I'm gone half way with my PhD, but whenever I think about it I feel really upset. I'm really happy at home, just moved in with my boyfriend... But, when it comes to work, I just want to cry all the time. Some days I do just cry about it. Last year I was on antidepressants for a while, but the feeling of being sad was more widespread, in all areas of my life (e.g. anxious all the time, not sleeping, etc.).

I've spoken to people (friends, family, etc.) they generally say to hang in there because a PhD is only a finite amount of time - it doesn't make it easy though. And, as the feeling is only there when I'm trying to work, I don't really think antidepressants are the answer.

I've found my topic difficult, my supervision ranging from brilliant to awful, my supervisor left (but supervises me from elsewhere), I just can't seem to put all the work I've done together and when I write anything I just think its rubbish, so, I suppose I'm just not enjoying the process at all (that with a rubbish uni and little support, hasn't much helped my confidence). And... I did get upgraded, but I'm required to write an additional report for next review and they're threatening that I might be downgraded to an MPhil if my studies don't link up better (which just makes me want to cry again, because I'm so fed up). Sorry for rant, has anybody got any suggestions, I'm wondering if I should stick it out or just leave? Thanks. x

Hi Annieslim

You have my sympathy for feeling sad about your work. I think you should go and talk to someone professionally, a counsellor at uni maybe? and work out what you want to do about your PhD. PhDs are hard and sometimes depressing, no doubt about that, but it shouldn't be making you depressed all the time. I think a lot of us here enjoy doing our PhD - at least for moments anyway! Life's too short to hate what you're doing, so don't soldier on if it's making you miserable. I've had jobs that have made me depressed and anxious, and found the only thing was to move on to something else. Go and talk to someone, take some time out, work out what it is you like doing. And enjoy other aspects of your life in the meantime. Good luck!

I would stick with it, you are past half way now and you have passed the upgrade. However the situation with your supervision is not good enough for you, a PhD is difficult enough with good support but you sound as if you are really struggling with your supervisor and university, is there any way you could change this, eg by seeing your supervisor more regularly/changing universities? Are there any other PhD students you could talk to?

Having been on antidepressants myself I don't think they really work either. Especially in your case, you have identified a problem and unfortunately it is really bringing you down. If you could take some steps to improve the situation at university then you may start to feel better. Antidepressants are more likely to work with general uncontrollable depression and while you are understandably feeling very upset at the moment, they are not going to help the actual situation that is making you feel like that.

You have my sympathies, I hope you can begin to see a solution soon, good luck, Natassia x

Hi Annieslim. I work in a Student Services, as well as being a PhD student myself, we see research students in the same situation as you all the time. It can be hell but their is help available and it does work. Please do contact your Student Support team today. the will feel so much better just by talking to someone who can help and cares.

Paul.

Pau.

Hi
i agree with Sue. Don't stay where you're not happy! It's tough making decisions like this. i left my undergrad degree after a year because i was upset all the time and withdrawn (and that's not me)! It was the hardest thing to do, harder then staying! I worried about letting people down, my parents, friends I'd made and myself! But now i have a job and study part-time. and I'm so much happier!
You should be happy in everything you do, although it's only a finite amount of time, you also only get one life and it's short! So unless you need this for your future and its imperative in this subject you could re-evaluate apply for others, look at different options, just look around and see what else is out there! More then anything make sure you're doing what YOU want to be doing. xx

Hey Annie,

Although I agree with the other posters in that if you're really THAT unhappy, you should definitely consider leaving, I think what's interesting is that you've already stuck it out for so long, despite being unhappy. So there must be things about your project and the work you do that you do enjoy. You say your home life is happy, so things aren't that bad in relation to your work that it's affecting your relationship or anything like that. Maybe it would be worth taking a break for a couple of weeks, or even longer if at all possible, do some fun stuff that you like and try not to think about the work for a bit. Then when you go back to it you can do so with a fresher attitude to it all. If you go back after a break and it's still the same then it may well be that it's just not for you. In addition, do speak to the powers that be at uni regarding your supervision, and other things that it might be possible to change, as you have rights a PhD student.
Only you can know what's right for you.
Good luck with everything. Keep in touch with how things go x

Hi Annieslim.
As other posters have mentioned, lots of PhD students will go through phases of "sadness" - Especially in the second year, it can get tough, I think. I remember being quite defeatist at one point. Whilst the feeling of sadness seems quite strong, you know that that is not all (as you are happy with your home life). From what you say, maybe a new perspective on your work will help: I think it is normal to feel challenged with the work itself, the varying quality of supervision etc. Some people get sad, some angry/short tempered, some undecisive - all as a reaction to this challenge, that we sometimes take too personal. Remember that things like writing is a skill and that we all start out with something that we think is "rubbish". The point is that it is a start and not the final product. It is a learning experience and with time it will get easier, it is a process. Also, of course, your work will be critised, or your approach (or whatever), don't take it personal, it is part of learning what makes good science/a well-written piece/ a sound argument. My mantra is "Never give up" (although I appreciate that for some people giving up the PhD is the right thing to do). If you want this PhD, look after yourself - demand good supervision with constructive criticism that will help improve your work, maybe go and see a counsellor who can provide additional non-academic support, and when away from PhD work, relax and dont think about it. All the best whatever you decide.

Hi Annieslim,

I really sympathise - poor you, it sounds like you're having a miserable time. Have you thought about the idea of taking a bit of time off and maybe suspending your studies while you have a bit of a re-think? I know that at my uni, you can suspend your studies for up to 12 months (unpaid) if needs be, and your hand-in date will be pushed back. That way you don't have to completely burn your bridges and quit, but can get a bit of perspective away from your work, and maybe see if doing something else makes you feel better.

You really shouldn't feel sad all the time. Try to remember what made you want to do this in the first place, maybe write some lists of the good and bad about what you're doing, of a list of ideal-world scenarios of what would make you feel better. Talk to your supervisors, uni counsellors and other phd students and post-docs. At the end of the day, remember the phd isn't the be all and end all of life. If you're miserable there's no point to it. Finally, although its great to talk to friends and family, personally I've sometimes found my own family's advice less than helpful simply because they've really got no idea what doing a phd is actually like, and although I'm sure they want the best for you, they really might not be able to understand what you're going through.

Good luck with whatever you do, chin up!

:)