You're still at a really early stage and there is still a lot of time to get on top of the subject - as far as I can tell, nobody is expected to have grasped everything and know where they're going after seven months. And the thing about patterns emerging is absolutely right - it's what my supervisors told me would eventually happen when I told them I was feeling overwhelmed - they said not to worry, it's all part of the process so just trust that the ideas will start to form as you get more familiar with your area.

The one goal thread is a great place to start - with something dead simple that you know you can try to achieve.

Good luck!