I was on this forum before for some support when I failed a Master's which I tried to do in French in France. You were brilliant for me at the time.

I quit my job in France to focus on my course because I was failing and then my girlfriend of five years kicked me out and sent me back to the UK when I did fail - we split up a year later.

Anyway I have been working as a supply teacher in Secondary to try to save to do an MA in Critical Theory which I was hoping would set me up for a PhD in my subject (English Literature).

However four months ago I met someone and we have been in a relationship since. I love her and she says she will always love me. I'm worried though and she tries to support me in my stress. I have been really nice to her but we have had a couple of bad fall outs.

On the one hand I'm thinking I still am really interested in further study and she said I could go and do it and she will stay with me (but the last one didn't) and on the other hand I'm not sure I should bother going down the PhD route.

Maybe I should settle for getting a permanent position in secondary and a car and a house and kids. We have spoken about marriage and domestically appear to want the same things. We are very similar culturally and have a great time together when I'm not stressed.

I'm worried it would all go down the pan if I followed the PhD which I don't think I can get funding for anyway.

Any thoughts would be highly appreciated, hope I've been coherent

(up)

The decision to do a PhD shouldn't be taken lightly. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment, much like a relationship. It will put a strain on your finances, friendships and sanity - also much like a relationship.

Doing a PhD is probably the most selfish thing one can do (speaking as a PhD student myself, and married to a PhD student), as it's putting one's life (and one's partner's life) on hold for a few years. If your partner is truly willing to do this for you, then you are a very lucky person.

I'm not trying to discourage or encourage you because choosing to undertake a PhD is a very personal decision.

Goodluck!

Sorry to throw in a bit of a reality check here, but it's only a four month old relationship. I realise that in those four months you can love someone and get to know them quite well, but you don't know them inside out and can't really say "I will always love you". There's a lot more to a person than you can really find out in four months.

What I'm saying is, don't build the relationship up too much and don't view it is as the only path to happiness. Go with what you feel right for you and take her into consideration, rather than do what feels right for both of you. Sounds a bit selfish, but at this point in a relationship you can't take decisions on the basis of a "we".

Do what makes you happy.

Answer the below 3 questions
Does the idea of a phd excite you?
Why are you looking to do a phd?
What do you want from life?

I left my phd after a year as I found it v isolating and I thought about it in evenings - now I don't worry and have lots of time with my partner which is great.