I started my PhD in spetember. I am co-mentored by the heads of 2 different labs. One of my supervisers I did an undergrad project with and get on really well with. The other I only see every couple of weeks. Every time I see her she makes me feel like everything I do is wrong and will never be good enough for her.

I'll have my one year review coming up in a few months and I genuinely don't know how it will go. I have worked really hard and been very enthusiastic up until now but I had a particularly bad meeting with her a few days ago. She upset me so much that I just went home, now I don't know how I can go back. I feel ridiculous for getting so upset but it has just built up over the last few months. Now I just feel like I don't even care about my research anymore, I just want to leave.

I know I'm not the only one in the lab who she has made cry on a regular basis and I genuinely can't see any end to the situation. I also feel like I've really screwed up and let my other supervisor down by just walking out.

I'm thinking very seriously about leaving at the end of the year, at least this way I will get a masters. But I don't know what I would do then?! I was always aiming to do a PhD, I hadn't even thought about the other options. I need urgent help and advice!

xxx

NO! don't quite. Your post suggests that a) you like your PhD and b) you like your first supervisor, but you HATE your second one. Do not let her ruin your life - you will never forgive yourself.

Have a word with your first supervisor and explain that you found her advice to be conflicting/confusing/unrelated to your research - it may well be that the first sup doesn't think much of her either. Its obviously not a personal thing, as you say she has done this to others in your department. It may well be her warped way of motivating you - yes some supervisors do do this! (think gordon ramsey - he rips you apart, tears you down and then builds you back up, so you end up thinking he's god :-( )

I would also have a word with her and ask her what her expectations are about your work, maybe ask her to give you a list of things she expects, and then swamp her with meeting her demands - she will probably soon get bored!

Academics like this ought to be shot! There really are some evil gits amongst them.
As Sneaks says, you seem to actually like the phd, in which case it would be a terrible shame to give up your plans just because of this woman. Given she's not your primary sup, is there any chance of getting her replaced? I think that if it's having this kind of effect on you then you must talk to someone about it, either your first sup or (if you have one) a third party monitor or head of department.
It's clearly not personal but I know that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. See if you can find a way round this before you make any major decisions.

my friend, please dont quit. I'm familiar with a similar situation = ok with supervisor but not so ok with the other. but there is no reason to give up because of her. stay and work your way through and you'll be superb at handling difficult people in the future (on top of having a Phd to be proud of). from ur post, its apparent that that's how she behaves to others as well. so you're not the problem here.

have a chat about this with your supervisor. be polite but dead honest. he'll may back u up in future meetings once he knows about the situation. or maybe he'll help u in a different way - prepare better, look at opportunity working with a different advisor etc. who knows until we try right?

as for your 1st year review, i think you'll be fine. if u worked hard, that means u have lots to show. which means lots of reasons why they'll pass u.

xy

Hello,
I am in a similar situation. I get on really well with my primary supervisor. She is encouraging and helpful but unfortunately she is only a junior lecturer and is not particularly ambitious. MY secondary supervisor therefore seems to be my main point of contact. He is pro-active, organised (perhaps militant), and a complete ba***rd. I'd go as far as to say that I hate him. When I see him my blood boils and he makes my stomach turn. He doesn't hide the fact that he thinks my work is not up to scratch. When I try to explain something to him he'll wait until I've finished speaking and then come back with a dead pan response such as: "Maria, you lost me at hello. Do you want to go away and write that down so I can understand it", before swivelling back round in his chair and going back to his work. I have to go to France with him for a conference.
My advice is not to quit, take it in your stride. Some people are just wankers, and take comfort in the fact that other students and members of staff will see that too. Don't let her make you think you don't care about your work any more. Put it this way, if she was super encouraging, you wouldn't feel this way. By being such a bi*ch, she's changed your perspective so you have to find a way to get on despite her rubbish attitude. Good luck!! xxx